DUMB SHIT People say

I have an only child, I was at school run, and a group of us were chatting about the second hand uniform shop. I was saying I needed to pop in and get a blazer. One of the Mum’s who I really didn’t know very well other than to say hello to said ‘well if you’d given your daughter an older sibling, then you wouldn’t need the shop’.

I just looked at her and said ‘I hadn’t realised my miscarriage before her would be such an inconvenience’. She never spoke to me again 😂😂

Only read a few posts, but wanted to chime in and say to the OP how sorry I am.

I have a few chronic conditions and try not to tell people. recently I got 'Oh that's the thing that's made up isn't it?' (fibromyalgia). I especially hate when people start wittering on about how I should avoid this or that food etc when they actually know I am under a specialist dietician among other health professionals.

Several people told me I did ‘so well’ to lose the baby weight so quickly. When actually, they knew full well I’d never gained it because I’d had numerous hospital admissions during pregnancy for hyperemesis (extreme sickness) and had been so ill all I could do was lay still in a dark room.

I was at a wedding in Kent and the mother of the groom said to me "Oh, all these northerners here with these accents. XXXX, promise me no matter what anyone ever says to you, don't change yourself".

I said nothing but walked away and thankfully I’ve never run into him again. It was my friends 3 year old daughters birthday party so going nuclear at him wasn’t appropriate.

Perhaps research a little before making such a statement?

Try having pet rats, people are vile about those. They will start telling you about traps and poison and sticky boards.
I realise that rats in the wrong place are a bad thing, but honestly stf up!

I have rosacea. This from a colleague—“Your nose looks like a Belisha beacon!” (I had to look up what this was, just so I could gauge the scale of the insult).
When I was wearing make up to hide the red face, another colleague compared me to big bird (the character from Sesame Street). There’s nothing I can do about that, no amount of make up will change my bones.
Whilst I was handing over something to a client, filling in for another colleague. ‘Where’s Jane? She’s prettier than you.’
All of these and a hundred others from anyone who has ever made a negative comment about my appearance (including family members when I was little) are filed away and dredged up whenever anyone gives me a disparaging glance.
There’s plenty more about my use as a person/career choices/parenting that I also have a reel of I can run through if I’m ever in danger of feeling good about myself.
It has taken my whole life to learn to deal with these. I wish I hadn’t cared what others thought of me, but I did at the time and it was crippling.

WTF! This literally made my mouth drop open. I am trying hard to think how he could see twin baby girls in their mother's arms, and say such a stupid thing! I don't suppose he is a paedophile - surely he would have been much more careful if he was - but in what universe did he think that that was an appropriate thing to say!? Did you respond at all itstrue, in fact did he realise afterwards what he had said?

I have 10 children, my choice, no one else supports or raises them and honestly its just me and hubby no one else. No one baby sits, we take our kids on holidays and we do all the things with absolutely no one elses helpnor support ever. so no one at all in my small circle has a right to say anything negative about our lifestyle or family planning. I was at my nan's house for xmas lunch, we havnt seen her in a couple of years and she had some friends over. We not long before xmas had a MC and my nan brings it up, it wasnt public knowledge and we are private people, I was horrified then she said your body cant cope thats why you MC (not the reason at all and really dismissive of our loss) , then she said surely after this your not silly enough to try again? Mind you we need ivf so its a hard process already. I could have just slumped in my chair, I felt like absolute shit and the topic wasnt on any sort of children or family, we were actually talking about the animals. Safe to say she will never know any of our family plans or our lives moving forward.

The first time I ever took my FH to meet my family, long before we were married, I was in my mid 30s. My Aunt said “I’m glad you’re not looking for perfection anymore”.

Interesting. Is the suggestion that the more attractive a woman is, the nastier other women will be to her? I haven't found that to be the norm, if so, either in my own experience or through observation.

I've always found that, even in high school, it has to do more with personality, and social skills (so, the ability to fit in with social norms).

I have a very handsome brother. Multiple times when I have introduced people to him I have heard, 'Oh my god, I can't believe he is your brother, he's so good looking.'
Yeah, thanks for that.

Using the word 'dumb' to mean stupid is a modern Americanism and could be considered offensive by some (although most do now understand the different usage). Because the connotations of the word dumb are insulting, medically 'dumb' people are now normally referred to as 'speech-impaired'. I hope that clears it up for those who don't understand how their use of the word may be considered offensive.

Perhaps you were looking a little TOO good for her liking!

Wow just wow, did you report the comment?

I've had a couple of stunningly beautiful friends in my time, and their overall experiences of other women were markedly worse than mine, sadly.

OP, I knew you’d get recommendations for roaccutane, as though it’s not a really fucking dangerous drug.

Rosacea runs in my dh’s family so my daughter has a touch of it, when she was a baby one of my coworkers (i worked in a nursery) kept saying how rosy she always is - yes she has rosacea was my answer every time. Why do we need to keep bringing it up? 🤦🏼‍♀️

2 years after my son was born, and having still retain weight gained in pregnancy, I went for an ovarian scan due to PCOS. Arrived at the desk and was asked if I was there for a 20 week pregnancy scan. FFS. I know I was fat, but never ever presume!

@OneDearFawn I have skin problems. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been stopped in the street or in a shop by strangers who demand to know what's wrong with me. It's horrific.

a cleaner in hospital once asked me if I was pregnant because I was very fat around the stomach. I'd just miscarried at 11 weeks and was in hospital with my toddler who was having very scary emergency surgery.

I feel for you, OP. I have had a lot of cystic acne in the past, but it tended to be one huge lump at a time, usually on my chin. I belatedly found out that dermatologists can inject it with something that makes it go away, but that info came thirty years too late!

The only thing I found helped was to soak a hot flannel or muslin in hot water, wring out, and hold over the cysts. It encourages the pus to dissolve.

My mum ran into the father of a school friend of mine. During conversation he asked if I had got my university place yet. Very proudly my mum said "Yes, she's going to Cambridge." He paused, thought for a minute and then said, very sympathetically, "Couldn't you get her in local?" Geordies. Got to love them.

This used to upset me so much as someone struggling with infertility and repeated miscarriages/ectopics - "Ha ha, you can babysit whenever you want" or "At least you know you can get pregnant". Like telling a starving person outside the supermarket that at least they can see the food through the window.

Wow! Patronising or what?