DUMB SHIT People say

@UncleTed your experiences are just horrible, what's wrong with people who say things like that? I don't know how people can be so cruel.

I understand thst it means unable to speak, but I've rarely heard that word used in that way , in fact in decades despite working with SaLT . Im mid 50s (UK) and as a child we'd use it as 'stupid' with no link to lack of speech.

Reading all of these I'm really puzzled as to why anyone needs to comment on anyone else's appearance/life circumstances etc. Why do we do it?

It's clear some people mean to be kind or helpful, however much it backfires, but some others - just wow! Can't they put themselves in others' shoes? I guess not.

I have a friend who would constantly make comments, gratuitously, about the size of my breasts. When I asked her not to, her response was 'why not?' But she does comment a lot on other people's bodies. Goodness knows why. I just can't see why it's necessary, we all know if we're short/tall/fat/spotty/knock kneed or whatever, we don't need to be told.

Just one of many from my late DM. You need to lose that tum lady. Just a couple of hours after giving birth 🙄

I once had someone say they didn’t want me to serve them their drinks (when I was a barmaid) because I looked contagious.

I had a small amount of eczema on my neck.

Bloody hell!

Went to get my hair trimmed and the hairdresser lifted up a section of my hair with a biro and said “your hair looks like a wig!”
My hair had been washed the previous day, it’s naturally curly and I didn’t go back to that hairdresser again!
He then went on and on about the fact he was once in the newspaper for being photographed coming out of a hotel with Rebecca Loos. Like it gave him celebrity status!
He was a twat…

Oh that's made me so annoyed! What a grade A prick! I had similar when I had my son, a week later I was with my mum, my aunt, and aunt's friend, and aunt turned around and said to the friend (in their native language which I understand but they think I don't) "hasn't she become huge?" For context I had gone from a size 8 to 10.

What really rankled with me recently is when I was talking to my friend, expressing sympathy for my son in law who works in emergency services. He had recently a particularly hard shift that was then prolonged because of something kicking off somewhere, staff shortages, etc and he hadn't got home in time to do something with his little daughter. My friend just dismissed it as 'he knew what he was signing up for when he took the job.' The more I think about that, the more it annoys me.

'Ah shit, maybe I shouldn't have had that third vodka and tonic before you got here'.

A man in my local pub learned I was gay and came up and asked me if I were a lesbian. I said yes, why? And he said 'Well, are you a full one?' 😂
I may have responded by telling him I definitely wasn't an empty one. He later asked me if I missed d1ck. Er, no. And it wasn't a chat-up line, he's gay himself!

omg I came here to post something like this. Why do people do it??? I don’t want to hear about your great auntie Nora who had the same cancer as me and died!!!

Leaving the maternity ward with six hour old DS. A man walking in through the door looked me up and down and commented to his (male) companion "bloody hell, some of these women still look pregnant".

Lost hair through chemo. Unable to tolerate wig, had a dark regrowth when I went back to work, ditched the head covering and styled it out.
One lovely lady said “oh, love the new hair style.”
I blurted “ it’s not a choice!”
I am not sure which was the shittest comment TBF, mine or hers. I did apologise to her because I knew it was meant well.
Some other comments about how people couldn’t do it etc, which should have been met with responses such as cancer doesn’t ask your preference, etc I just let slide, because what’s the point really.
Mostly I hope these types of comments are more said with good intentions but can come out wrong.

When I lost a couple of stone over 2024 and 2025, on my daily dog walk I saw a fellow dog walker I regularly see, but not on a daily basis. He's a lovely guy but his reaction to my weight loss was so ridiculously OTT. "OMG! It must have been the cheese! I bet it was the cheese! Did you eat mountains of it and now none at all??" NB I have never told him on any occasion that I eat too much cheese.

The next 3 times I saw him, he made the exact same comment. His wife was with him on one of the occasions, and he turned around and said the exact same words to her, in front of me. "she must have been eating too much cheese! And now she's not!"

It was so boring and ridiculous. He's a fab guy, honestly! But his reaction was so silly, and it's not like I was massively overweight and then become stick thin.

Everything my sister said to me between me being born in 1964 to me cutting her out of my life in 2005. She is incapable of speaking to me without being nasty. She's horrible to other people too but she saved up her finest work for me.

