Asked to give up my seat on bus

@midsomermurderer It's impossible to judge, because the OP gives so little info as to what she means by wobbly. You could be right and it could well be sore throat category ..... or it could mean substantially more.

Of course she did well. I've already said that but you may not have read my post properly. First of all we don't know that that's what she meant by wobbly. It might not have meant she was afraid of falling. Secondly, obviously we're all less fit in our 60s than 30s but in our 60s we're not at risk of injury with a jerky bus, outside of a freak occurrence. My DH and I always go upstairs on London buses and have no trouble holding on as we make our way downstairs as our stop approaches (and yes, I am aware that we are approaching the stop, not the other way round.) Having said that, I always hold on. Handrails etc are there for a reason. A sailing rule is 'one hand for you and one for the boat,' ie always hold on when moving around a lurching craft, and it's equally relevant on dry land. Then we have ski buses. The seats quickly fill and many of us stand, wearing cumbersome ski boots and clutching skis. Yet people of all ages stand and we have no trouble holding on.

Women actually wear badges to say that they are pregnant!? This is new to me.

I agreed completely until the last sentence. I don't think it was necessarily "moral blackmail". A more likely explanation is that the pregnant woman was intimidated or embarrassed about asking for a seat, and thought the OP was the kindest-looking person. Can't know for sure, but if that happened to me, I would assume she was asking because she thought I'd help her, and although I wouldn't have offered the seat (I'm visually impaired as well as old and I'm unsafe standing) I hope I'd have tried to help by asking generally on her behalf.

@Motnight I know what you mean. In an unrelated post I recently constantly had to mount the same defence again and again, despite having told the story fully and clearly in my initial post. Your circumstances in first post aren't at all clear, but presumably you give more details in other posts and it is SO tedious to have to keep explaining. Nobody's going to wade through hundreds of posts to keep up to speed, either. Again, well done for not being bullied. Thankfully you weren't subjected to abuse in the way that I was when I wouldn't switch seats.

Your age is a red herring

I'm a similar age. Im sorry but it's ridiculous to say that age isn't relevant.

The facts are that, assuming there are no visible disabilities, people who look in their sixties are overwhelmingly more likely to have difficulty or be caused damage by travelling stood up on a moving bus than people who look in their thirties.

Very few people in their 60s would have the same strength to hold onto a bar when a bus jerks and not pull their shoulder as they have in their thirties. As fit and healthy as your thirty year old self, you can be (though most probably aren't). As strong, not so unless perhaps you were a couch potato 30 and are a gym bunny 60.

The young woman should have addressed her request to all the seated passengers. Instead, I'd bet, she picked on the person she thought was most likely to give up her seat quietly. The OP did well not to give in to the moral blackmail.

@Motnight OP, it's very difficult for anyone to have any worthwhile opinion without more information on your wobbliness and fall. How bad a fall? What's meant by wobbly? How recent was the fall? Had you been on the bus because you were unable to walk home after your tumble? Posters seem to assume wobbly meant you would have risked falling over if you'd been standing, but most people wouldn't fall. That's why we hold on. Your age is a red herring. I'm the same age and in your circumstances it wouldn't even occur to me to even think age, far less mention it. What's relevant is the fall and any underlying health issues. You talk about other passengers as more 'able bodied'. That's quite an extreme statement. We're all able bodied apart from those with real physical impairments. Is this you, or do you just mean you felt you would have undergone more discomfort or inconvenience than other passengers? Having said all that, I admire you for not being bullied into giving up your seat. You had no way of knowing whether the woman really did feel unwell,,or just felt entitled because she had a badge. It's happened to me in cinemas and theatres when people have asked me to move to let them sit with friends. After you refuse it leaves you shaken up. I'm not entirely sure the badge scheme is a good idea. It must encourage chancers.

You were not unreasonable to refuse but seem to lack insight into your own hypocrisy.

All of this. My late husband was as fit as a fiddle...until he wasn't. I turned out that he'd inherited heart trouble. At the age of 63 he needed a stent put in. He recovered to an extent, but then it was downhill all the way.

I'm nearly 66 and have inherited a leg problem from Mum's side of the family. (Apparently, I'm missing every single valve in the main saphenous vein in the right leg - they just failed to form in utero.) I didn't notice any trouble until I hit my 60s. I have a diagnosis and I look fine but it's affected my mobility. Ditto the patella alta that I've had all my life, but which was only diagnosed last year.

She’s not thinking herself old! Just being realistic about her fitness and balance. And that’s why doctors etc start urging people over 60 to guard against falls. People’s genes make them age at different rates, so of course some are still super-fit in their 80s and others are already vulnerable in their 60s.

Lifestyle, healthy diet, exercise etc can help to some extent, but there’s no magic bullet.

OP, I hope you’re fully recovered from your fall now. Some people either can’t or won’t imagine how people’s needs and abilities change with age. And unfortunately ageism is alive and well on the internet, as we find here. There is a very great difference between a sore throat and the loss of stability and confidence caused by a fall.

Being over 60, with some age-related health conditions, I am often frustrated by being slower, weaker, less energetic and with less reliable balance than in say my 30s. Inside I feel as active as ever. Luckily I rarely meet people like those here belittling OP’s wobbliness. I can only warn them that, one day, they’re likely to be that irritating wobbly old person …

Gosh I loved my baby on board badge...I used to do a 1h london commute every day pre covid/wfh and passed out a handful of times.
Everyone (other commuters) was always so nice when I came to though - giving me water or helping me off the train.

You say she has a badge and you didn't know until you saw it? So did she not look pregnant and weren't convinced she was?

I can’t stand on public transport due to disability, but when I could I’d always offer a seat to a pregnant woman… if I was 100% sure they were pregnant. The baby on board badge really helps people with that!

Also not a fan of the baby on board badges - I found them irrationally irritating actually. I had two pregnancies in London and travelled during both, one of which was a difficult one with a lot of pain and challenge mobilising. They just feel a bit self obsessed - I always felt like I could ask if I needed a seat and people offered in the later stages, but I’m probably being massively unreasonable.

Berated!

The hostility, misogyny, entitlement, and ageism on this thread is off the charts.

We don't know what words she used. She didn't have to explain why she needed the seat. It's fine to say she needs it and could she please ask someone else. That's all that needs to be said.

OP didn’t say that she had a medical condition. Or that she had recently fallen. Just ( sounds like) she berated the pregnant woman for not asking someone else.

Why? She doesn't owe her medical or personal information to another person. When my daughter was going through a hard time medically and had to sit down, I told her this. We discussed what she could say that didn't mean she had to divulge her personal medical stuff to the whole carriage. "I'm sorry, I have a medical reason I need this seat, could you please ask someone else?" That's enough.

Tbh I thought the difference between whether she’s making assumptions about a probability or a certainty is so minor that it’s not worth dwelling on. Certainly not worth being as confrontational as you’re being.

And I don’t really get ‘annoyed because someone made assumptions about her’ from the OP’s posts. The main point of the thread is whether she was right to stay seated, and whether what she did and said was reasonable. What precisely was going on in her head is really by the by. I only commented on that in the first place in reply to someone else.

Yes I remember being hauled onto my mum's knee in the 70s. Hated it but would have been happy to stand.

Early 60s is not 'older woman' as such, though obviously older than a 50 yr old. At 62 I frequently overtake swimmers in their 20s and 30s, admittedly in the slow lane, but I've always been a slow lane swimmer. OK, so some 60 yr olds will have health problems, but so do younger people. A lot of luck involved. The vast majority of early 60s people are a long way from old age, though some mollycoddle themselves unnecessarily.

Why should the OP have to explain herself to a total stranger .