Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to give up my seat on bus

666 replies

Motnight · 05/01/2026 16:36

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
justasking111 · 05/01/2026 18:29

I hope someone let her sit if she needed a seat.

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 18:28

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:58

Well it doesnt trump a broken leg, it does trump a sore throat. I put a "bit wobbly" in the same category as the latter.

Show quote history

Just wait till you're over 60, is all I say.

LighthouseLED · 05/01/2026 18:26

Please don’t anyone tell me they’ve all got hidden disabilities - I simply don’t believe it. And why is it always young women, and never young men? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a young man doing this.

The young men are all on the Tube! And, yes, some may well have hidden disabilities. But I don’t imagine all of them do.

SpaceRaccoon · 05/01/2026 18:26

runningonberocca · 05/01/2026 18:25

The OP didn’t say that she had actually sustained an injury . Clearly well enough to be using public transport a few days later. As someone who is currently navigating public transport on crutches with a Tib/fib fracture it’s infuriating when people who are clearly not disabled plonk themselves in the priority seats. And yes - I know there are hidden disabilities.

Show quote history

OP wasn't in a priority seat.

runningonberocca · 05/01/2026 18:25

InterIgnis · 05/01/2026 16:48

That doesn’t mean she’s healed from any injury and pain that fall caused. Entitlement? Sure, she was indeed entitled to use the seat.

The woman wasn’t unreasonable to want a seat, but Op wasn’t unreasonable in saying no to her request.

Edited
Show quote history

The OP didn’t say that she had actually sustained an injury . Clearly well enough to be using public transport a few days later. As someone who is currently navigating public transport on crutches with a Tib/fib fracture it’s infuriating when people who are clearly not disabled plonk themselves in the priority seats. And yes - I know there are hidden disabilities.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/01/2026 18:24

MaddieJo22 · 05/01/2026 18:18

Imagine if you got an invisible disability for a moment. Please reflect on it. The impact, the pain, the loss, the utter horror of it.

Then imagine someone claimed you were making it up.

Please, please don't.

Show quote history

As I’ve said, I’m well aware that hidden disabilities exist! But I don’t believe that EVERY young woman by any means who I see using priority seats, is afflicted. Especially when I never see young men doing the same.

What part of that do you not understand?

Terrribletwos · 05/01/2026 18:22

Motnight · 05/01/2026 16:44

@midsomermurderer can I ask why I should have moved?

I do feel guilty - never refused before and in fact always offer my seat on public transport to people who I see needs it more than me. But honestly I don't feel 100% physically.

Show quote history

I think maybe you're feeling guilty cos you perhaps should have explained to her that you couldn't give up your seat as you had recently had a fall and felt a bit wobbly. Is that it?

PolkaDotPorridge · 05/01/2026 18:21

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:39

it takes a bit of bravery to ask, if you were in a priority seat you should have moved

Nonsense! OP was the priority in this case.

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:21

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 18:18

Why? @Motnight had more need of a seat. Being pregnant is not a disabiity.

Show quote history

She was within her rights to ask for a priority seat, pregnancy can affect women differently, she is allowed to need a priority seat.

ScupperedbytheSea · 05/01/2026 18:20

It's not a competition where pregnancy trumps every other person's needs.

Whenever I see people giving up their seats to pregnant womwn, it's nearly almost always other women of all ages (and sometimes younger men). Very rarely the middle age men in suits doing their very busy important work on their phones.

She probably asked you because she sub consciously thought this, but I would say a better tactic would be for her to say 'would anyone mind giving up their seat?' in general, rather than target one person.

You needed the seat, so you were fine to decline.

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:19

LittleMi55Nobody · 05/01/2026 18:18

wow...pregnancy (in the majority) isnt an illness...i rode my motorblke to work and back everyday and i was 2 weeks over due before i stopped...

Edited
Show quote history

Most priority seats are signposted as being for the elderly, disabled, pregnant women and women with babes in arms.

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 18:18

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:39

it takes a bit of bravery to ask, if you were in a priority seat you should have moved

Why? @Motnight had more need of a seat. Being pregnant is not a disabiity.

MaddieJo22 · 05/01/2026 18:18

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/01/2026 18:14

Yes, I’m well aware of that.

