Asked to give up my seat on bus

You’re making lots of assumptions here - I thought pregnancy wasn’t an illness???

The OP has not said she was in a priority seat or not.

FGS pregnancy isn’t an illness.

For many people, it very well can be.

I have hyperemesis gravidarum. This is my third HG pregnancy.

I have been essentially bed bound since September, hospitalised for IV fluids on multiple occasions, I am on a cocktail of medications to keep my vomitting under control, I can barely walk up and down my staircase - there is no chance I could stand on a bus. Luckily, I don’t need to use public transport.

The comments about pregnant women by other women are absolutely disgusting.

Entitlement! Ive heard it all now.
no op, ywnbu. Don’t feel bad. I wouldn’t have moved either.
( i’m not able to stand on buses, hidden illnesses).
she asked, you said no. Neither being unreasonable.

People don’t automatically need a seat just because they are pregnant, but since TFL started giving out the badges, a huge sense of entitlement has grown and people think they should have a seat from the day the test shows positive, despite having no problems. I’ve moved for pregnant women without being asked before without being in priority seats, but not one of them has appreciated it. They behave as if it’s a God Given right rather than a courtesy.

This woman should have asked people in the priority seats if they needed a priority seat rather than jumping straight in and asking them to move.

Why are people talking like this was the only seat on the bus that they needed to fight over? The OP needed the seat herself. The pregnant woman could have asked someone else. Both could have gotten seats. This is not a big deal.

I'm sorry but if you aren't visibly pregnant and need a badge to say you are I don't think your need trumps that of someone in their 60's. If you are visibly pregnant and struggling fine. I had low blood pressure all through each pregnancy and was always very petite even when 8/9 months pregnant so no one ever jumped up to offer me a seat, I didn't ask either. I once had to crouch down on a packed train home from work because I felt faint. I also gave an elderly couple my seat 8.5 months pregnant, I was in the priority seats and there were no others free they had a scooter and the other could barely walk. Pregnancy isn't a disability or the same as old age frailty, granted it's nice to be given a seat when heavily pregnant/passing out from low bp but it doesn't trump actual disabilities.

Exactly.

OP had as much need of the seat - or possibly more - than the pregnant woman. The mystery is why nobody else on the bus who was sitting, but able to stand, bothered to offer the pregnant woman a seat before she asked OP.

Would you give up your seat for a woman in her sixties who felt unable to stand?

God, this site is a cesspit. Maybe they're just happy. It's a nice emotion, I hope you experience it some time.

I don’t understand why she didn’t ask one of the evidently rather younger people occupying seats.

I use London buses a lot and I’m sorry to say it’s so often young, apparently perfectly mobile, women who plonk themselves in the priority seats (the first available) and are then so engrossed in their phones - or pretending to be - that they don’t notice some doddery old dear having to stand.

Please don’t anyone tell me they’ve all got hidden disabilities - I simply don’t believe it. And why is it always young women, and never young men? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a young man doing this.

WTF!

What is wrong with you?

Did anyone give her a seat?

Usually if someone asks for a seat, someone will offer.
I think you were reasonable to say no but I know that if it had happened to me, even if I had a good reason to say no, I'd still feel bad.

Why would you ask one person on a crowded bus and then faint? And why ask the oldest person there?
Come off it, it's obvious the woman should have asked one of the twenty something men, but as we and she all know, the 60 something woman is less intimidating to ask and more likely to put herself out for others.

Well done OP

Yes! TfL have had them for years in London and other operators have adopted them. There are also 'please offer me a seat' badges. I find them really useful because it means I know if someone needs a seat when it might not be immediately obvious. Saves a lot of guessing games and potential embarrassment around pregnancy that might just be posture!

Agree with PP - neither of you were unreasonable. She may have asked you because you were female and I don’t doubt it might have required bravery to ask but you also couldn’t give your seat up. I don’t see why either needs to “trump”the other. Also not sure why the woman didn’t ask someone sitting in the priority seats unless they were already filled with people quite obviosuly requiring them (which is often not the case in my experience).

I’ve been sat on a floor on train from Euston > Manchester whilst in between vomiting in the toilet - I didn’t look pregnant but the train conductor kindly found me a seat without me asking. In the same pregnancy at about 9 months pregnant I was on a tram and immediately offered a seat that I didn’t need as I felt able to stand. Everyone experiences pregnancy differently and it’s dynamic. If I asked someone to give up their seat and they couldn’t I would be understanding instead of looking shocked and just ask someone else - surely the carriage is full of people who could give up the seat. Unless you’re not used to using public transport this will be a very common experience for the pregnant person that they will have to get used to. My pet peeve was having to ask people to move their bags off chairs when they could see people didn’t have seats !

Neither of you were unreasonable. Some women do need a seat in early pregnancy, despite it not being an illness. I fainted standing up on the tube on my commute when I was 11 weeks pregnant, but could stand fine when I was 35 weeks. Lots of women also have related illnesses. But ideally someone who is feeling more able to stand should give up their seat. I have to say, I often don’t notice those badges people wear, and at this time of year often don’t notice pregnancy bumps due to large coats and scarves. Sounds like just one of those things where no one was at fault

I would always give up my seat for a pregnant woman or elderly or disabled person. YABU

I couldn’t get to the priority seats at the other end of the carriage (packed train) if I could they are the first I would’ve asked. I could only ask the people directly to my right I got a reply like I said as above and I think I was too mortified to ask someone else in case they said no too!

There should just be one generic badge that says, "Please offer me a seat". We don't need the details.

I think it's cheeky to ask for the seat of a 60 year old woman (or man, for that matter). When I was pregnant I asked for seats all the time, but I approached young people! (Mostly men, but not only) I still ask for seats if there's a pregnant woman or elderly person standing nearby.

I was even offered snacks and water on occasion, which I refused politely because even though they seemed nice I don't take food and drink off strange men. But I did find it very sweet and quite a reversal of the stereotypes about Asian men and their treatment of women.

I agree with other posters - you were an easy target. Ask an older woman rather than a young one who might give you grief. You were not unreasonable.

I hate it when people say this, as someone who had hyperemesis gravidarum. It's absolutely awful. Why do some women hate other women?

So typical for two women, both feeling vulnerable, to be pitted against each other in this situation. Neither was at fault.

A fall during early pregnancy i.e. before someone is showing is highly unlikely to cause any problem whatsoever. It has no impact on baseline risk of pregnancy loss and placenta abruption is extremely rare in the first trimester. It requires a major trauma for there to be any tangible safety concern. Once someone is further on, then the risks of a fall, as well as the potential for it occurring start to increase.

The risk of someone who has already recently had a fall and is still not recovered, falling again is going to be higher.

OP did nothing wrong in not giving up her non-priority seat.