Yrs ago after getting married my dh was adopting my son. At a general parents night, we let his teacher know his surname would be changing. She said 'oh do you know what it'll be?' Dh raised an eyebrow and said 'yeah'. She looked for a second and then hand over her mouth 'oh my god, let's pretend I didn't just ask you that!'
No harm at all but funny!

This!

I developed epilepsy out of the blue when I was 24: a friend of my DM’s said to her “thank goodness she’s already married, noone would want her now”. Not sure who is worse… the woman who said it or my DM for telling me whilst smirking!

aaah yes!

DS1 has autism and non-verbal until 5. The local Queen Mummy Bee of the school (there is always one surely) tilted her head one day and said in a voice of faux concern 'Do you think it would help if you just talked to him?'. That was the point I cut her off completely. It had been building as she liked to point out how her DS1 was so much more advanced than mine in any given situation. he precious boy was also a bully who got expelled for breaking another kid's nose with a tennis table bat. So shove your superior parenting up your clacker love.

I have had years and years of well meaning people at work suggesting coaching, courses on public speaking and so on often centred around me needing more gravitas. It's actually pretty recently (in my late 40s) that they just mean I have a weird vibe. I am hyper feminine (not in an attractive way but I am very short with big tits and a high voice) and generally odd (some tics and a scar on my face from surgery years ago). I now completely call people out on it - I make them explain exactly what more gravitas or presence would look like and remind them I'll still be under 5 foot and matronly no matter how many courses I attend.

I have a very senior role and people are always surprised even now.

As someone who's struggled with their skin since being a teenager I sympathise. The comment about the makeup was rude. But it's so annoying isn't it when people give you ideas, as if you, and the countless doctors and dermatologists you've seen, haven't already tried every treatment under the sun.

The only thing that helped for me was being on the pill.. but the other side effects and risks were worse than my skin.

It's horrible. Hugs.

I will put my hand up & say that I said something stupid, years ago, & I'm still mortified about it now!

I'd been working in my job for a while but it was our first big socializing event, so the first chance to really chat to each other.

One woman, (who I really liked!) was talking about her 18 year old daughter so I asked how old she was & she replied 'I'm 46' & I replied 'Really? I didn't think that you were that old! I thought that you were about 30, you only look 30, you don't look as old as 46!'

Just like that. I'm cringing just writing it.

She laughed it off & informed me that the sentiment was nice but the way that I'd just said that was the wrong way to say it, she then got up & left me to think about it & I realised what I'd done.

Mortified, & I've never said anything like it since. (I'm now ancient, at 44, myself)

On New Year’s Day my friend in my home country sent me a happy new year message. Our families are close and she sent me a picture of my mother playing with her toddler daughter, with the caption ‘she’s waiting for her grandchildren’. She’s well aware that I’m having fertility struggles and may need IVF. She herself is pregnant with her second. It made me cry.

It sounds like a valid quetion tbh. I worked in a place where we would get audited and questioned for not turning every stone and asking questions that to normal people sound insensitive or intrusive or can be assumed.. but work audits would fail you if you didn't ask those 'given' and obvious questions and recorded their answer. Even if it's not what you came to see us for or not what we provide we had a duty to recore and signpost. It sometimes felt awkward to ask but I would have professional consequences if I didn't. Sometimes people would get irritated or offended but managers didn't budge on asking they just suggested ways to soften the question a bit.

I was an acne sufferer for years and I worked in a hospital with people I would consider as friends but the snide comments used to hurt!! Someone once said why don’t you try soap and water!!!!! Or another regular one was it’s because of the food you eat!!!!

Also after I returned from maternity leave someone once said you used to be so glamorous now you’re just a mum!!!! And one of the worst was wow you’ve put on a lot of weight……… I really didn’t no how to respond to that one!

just a note on the ance for years I tried different things prescribed by GP until finally they referred me to dermatologist and I started isotrenitonin and after 5 months my skin was clear and now I am acne free, my sister is currently on it and her skin is improving I also suffered badly with mental health but they give you help and support. There is actually another medication you can try under a dermatologist I can’t think of the name but I think it has less effect on mental health