Asked to give up my seat on bus

People can be horrible. I'm so sorry to hear you experienced this.

That’s my experience too, I was working in Leicester while pregnant and the young Asian men were lovely. They used to make me go to the front of the queue in the sandwich shop!

I think you’re being quite hard on the OP. She did say she fell a few days ago and she’s in her early 60s. I do t think she was unreasonable to ask if the lady could ask someone else

You were both placed in a difficult situation because a fit and healthy person should have noticed the badge and offered her a seat.

This is what I was going to say. I am disabled and use a walking stick and I find it near impossible to stand on a moving bus or train. However,there have been a couple of occasions when I have been asked to give up my priority seat for someone else who was disabled. I did wonder at the time why they homed in on me when there were several other people sitting in the priority seats,and I came to the conclusion that I was obviously the least intimidating! I declined on both occasions. One,a young lady was fine and said sorry,I didn't realise you were disabled,but the other one,a middle aged man with an obvious attitude problem was most unpleasant. The person behind me gave him their seat and he proceeded to mutter under his breath about me for the entire journey. So that was nice.

I don't think you were unreasonable. I even fainted on a packed hot train once. Only lerson to offer her seat was another pregnant woman. I ended up sitting the floor.
People can be shocking. Though op you were not.

But has cancelled the cheque ....

I got 3 short tubes and a 45 minute train and never stood on any of them. I will say that young white men were the worst for avoiding eye contact and Asian men were the best and the most keen to help, so maybe the fact that the areas I travelled through had high Asian populations helped.

I get severe motion sickness if I stand on trains or buses, even more so when it’s busy and I can’t see forward clearly. It’s bad enough even when i’m
seated. But I look fit and able from the outside. It’s never happened yet where I’ve needed to offer a seat, but every journey I am conflicted in my mind as to whether it would be unreasonable for me to not offer/say no.

The reality is, if I travelled standing up then I would feel really unwell for hours afterwards (probably half a day at least).

Normally I agree with you on this, I find it bizarre how willing people on Mumsnet are to argue pregnant women shouldn’t be treated with consideration.
But this is a situation where they BOTH need a seat and there are plenty of other people on the bus who could help.

No one's saying the pregnant woman shouldn't have a seat, only that the OP didnt need to be the one to give it.

They also need to provide Over 60 badges! FGS pregnancy isn’t an illness.

I don't think there is priority top trumps. Pregnant doesn't trump injured (or visa versa)...
I would have just said "sorry, I can't stand atm... could you ask someone else" said it loud enough for someone to jump up and offer!

I can't imagine being offended if someone pregnant asked for the seat or if I was pregnant and someone said "I'm sorry, I need to sit as well as I'm injured". I can only imagine offence coming from the tone of communication e.g. pushy progress woman glares and says "You need to move" or woman in priority seat glares and says "No ask someone else in a grumpy voice".

I commute into london, and suspect there is a difference for an hour train ride compared to a short tube journey.

I think it depends on how you answer. In a perfect world, I might have said: 'I'm so sorry- usually I would absolutely give my seat, but I am having trouble standing today because I just had a fall.'... or something like that- so she didn't feel bad for asking.

To be fair (and I’m Team OP here), I can remember having excruciating backache in early pregnancy.

I just cant believe on "Mumsnet" people are so determined that it is fine not to give the pregnant woman a seat. That they can't see the increased risk to mum and baby of standing on a moving vehicle when pregnant and they are trotting out lines like "pregnancy is a choice".

I think it is a shitty attitude.

She felt wobbly, shes in her 60's, and there are others sat down.

Of course she should not have to get up

Really? I commuted through London whilst pregnant and most of the time I was offered a seat straight away. On occasion I had to ask and there were usually several people scrambling to get up and apologise. I hope things haven't changed that much in the last 6 years.

Re commenters saying about women choosing to be pregnant, it's irrelevant. It's not safe for a pregnant woman to fall and in some cases to stand for long periods of time. We will all depend on the next generation at some point and it is all of our responsibility to make space for parents and children to exist comfortably in our society. For pregnant women, that means give them your seat.

But it’s not an either/or. They both should be seated, and there were no doubt healthy young people on the bus. OP shouldn’t be forced to put herself at risk.

I expect she asked you on the assumption that as a woman you would dutifully get up. YANBU for saying no as you needed a seat.

I think this is valid, if the lady wasn't far along that is very different to heavily pregnant

I'm wondering if she picked you because she thought you'd be more likely to move without fuss than the younger able-bodied people near by, being conditioned that older women don't matter. Perfectly fine to reply saying you actually did need the seat, anyway.

That logic is flawed when the young person is pregnant because the risk of that fall then on the woman and the unborn baby is considerable...