Asked to give up my seat on bus

I’ve gone through my stages of life of standing (without having to be asked) for a seat on public transport but now I am older have some painful health issues, I won’t be giving up my seat.

OP has said that she wasn't in a priority seat.

Oh how lovely of you, to offer to pay for pregnant women to finish work in the first trimester. Very generous indeed. My SIL is pregnant currently, should she sent her bank details or will you be posting a cheque to cover her leaving work immediately to avoid being out on public transport?

The thing is, no one is saying it’s ok to not give a pregnant woman a seat - what they ARE saying is that the OP had an equally valid reason for being in the seat (which wasn't a Priority seat). I think it’s a shitty attitude to not think other people may equally need to be seated along with a pregnant woman.

Shouldn't be out on crowded buses in her condition. Imo.

Of course they do, but not everybody has one.

Not if they are Male, and young, they don't!

You can also be quite far along without looking it though. I never had a baby bump that was visible through my clothes.

Not to say that the OP should have given up her seat, but you can't always tell how pregnant someone is by looking at them. They both should have seats in this scenario.

Sounds like you needed it so definitely not unreasonable. It's also not unreasonable for her to ask as long as she accepts the no.

I found it in the later stages of pregnancy easier to stand in a bus than early on when I wasn’t visibly pregnant but nausea meant that I really had to sit down. I’d also have asked someone who looks early 60s for a seat, OPs situation wasn’t visible/clear until she said she also has a need for a seat.

You're over 60 and unsteady due to a recent fall. You need to sit.

She could have asked someone else.

There are nuances to this. I'm in my 50s and have a knee injury that sometimes gives me trouble, sometimes is fine. I'd offer my seat if my knee was OK or if I was only going to be on the bus for a short time. I wouldn't if in pain or on a longer journey where swaying on the bus might cause it to play up. What I'm saying is that it isn't as simple as being of X age = unable to stand, or having injury = unable to stand.

INVISIBLE DISABILITIES EXIST.

Who said she wasn't polite in refusing??

I don't see why somebody in early pregnancy needs the seat more than someone who's feeling a bit wobbly.

The risk on a pregnant woman of falling in a packed train carriage is going to be minimal - your hyperbole is to be applauded

I'm not a fan of the 'baby on board' badges. Didn't want to wear one (a tfl staff member once forced a badge upon me and didn't understand why I refused to take it!). Appreciate I didn't suffer during pregnancy, but also my feeling was if I needed to sit down I'd just say to someone 'I'm pregnant and feeling unwell, can I have your seat?' If they'd said they too were unwell/disabled I would have asked someone else.

How is everyone deciding the lady was in early pregnancy? I didn’t have a visible bump until I was well over 7 months, I did however have excruciating pelvis pain that made it hard to stand. I think the OP was right in this instance as she also needed a seat, someone else should have stood.

Motnight
I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

Maybe she thought you looked fit and healthy too and that's why she asked.

Same.

I've been pregnant (didn't stick, unfortunately) and the bit of nausea, etc that I experienced didn't prevent me from standing on a bus. (Yes, I know - everyone's different during pregnancy.)

Now I'm in my 60s, have a diagnosis of patella alta, problematic feet, pins in my big toes, a tendon problem in my right foot and standing for lengthy periods of time is more difficult for me.

Unfortunately, I have had a few falls and when it has happened to me, feeling 'wobbly' translates to being 'unsteady on my feet'.

I don’t think you were unreasonable to say no.

Why on earth should a child stand for an adult, unless that adult is infirm or pregnant?

If an adult would take a child's seat just because they are an adult then they are the selfish one.

Because that's how people work.

Why did so many decide op was in a priority seat when her op did not say that?

As a cancer patient, if I’m wearing my wig and have eye make up on, you probably wouldn’t know I had health issues. There is no way I would be able to stand on a crowded bus or train though, and I’d be annoyed at someone who pointed me out as a better candidate for doing so based on my appearance.

Had the woman asked for my seat I would have had no hesitation in gently explaining the reason why I had to decline. I wouldn’t consider either of us as being unreasonable, and I also wouldn’t want to embarrass her with a flat out unexplained refusal.

However, I do try to take responsibility for my own situation and as far as possible would avoid getting on transport I can see is standing room only and require me to attempt to oust someone from their seat.