Funny how they are evidently confined to the many young women I see plonking themselves in priority seats, though. The same ones who mostly hop on and off the bus like mountain goats.

Presumably all the young men with hidden disabilities are happy to use the seats further back, or maybe they just don’t use the buses,

Show quote history

Imagine if you got an invisible disability for a moment. Please reflect on it. The impact, the pain, the loss, the utter horror of it.

Then imagine someone claimed you were making it up.

Please, please don't.

LittleMi55Nobody · 05/01/2026 18:18

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:39

it takes a bit of bravery to ask, if you were in a priority seat you should have moved

wow...pregnancy (in the majority) isnt an illness...i rode my motorblke to work and back everyday and i was 2 weeks over due before i stopped...

vagnotwhatitwas · 05/01/2026 18:18

No disrespect to the OP and I agree with PP who think both deserved a seat. Coming on to make a general point that early 60s is not old/elderly! I'm 62 and extremely fit. I'm well able to stand for long periods of time, and in fact get rather offended when polite young people offer me their seat on the tube 😂

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:15

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/01/2026 18:14

Yes, I’m well aware of that.

Funny how they are evidently confined to the many young women I see plonking themselves in priority seats, though. The same ones who mostly hop on and off the bus like mountain goats.

Presumably all the young men with hidden disabilities are happy to use the seats further back, or maybe they just don’t use the buses,

Show quote history

Why are you so fixated on young women? I see this kind of behaviour from both sexes.

LML1989AL · 05/01/2026 18:15

RabbitsEatPancakes · 05/01/2026 16:39

Honestly she probably just found you the least intimidating to ask or potentially you were the one who wasn't buried on your phone.

She asked and you answered. No one being unreasonable.

Was just about to say this

MaddieJo22 · 05/01/2026 18:15

itsjustafoodbaby · 05/01/2026 18:13

Having to explain your condition sounds exhausting. If you have to do that regularly, I'm sorry!

Show quote history

Thank you!!

NoTouch · 05/01/2026 18:15

I am in my 50s and had a fall last week - face planked the bloody pavement 🙈, and believe me I feel worse than I ever did when young and pregnant! Never realised how a fall could impact me both physically and confidence so much until it happened.

Fine for OP to say she needs her seat until she feels better, the women can quite easily ask someone else.

Hope you feel better soon OP 💐

landlordhell · 05/01/2026 18:14

Everyone is head down on the phone.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/01/2026 18:14

MaddieJo22 · 05/01/2026 17:51

INVISIBLE DISABILITIES EXIST.

Show quote history

Yes, I’m well aware of that.

Funny how they are evidently confined to the many young women I see plonking themselves in priority seats, though. The same ones who mostly hop on and off the bus like mountain goats.

Presumably all the young men with hidden disabilities are happy to use the seats further back, or maybe they just don’t use the buses,

MyDeftDuck · 05/01/2026 18:14

Did you suggest that she asks one the younger, fitter passenger's OP?

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:13

I wouldn't ask someone in their 60s for a seat.

When I take my elderly disabled mun on the tube, I ask the general carriage 'can someone please give my mum a seat, she can't stand'. Someone always gets up.

So YANBU for not getting up. I'm guessing she felt more comfortable asking a woman but it doesn't help if women only ask women to give things up.

itsjustafoodbaby · 05/01/2026 18:13

MaddieJo22 · 05/01/2026 18:11

But are people saying that? I'm with you that I, as a disabled person, wouldn't actually give my seat to a pregnant woman. And I didn't chose my disability! But I still think they should have a seat. I would hope someone would give them one. The issue is (and people with invisible disabilities know this more than anyone) that people don't know. I mean in my case, they literally would have no idea, even if they were looking. But often people's heads are bent down, they're reading, scrolling etc. Then the onus is on the person to ask. And they might accidentally ask a disabled person like me and I'll say "I'm really sorry but I've got XXX" and explain my condition as then people understand and it's easier. I think people just need to self-advocate (and, honestly, not glare at "healthy" people in the priority seats as you really don't know what's going on).

Show quote history

Having to explain your condition sounds exhausting. If you have to do that regularly, I'm sorry!

Nopenott0day · 05/01/2026 18:13

After reading through the thread....

I'm so fucking glad I drive.