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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asked to give up my seat on bus

666 replies

Motnight · 05/01/2026 16:36

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/01/2026 19:06

Nobody can judge anyone else’s situation fully. what you see of someone doesn’t show what’s going on inside.

If you see someone who looks like they are struggling more than you would then offer your seat. If someone asks and you can then offer your seat. If you can’t then say “sorry I can’t” then help do a wider ask of people nearby if someone can help.

being on public transport at a busy time is horrible. If everyone was a bit kinder it would make it more tolerable

OCDmama · 05/01/2026 19:03

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Dolphinnoises · 05/01/2026 19:01

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2026 16:55

why? the seats are for those less able to stand. why do you think op, in her 60s and having recently had a fall and in pain is more able to stand than someone who's pregnant and not even contending with a bump?

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That’s a weird thing to say. My early weeks were incredibly difficult on public transport. I felt very dizzy, exacerbated if I had to strap-hang by having an arm raised

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 19:00

RippleTV · 05/01/2026 17:16

No one's saying the pregnant woman shouldn't have a seat, only that the OP didnt need to be the one to give it.

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This.

But clearly, according to @midsomermurderer an older woman is fair game.

MN never disappoints in its ageism.

nomas · 05/01/2026 19:00

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 17:43

I was thinking about this on a crowded Tube carriage the other day. I was getting pointed looks from a parent of a child standing near me. I'm over 65, so I feel it's OK for me to sit while others stand although I would never ask for a seat (I'm pretty fit & stable & healthy). I will and do offer my seat to someone obviously older than me or visibly disabled, but not a child.

What's changed is that I'm of the generation where as children & teenagers we were required - by the conditions of our travel passes - to give up our seats to any adult. This was policed by bus drivers & conductors (remember bus conductors?).

And now, I'm expected to give up my seat ?

YANBU @Motnight Not at all. I wonder if the reason the woman asked you is that she's aware her own generation have been raised to be very selfish about offering seats, because as children, they were never required to give up seats to adults.

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What's changed is that I'm of the generation

I wonder if the reason the woman asked you is that she's aware her own generation have been raised to be very selfish

Did your generation teach you to be so judgemental about younger people?

I'm middle aged and I've had acts of kindness from teens, young people, elderly, everyone. You get back what you give to the world.

LadyKenya · 05/01/2026 18:59

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:48

You shouldn't have to explain your need anyway.

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This. There is no need for explanations, a polite decline is enough.

MyBrightPeer · 05/01/2026 18:59

60andcounting · 05/01/2026 16:47

Do women wear badges to say they are pregnant ?

Yes, it’s very common. It’s a useful way to flag to people who need a seat.

Retrogamer · 05/01/2026 18:59

Hope she managed to get offered a seat. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.

SamPoodle123 · 05/01/2026 18:57

I would have said to her in a nice way that you also need the seat because you are over 60 and feeling unwell before suggesting she asked someone else younger and more fit. She probably did not think about this, but good to explain to her she should be asking people that are young and not the elderly.

OCDmama · 05/01/2026 18:57

Noshadelamp · 05/01/2026 16:57

Sad age we live in when people debate whether its right to give the pregnant woman a seat.. @midsomermurderer

Being pregnant isn't a disability. There's pregnant women that work on their feet all day, run marathons, run round after small children.

So being pregnant in itself doesn't automatically entitled you to an occupied seat.

Op wasn't in a priority seat, and had physical health needs herself.
There would have been other people on the bus more able bodied to give up their seat to the pregnant woman.

Well, probably these women don't wear the badge.

For pregnant women suffering with low blood pressure, UTIs, sickness, aching backs, hips, knees and feet, the badges help.

Don't be a dick.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/01/2026 18:56

Changename12 · 05/01/2026 18:13

Anyone who needs a seat for a disability can get a badge to say so.
OP is unreasonable to think that her age in anyway entitles her to a seat over younger people.

You can have a Disabled Person's Freedom pass and still have utter pillocks haranguing you about not really needing the seat. Personally, I wondered why the full length leg brace and crutches wasn't more of a clue, but then realised that they couldn't actually see me, they just saw a woman taking up space who naturally deserved verbal abuse for doing so.

BertSymptom · 05/01/2026 18:55

Soontobe60 · 05/01/2026 17:59

Really???

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You can look it up if you don’t believe me.

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 05/01/2026 18:55

Lassofnorth · 05/01/2026 18:49

I see this quite alot but not just men. My gripe is little children that could go on a parents knees when a bus is crowded.

