Asked to give up my seat on bus

Priority seats are usually the ones closest to the entrance/exit and usually easiest to access overall. It's more a question of practicality than anything else.

Thank you I hate that argument too.
I used to know a guy who was paralysed legs down due to attempting a very stupid jump into a rocky river while drunk. He made a bad choice and ended up disabled. Does he not deserve consideration because he made a choice with consequences he didn't foresee? Of course not it's still tragic.
Pregnancy is q lot harder for some than others and even if they've chosen to be pregnant they still deserve consideration and care.

Yanbu to refuse if there are other people who appear more able to give up their seats (you probably appeared the most approachable being a ‘nice lady of a certain age’).

I’d definitely have explained “because it’s difficult for me to stand with my injury” though rather than make it seem like you may just not have a good reason.

Yes they do. There’s a generic “Please offer me a seat” badge.

I was thinking about this on a crowded Tube carriage the other day. I was getting pointed looks from a parent of a child standing near me. I'm over 65, so I feel it's OK for me to sit while others stand although I would never ask for a seat (I'm pretty fit & stable & healthy). I will and do offer my seat to someone obviously older than me or visibly disabled, but not a child.

What's changed is that I'm of the generation where as children & teenagers we were required - by the conditions of our travel passes - to give up our seats to any adult. This was policed by bus drivers & conductors (remember bus conductors?).

And now, I'm expected to give up my seat ?

YANBU @Motnight Not at all. I wonder if the reason the woman asked you is that she's aware her own generation have been raised to be very selfish about offering seats, because as children, they were never required to give up seats to adults.

As I said, the train was packed otherwise I would’ve asked those in the priority seating. Perhaps I should’ve shouted across the aisle, hindsight is great! Oh and it was a man I asked, I would guess mid 40s so nothing to do with asking an older woman to find her less intimidating! :) I only asked when I knew I desperately needed the seat, I guess this post took me back to that feeling and why I said OP should’ve given it up. Everyone can have an opinion without being grilled for it.

No. Each of them needed a seat and OP was there first. There would be other Passengers more able to stand and in my experience someone usually offers.

In my experience people don’t give seats to pregnant people so she probably needed to ask.

I remember standing on a busy train (wanted to sit but was too scared to ask anyone) and another standing passenger started having a go at me for standing and saying I shouldn’t be. I then questioned where I should sit. He suggested I should take a first class seat but I know that wouldn’t go well is a ticket inspector came round. Eventually someone overheard him complaining at me and gave me a seat.

Because the first trimester is famously symptom free?

A woman with pregnancy nausea being jiggled and jolted around on a cramped bus. What could possibly go wrong?

Get a grip 😂😂😂
There are myriad reasons as to why someone may need a seat on public transport. Pregnancy may well be one of them, so may having an unsteady gait, or heart problems, or vertigo, or joint inflammation and so on… has London Transport provided badges for all of those situations?

In that case she needed to find a priority seat, that’s what they exist for.

I’m guessing she asked you because you’re more approachable, but realistically she should have asked someone younger. One time I was heavily pregnant on a train and not a single finance bro moved.

So much agree!

Who do you know who you know for sure definitely has been suffering no problems in pregnancy, but has insisted on a seat purely out of entitlement?

Because my experience has been often they don't ask and need to be offered.

Why? She is also a priority. More so than a pregnant woman unless heavily pregnant.

All the other people on the bus, it would seem.

Passing out from low BP is less of need than being in your 60s? Have you always been an insufferable martyr? Personally I put my baby's safety above my need to appear virtuous during pregnancy.

I LOATHE the statement 'pregnancy isn't an illness' - what sort of horrible culture would leave a pregnant woman, carrying a baby inside her - vulnerable to the danger of falling for starters and possibly feeling really sick - standing over more able bodied people.

what a horrible mindset.

The OP was not in a priority seat and said no as she feels unwell herself , why does pregnancy trump the OPs ailments ? If there were no seats then there were plenty of other people to ask . I agree pregnancy can be an illness , it was for me both times but as someone who now looks fit but has several chronic diseases that make standing difficult I’d say no if someone asked for my seat .

Absolutely. This is why the badges are so useful.

id agree with this but I was lucky. At 7 months pregnant I had to take a few tube journeys and several kind men got up to offer me their seats. I was grateful but actually didn't take them up on it as I was ok to stand and actually a bit embarrassed! I was really lucky though that I didn't need to and lucky that several people were kind enough to ask. This was in 2011. Maybe things have changed a bit in the years since.

She probably asked you because you looked the most approachable. I'm your age and I get this too. I also have a disability that makes it hard for me to stand on a bus, but isn't visible.

by the way, the little comments that are always made about people not looking pregnant - I had to commute when pregnant and the absolute worst was when I didn't 'look' pregnant because I was 4/5 months and hd horrific morning sickness

Did she ask someone else? Did someone else offer? Because that would be the most reasonable outcome, really.

If I was asked but couldn't stand I would turn around and say loudly 'this lady is pregnant please could someone give her a seat' -

I have done this many times on the tube/bus! (not when I had a seat myself but just when people are not noticing a need.

I would not just leave a pregnant woman to keep asking around as that is unkind and she could be feeling really sick.

Yes, I think the badges are a great idea. I don't want to assume someone's pregnant or infirm and cause offence, and it's obvious when someone's need is greater than mine.

I found when pregnant I was regularly offered seats on the Tube and buses in London, I don't remember having to ask to sit down once I was showing. It was pretty good overall (except for the bus driver who refused to let me on when it was 80 degrees and I was 8 months pregnant with shopping and my card wouldn't tap.... him, I would cheerfully string up).

I have noticed others be ignored, though, including people who obviously would need a seat, eg on crutches or very elderly. And I have been known to announce that fact loudly down the carriage (if standing myself and so not able to offer a seat) - the joys of perimenopause and no longer giving any fucks.

Anecdotally, the people most liable to offer a seat seem to be young men, though middle aged women are also considerate. The least likely to offer are well to do looking middle aged men in expensive suits, reading the FT.

OP - you did nothing wrong, you needed the seat as much as she did. You could consider asking others on her behalf in future, perhaps, to save her the embarrassment. As pp says, easier to ask on others' behalf than on your own.