What’s with all the hate for SAHM

Are you unclear as to what the word majority means?

If you both see it as “his” money he is absolutely financially abusive.

Do you not have a shared pot? Your own bank account?

@BlueandWhitePorcelain now that was a fascinating read.
VAT on marshmallows is definitely an interesting subject.
I've always loved the whole Jaffa Cake saga from several years back.

The conversations we will have are on average more interesting than when we go out in a larger group which includes the SAHMs - and not just about work but about politics and books etc too. Because living a different life provides a different perspective.

@CuriousKangaroo
Do you think the SAHMS aren’t interested in politics or books then? Or engaged with them?

This summarises it better than I could:

https://www.pinsentmasons.com/out-law/news/coa-mega-marshmallow-vat-treatment

Mini marshmallows are zero rated, standard size marshmallows are standard rated and mega marshmallows are to be determined by the First Tier Tribunal, which needs to consider if mega marshmallows are eaten with the fingers or not?

Ithinkihatethislittlelife

I wish I had lived my life differently. My children have been no better off having me at home. In fact, if I had my own life and was happier, I would have been a better mother.

Except when your kids were sick you had a choice about keeping them home to get better, and you could be there to look after them, when your kids needed a lift somewhere you could offer it, you could help or at least be there for homework etc etc etc. You being there has helped more than you think.

My kids definitely do not have a better life because I work, life for them is rushed, being shunted from one place to another, with cranky, wrecked parents, oh and we’re not better off for it. And if we split I’d still be financially fecked because I’m on a small wage!! And everyone I know where there’s two working parents are burnt out, stressed, trying to juggle housework, feeling like they’re failing at life. People on Mn makes work to be the best option, not sure it is

PollyPlumPeach
If your kids are teen-agers, you're not a SAHD. You're just unemployed

Nice you decided to stick a knife in there. And you don’t stop parenting just because they’re teenagers, there’s still the running about and looking after, still the house needs to be kept up etc

Putneydad7

my friend is always told she has the life of Reilly too, it’s horrible

It’s not like this for everyone. My DP bought our house in joint names. It’s now paid off (not by me), his salary is paid into our account, any left over I divide into savings accounts in our individual names. If I wanted to book a solo holiday, I’d tell him I was going to do it (mainly for childcare reasons) but then I’d just do it. I bought a couple of nice things in the sales and haven’t mentioned it. I wouldn’t expect him to do the same.

They always set great store by some job role that nobody actually gives a hoot about. We all know these people. A lot are on these threads.

What an odd assumption!

I agree with all of that! I was speaking in generalities only, and from my own experience.

The people who always come on to say SAHMs are boring always have the most boring, mediocre jobs imaginable. Literal brain rot, but I suppose someone has to do it. Takes all sorts to make the world go round.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain oooh I NEED more information about this marshmallow issue.....

@CuriousKangaroo some SAHMs read books and follow politics too 😂
You must have unfortunately just met some dull people.
Not everyone can be interesting - whatever path they are following in life.

What is so interesting about VAT returns, payrolls, etc for most people? A discussion on the great giant marshmallow case - are giant marshmallows subject to VAT or not, compared to marshmallows sold as confectionery, or mini marshmallows for hot chocolate?

I work with DH and one of his best friends, we’ve known over 40 years. So, not much new there either to discuss?

Goodness me, everyone has got a bit chippy. I was quite clearly responding to the OP’s question about why some people may view SAHP’s negatively with MY perspective. And yes, I’m afraid I often do find SAHMs a bit dull. Not all, but many.

Obviously SAHPs may be doing other interesting things, like a hobby, I meant that they aren’t doing interesting things day to day.

Yes, some jobs are dull but lots aren’t. If you think all working women do is complain about their jobs, then you need more interesting friends. I have drinks planned this weekend with a group of working mums from DC’s school and they include a photographer, someone working in film, a senior NHS consultant and an immigration lawyer. The conversations we will have are on average more interesting than when we go out in a larger group which includes the SAHMs - and not just about work but about politics and books etc too. Because living a different life provides a different perspective.

Again, it is everyone’s personal choice. No one hates you!

@CuriousKangaroo
My working life was pretty much "remove roll cages from truck, remove boxes from roll cages, remove stock from boxes, place on shelf".
Would that be an interesting enough conversation for you?
Why do you think SAHPs aren't doing anything "interesting"?

What way are working people engaged in the world that SAHMs are not? Complaining about colleagues and work stress? Not quite sure what you mean by that statement.

There are other things to do besides work - being a SAHM doesn’t mean you “aren’t doing anything interesting”. What a rude thing to say.

Saying someone is dull, less interesting, not engaging their brain and not engaged with the world is more than ‘slightly negative’ wouldn’t you say?

Most people would find that insulting and they wouldn’t be wrong! You would need to try hard to post more condescendingly 😅

People always jump to “it must be jealousy”. But while that may be true sometimes, it’s certainly not true for everyone. My DH earns enough that I could be a SAHM if I wanted to. But I don’t want to!

I wouldn’t say I hate SAHMs, but I must confess that the ones I meet are quite dull. They are not doing anything interesting so while good at small talk, they tend to be less interesting overall because they are not engaged with the world in the same way someone who works is. And I do find it annoying when they complain about being too busy.

I wouldn’t enjoy being a SAHM because being a full time parent and looking after a house is rather boring. I love my job because it properly engages my (slightly overactive!) brain. I feel very satisfied and fulfilled by my job and I didn’t particularly enjoy my mat leave for this reason - because I found it relentlessly dull.

All of that said, I cannot imagine hating someone for having made that decision. It’s their life and they are free to live it the way they want. It’s just not for me. And I think many others feel similarly - but it is interpreted as hate and/or jealousy because some women feel insecure about their decision not to work so give any even slightly negative comments far more weight and animosity than is intended.

I would love to be a SAHM! Sadly I’m the higher earner 😂

This. Some of us who have been on MN for a long time read the same story again and again of women left in awful situations with no money and no job due to dickhead men. That is why people raise concerns about it. Other than that I have no issue with SAHM

What are your thoughts on staying at home until the child goes to school?

Generally though if someone is seeking work they will be claiming some kind of unemployment benefits (which you have to be searching for work or you lose the benefits).
(Obviously if you can afford to live without claiming while actively seeking work then that's slightly different).
So yes....we are both correct really.
You could say he's a "homemaker" or "househusband" if a name really needs to put on it.

Definition of unemployed is if you're seeking work - you don't need to be on any official stats. Either way this guy is not unemployed anyway.