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My gripe is children who have a seat but don't use it. There was one on the train recently - train full, people standing in the vestibules. Boy of maybe 5 years old - had a seat but was anywhere but sitting in it, crawling under the table, standing on his sister's seat, messing about in the aisle. There were people standing on that train who could have used the seat. He could have fitted on the same seat as his sister for the nanosecond he actually sat still.

Original poster
Motnight · 05/01/2026 18:53

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:39

Sorry, I know you weren't. I was just responding to the pp who said pregnant women don't need a priority set.

As per my previous post, I think you were right to say no, and I hope she asked the carriage at large to give her a seat.

Do you know what she did after she asked you?

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I don't know what happened, I did the classic burying my head in my phone straight afterwards!

OP posts:
Labamba78 · 05/01/2026 18:52

Toucanfusingforme · 05/01/2026 17:58

Someone who is probably a good 30 years younger than her? Someone not even visibly pregnant so unlikely to be in pain? Someone whose balance reactions and general strength would have been 30 years sharper than hers? As opposed to an older person who is sore following a fall and whose confidence will have been affected by the fall? OP, you were entirely right in refusing to!

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Not being visibly pregnant has nothing to do with whether you’re in pain or not! I support the OP here but honestly some of these comments are astounding!

StarCourt · 05/01/2026 18:51

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This

TwinklySquid · 05/01/2026 18:51

I need a stick to walk and stand but I’d still give my seat up for someone elderly or pregnant as if they fell, it would be far more serious. I’m already knackered 😂

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2026 18:50

ParmaVioletTea · 05/01/2026 17:43

I was thinking about this on a crowded Tube carriage the other day. I was getting pointed looks from a parent of a child standing near me. I'm over 65, so I feel it's OK for me to sit while others stand although I would never ask for a seat (I'm pretty fit & stable & healthy). I will and do offer my seat to someone obviously older than me or visibly disabled, but not a child.

What's changed is that I'm of the generation where as children & teenagers we were required - by the conditions of our travel passes - to give up our seats to any adult. This was policed by bus drivers & conductors (remember bus conductors?).

And now, I'm expected to give up my seat ?

YANBU @Motnight Not at all. I wonder if the reason the woman asked you is that she's aware her own generation have been raised to be very selfish about offering seats, because as children, they were never required to give up seats to adults.

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nonsense. raising children to not stand whilst a perfectly fit and able stands isn't raising a generation of selfish beats who expect the elderly to subjugate all their needs to the tide of youth 🤨.

my kids move if the other person is less able / less safe standing. so you, as an elderly person, yes. a 20 yo in gym gear, no

Lassofnorth · 05/01/2026 18:49

Flamethrowers · 05/01/2026 18:41

I was on a train today and there were loads of young people in their twenties mainly men on the underground row and at least three people who looked to be late sixties early seventies standing. I would expect my kids to stand for them and young able adults

I see this quite alot but not just men. My gripe is little children that could go on a parents knees when a bus is crowded.

BlackCatDiscoClub · 05/01/2026 18:48

You were fine to keep your seat. You've had a fall and need to sit, she is pregnant and also needs to sit, but you cant get into who needs it more, they are first come first served. I hope someone else was able to give her a seat but its not your responsibility.

Veronicasharmonica · 05/01/2026 18:48

Unless there is a medical reason, I think it’s ridiculous to think early pregnancy is a reason for a seat. Later on, yes.

NewYearSameYou · 05/01/2026 18:48

midsomermurderer · 05/01/2026 16:39

it takes a bit of bravery to ask, if you were in a priority seat you should have moved

Completely disagree

OP's needs were no less than the woman's needs.

nomas · 05/01/2026 18:48

Motnight · 05/01/2026 18:47

I think that I said no I am in my early 60s, and could she ask one of the younger more able bodied passengers. Something along those lines. Definitely mentioned my age. Didn't say anything about my feeling a bit wobbly - I didn't want a conversation!

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You shouldn't have to explain your need anyway.

Original poster
Motnight · 05/01/2026 18:47

saraclara · 05/01/2026 18:41

@Motnight did you explain why you didn't want to give up your seat?

Rather than 'no, can you ask someone else' I'd have said 'I'm really sorry but I've just had a fall and I'm not feeling too good. Would you mind asking someone else?'

I think that I said no I am in my early 60s, and could she ask one of the younger more able bodied passengers. Something along those lines. Definitely mentioned my age. Didn't say anything about my feeling a bit wobbly - I didn't want a conversation!

OP posts:
StarCourt · 05/01/2026 18:46

HoLeeFuk · 05/01/2026 17:08

YABVU because you did the same as her, singling out certain people to ask directly because they "look" less able to stand. If you think that's acceptable then how can you whinge when someone does it to you?

Op isn’t whinging she is asking if we think she was unreasonable.