Asked to give up my seat on bus

Yes but there's a big difference between gruelling marathons and standing on a bus. In 10 yrs time, if she still runs, it could be shorter distances, but she won't need to be given a seat.

But we have no idea how the pregnant lady felt (and I did have sickness, just at normal pregnancy levels) - neither us nor the OP can say that the pregnant woman was in more need. But it does sound like there were definitely other people on the bus with needs less than OP and pregnant lady, and the OP already had the seat she needed, so absolutely no issue that the pregnant lady needed to ask someone else to move.

I’m sure if a doddering old lady or someone with one leg got on the bus OP would have moved as their need was greater than hers, but there’s no way to tell whether wobbly OP needed a seat more than maybe sick pregnant woman.

She's 51. Big difference. Ten years ago I wouldn't have cared if I got a seat on a bus or tube. Now I'm delighted to be offered one.

You are asuming she was rude? You sound like one of those women that treats pregnancy like an illness and want everyone to tip toe around you lapping up the attention! Ive had 4 and never had an entitled attitude like some! This lady does not need to justify to anyone her reasons for not giving up her seat! Pregnancy doesnt give you a divine right and you are more than capable of standing, more so than someone with mobility issues due to a fall!

IMO it's not okay to target a specific individual because they "look" able to stand. You should ask generally.

This

I think it's worse to see a healthy adult sitting whilst someone in need stands than to see a healthy 6 year old stand. especially when the bus is full, the hand grips are ceiling height, people are pushing past etc. it's much easier for an adult to hold on than a small child

The poster you were responding to said 'older', not 'old'. OP has already hurt herself due to a recent fall and is less steady on her feet because of that so wasn't able to stand on that occasion.

A pregnant woman standing on a bus or train isn't at risk of losing a pregnancy. In the early stages of pregnancy, she may feel sick and dizzy so should be offered a seat if she asked someone with no mobility/balance issues.

People in their sixties often have arthritis which can make it much harder and more painful to stand on public transport.

I agree it was just the done thing to sit on a parents knee if the bus was crowded or for younger people to leave their seat for older ones. It was just a nice thing to do. I cringe when I see visibly older people or anyone you can see is in need standing and being ignored

As a disabled mother I think you are totally reasonable. I will always sit away from priority seat if I can. Never felt when pregnant the only seat people should give up is disabled.

But remember I don't think how visable pregnant she looks mattered as I never had a bump that stick out so never looked pregnant. But due to spine problems had to avoid long standing and heavy lifting from the beginning of pregnancy.

I was just responding to the posters who thought a woman who wasn’t visibly pregnant couldn’t possibly need special consideration. Of course if someone isn’t feeling well they should also have a seat. But being in your early 60s is not a good reason to remain seated.

Of course she does, she's a lowly middle-aged woman and must always explain why she's not martyring herself to the rest of society.

The OP doesn't owe anyone an explanation as to why she needs a seat

Lucky you not having sickness?! Peoples pregnancies are different. I could stand way better in third trimester than 1st

If you’d been in a priority seat then she would’ve maybe thought you didn’t need it as you’re relatively young - take it as a compliment. As PP have said maybe she thought you were the most approachable or most likely to understand why she needs a seat or perhaps everyone in the priority seat did need them? Sounds like you were rude to her when you said no though so voted YABU. I live in London and have been pregnant twice. Even when I’ve been ready to pop people don’t move unless you ask. First trimester was when I needed it most, when not visibly pregnant, as I risked being sick. And the fear of being knocked over or barged. I very rarely asked as I was scared of people’s reactions, if someone had been rude to me I’d likely have cried.

It used to be like that on transport years ago though. I remember being on a crowded bus in the 80s as a kid and the driver walking down and saying all half fares to stand up. We would also tend to sit on our mums knee or several kids into one seat if the bus was busy

It's fine if you feel you need the seat. I am in my early 60s and feel like I could very easily stand, I don't think of myself as old in any way. So I would have given up my seat. I appreciate you had a fall, but on age alone, she was ok to ask in my view.

Well she's also saying that some cultures are more child oriented than others. Not a lot of sense coming from that quarter.

wel no one is saying she HAS to stand, just that someone who also isn't feeling well isn't obliged to give her THEIR seat.

I do sympathise with that, but I'm puzzled that she didn't ask a younger person. As others have said, it's possible that a younger person might have an invisible disability, but that's true of anyone.

If she wasn’t showing she might have felt sick and very tired - those first couple of months can be really hard going.

and at 64 my MIL wasn't,, with severe arthritis and several other conditions that means she absolutely wouldn't be safe on a bus.

it would have to be a pretty big fall for most not-yet-showing women to lose a pregnancy, surely a comparative fall in an older person could result in a life threatening or ending injury (head injury etc). just whilst we're being dramatic.

would you rather an old person died than a pregnant being lost? how do you even morally evaluate that in your head??

Except that once you reach your 60s you find that when you're seeing medics, ever so often they'll ask whether you've had any falls recently, so the medics seem to think that you're more likely to have a fall once you hit that decade and when you're actually that age falls have more serious repercussions, unfortunately. You certainly don't heal as quickly as you used to.

I'm relatively fit, I suppose, but my lower limbs are my bugbear because of a genetic predisposition to certain problems. Trying to keep myself fit staved off the problem for 60 yrs but the medics tell me that you can only do that for so long.

Similarly, I developed a shoulder problem because I was put in a position where I had to lift a heavy weight. 20 yrs previously, it wouldn't have been a problem. At the age of 60 it was a problem and I finished up needing a shoulder decompression.

Personally I would take my chance of an old person getting hurt than a person loosing a pregnancy

Sometimes I find myself reading the weirdest things on here. I mean would you take a look at that sentence. Surely it shouldn’t be either/or, it should have been someone else standing up. Which was the OP’s point.

Could you give us a bit more of an idea of how you would envisage a pregnancy getting lost in its early stages through standing on a bus? I should say at this stage that I lost my third pregnancy at 16 weeks, so during my 4th was pretty sensitive/terrified, but I would stand on a bus in early stages. I’m not talking about nausea or anything like that, but specifically for you to explain your point about losing the pregnancy, which was the specific risk you mentioned. Thanks.

In that case she needn't have mentioned her age. The relevant fact is having fallen and that can happen at any age.