Asked to give up my seat on bus

Under what circumstance do you imagine a pregnant woman losing her baby due to standing on the bus?

Some of the justifications for a young pregnant woman needing a seat more than a 60 year old who is wobbly following a fall are just unreal.

A fetus isnt a child. And it's absolutely not your call to make that an elderly woman should get injured instead.

My mother had severe osteoporosis and balance issues in her early sixties. A fall could have disabled or killed her.

A 60 year old woman is not old !! My mum is 64 and she is very fit ! Personally I would take my chance of an old person getting hurt than a person loosing a pregnancy . But no point arguing with people like you , it’s clearly cultural because I would never risk the life of any child

But never suffered with nausea so maybe she was feeling rough?

I commuted in central right up until 38 weeks

people always offered me seats. I never wore a badge
I didnt mind standing for a few stops either

Maybe you look much younger?

Wtf? Because she didn't give up the seat she actually felt she needed to be in?

There really is an expectation that older women should be doormats.

Don’t question yourself. The very fact you are questioning yourself means you are probably thoughtful. Just trust your instinct that you don’t feel tip top and there were other younger people around - given there were several, I’m sure there just have been someone well able to stand comfortably. You’re just being sensible.

Absolutely fine to say no if you need the seat, they can always ask someone else.

I am often the person that gets asked to move - people will walk past a load of other seated passengers to ask me, I suppose I must look like I'm not going to say no or ignore them. I must admit it does irritate me sometimes that all the grumpy/rude people get a free pass. I don't blame them for asking the person who looks most approachable though, either.

Jesus. You're so rude

Being old is no illness either, are you going to ask a 95 year old lady to get up next time for someone on crutches because she’s just old?

No need for pretending to be pregnant to get a badge, Transport for London also gives out ‘please offer me a seat’ badges which anyone can request, young or old, sick or not, male or female. No proof needed. (But tbh who would be so petty to wear a badge for no reason just to get a seat.)

Not unreasonable at all OP you needed to sit and could have toppled.
You did nothing wrong, she asked and it’s okay so say no.

I think she deserved the seat

I had horrific morning sickness with both DC before I was showing. In fact I needed a seat more in those early days as opposed to when I got into my second trimester and felt slightly more human. I was once on a packed commuter train and felt really dizzy and sick (I had a badge) and it was eventually a pregnant woman herself who offered me her seat as I was clearly about to faint. Only then did some of her neighbours pipe up and offer me a seat instead!

Anyway, it’s fine not to give up your seat if you feel you need it. I imagine the lady who asked you was pretty taken aback as it often takes a lot of confidence to ask for a seat when you’re pregnant so she’s likely a bit shocked and embarrassed too. I hope she was able to get a seat elsewhere.

She was within her rights but you weren't obliged to give it up. BUT don't think of yourself as old. Wobbly after a fall, yes, fair to take it easy for a while. But plenty time for that when you ARE old. It annoys me when people try to give me seats (fortunately rarely happens) since I'm probably fitter than them.

Vile is suggesting that an older person, unsteady on their feet, is of no importance.

I would've said you have been, but not after I read your circumstances. Yes of course younger people should've offered her a seat, not you.

Women can (and do) give up their seats, yes. I guess I would just like to see a return of gentlemanly behaviour!

I would always give up my seat if I saw someone in need, but I think part of it is that I am quite likely to not be on my phone, so I actually notice other people and try to be considerate of them.

Yes. For the London Underground/ buses because they get so packed.

I remember being around 37 weeks pregnant (with a badge)and I had been standing for about 10 minutes. And one man stood up after a while and said ‘oh c’mon we’ve all seen her!’

Sometimes without those badges - you will never get a seat.

I had a similar thread a couple of years ago. Id broken my shoulder which was in a sling. I sat in a priority seat as I couldn't stand safely. A woman similar age to me was sitting in the aisle seat. I'm late 50s. An older lady got on, I didn't feel I was able to stand properly, so the aisle lady gave her a seat. It was 50/50 on MN whether I should have stood.

(For context, I'd fractured the other shoulder 2 years before, which required surgery which was really, really painful. This time the hospital were considering the same again and I was doing everything possible to avoid falling or anything which might have made it worse and having no choice but to have the surgery. I'd already had a bone density scan saying I had osteopenia, which is early stages of osteoporosis).

I hate that even women ask other women to move because they know women are more likely to move and that it is more intimidating to ask a man. She should have asked the young men on the bus not a woman in her sixties. YANBU

I'm banging on about this a bit today because I travel a lot on trains, intercity and local. I'm clearly, to everyone, well over 60. I'm just reminded that on a recent local train, a young woman (teens/twenties) was most put about and sour faced when I moved towards the spare seat beside her which was accommodating her rucksack. She humped it around and made a big show of not knowing where to put it apart from the seat beside her. She put it back on the seat and made the gesture of a shrug at me, to communicate that there was nowhere else for her to put it. I continued advancing towards the seat and she eventually had to hold it on her lap. She was seriously acting like I'd inconvenienced her. She had to hug that damn rucksack for half an hour because an entitled old hag demanded to sit down in its seat. If looks could kill I'd be ashes at this moment.

That was definitely entitlement.

@wrongthinker What about "young fit women" age of equality and all that! It does say something, that she chose an elder woman and not a snotty nosed girl or boy or middle aged people as they do not give a shit, this etiquette comes from older generations and not how anybody reacts in this world today, apart from a very, very few, who have been brought up by the very people with older generations with family values, simple kindness, the OP was unable to give her seat up end of.

I stood on packed train everyday 25 mins no seat offered even when 38.5 weeks pregnant. Being pregnant isnt a disability either. The lady was there first not feeling great and there were other people that could be asked. Hardly entitled

It should be the case that those in priority seats are those that actually need them, and signage is worded to the effect that you should cede the seat if necessary/possible.

I'm fairly certain that my local buses have words to this effect. Some idiots people have started taking them very literally though. I sat in a priority seat recently as they were the only free ones. Another passenger told me I wasnt allowed to sit there as it was for old/disabled people. I told him I'd move if someone needed the seat, but I wasn't going to stand on the off chance. As it happened no one got on that needed it.