My manager was off today because her dog died on Saturday morning.

Any company that doesn’t allow someone to attend their parent’s funeral is run by absolute cunts and deserves to fail spectacularly.

I can comment here. My darling cat was pts this morning and I’m devastated. However she was elderly, it was the right decision and she is no longer suffering. I work three days a week, I will be back in on Wednesday which is the first of my three days.

If my work day was tomorrow I might have been tempted to book an emergency AL day….mostly as I have had several glasses of wine this evening.

an AL day which does not affect you is hardly an issue that you need to be weird about so YABU,

Am I being an arsehole

Yes

I had my cat put down, and walked to work after that, about 5 miles, to sort myself out. So I had a morning off. I could have hopped on the tube and been there in about 20 minutes but would have struggled.

So it wasn't essential but it was helpful. I would have pulled myself together if I'd had something important to do but I didn't So...

Decent employers have a bit of leeway for this sort of thing, and a little understanding of colleagues helps too.

Yes. Yes, you are.

If it was the day it died I would say YABU, but it's essentially two days afterwards. Even though a dog dying is a big deal and upsetting, I still think you should be capable of working after having a day to get over the worst.

I wonder how many men have time of work after the loss of a pet compared to women?

After seeing how devastated my mum was when her dog died, I think you're being unreasonable in not understanding how hard it can hit some people. I wouldn't have understood the extent either before seeing that.

You’re assuming it was BL. OP hasn’t said that as far as I’ve read so far. She is more likely to have used an AL day I would think!

I dont think that comment was necessary

It’s one day off, not a month. You don’t sound very kind.

I did cry hysterically at Marley and me

Yeah you do sound like someone with not much emotional awareness or intelligence.

With colleagues like you I can see why she didn’t want to come into the office.

In my office if a manager doesn’t come in we all still work. Whether we’re wfh or having an office day. Because we’re adults and we pull together as a team and get the work done.

Our dog is on his last legs, he's 14. He's a "Marley and Me" kinda guy, he's been here for our wedding, children's births (now 8 and 2), deaths of parents. He's got a couple of weeks in him at best and I'm not sure how we are going to cope, especially our eldest.

I think it's a bit heartless of you to be honest - I completely understand a day off. Three might be taking the piss but it can be a really hard loss to come to terms with (everyone is different and we need to atleast try and respect this!).

Also, to help you empathise, I suggest you watch Marley and Me and let us know if you cried at the end of not ;-)

She allowed to use her leave anyway she likes, surely?

I mean, she is the manager so I guess it’s not your call to make? Personally I didn’t take time off when my beloved dog got PTS, but I easily could have. I know a lot of people who would be more gutted about their dog being pts than family members, my friends had a terrible time with fertility & her dog has helped her cope so I wouldn’t resent someone who’s having a hard time taking some time off, no.

I thought empathy meant you hadn't personally been through it but empathise and sympathy was if you had been through it so can sympathise but I could of got them mixed up

I would rather have my surgery rearranged than have it performed by someone who had a lack of sleep and not thinking straight because of grief.

My DH was way more upset when our dogs were pts than when his parents died.

It’s not that she “can’t be bothered”. I’m sure if she felt able to work, she would.
If you need someone standing over you every minute to make you do your job correctly and to the best of your ability, and not slack off when unsupervised, then you need to grow up.

I was at the vets today and someone was in the next consulting room whose dog died. She was howling and screaming, like top of her voice screaming (dog had been run over). I can’t imagine she’d be in a fit state to be at work tomorrow if she works. She came out into the waiting room while I was there and was still totally hysterical.

I’ve seen people be told a loved one close family member has died who haven’t been so outwardly upset. Ultimately it’s not a competition, we shouldn’t compare people to others and we should just be kind.

Some people get really sad about things. 🤷‍♀️

So why so unfeeling?

Have a think about what part of this annoys you.

She took a day off at short notice. That would be fine in my place of work as long as there wasn’t a big meeting or deadline that day. is she being hypocritical- has she stopped your last minute leave plans or been awkward or inflexible about leave and hours?

She notified you, and gave the reason (which she didn’t have to). If you just knew it was for personal reasons would you be as annoyed?

Do you suspect she isn’t taking annual leave for this and therefore think she is abusing the system?

it can’t just be that you wouldn’t be upset if your dog died. There must be more to your annoyance.