Asked to give up my seat on bus

Quite. As a pp has said, someone doesn't choose to be old or disabled, women do choose to be pregnant (generally speaking, in the UK, anyway).

I disagree actually, it's when you feel horribly sick and it's not fun to have to stand up on a stuffy bus!

You weren't being unreasonable at all. I hope someone did offer her a seat though.

When I was very heavily pregnant (and obvious that I was pregnant and not fat) and no one offered, I asked and people just looked down. My friend shouted out that someone needs to get up and someone said I'm getting off at the next stop so you can have my seat then (half hour away). I would be absolutely mortified if my older teens DC did not get up for someone, I do understand not offering as it seems that people get easily offended these days but a lot of people are just rude.

A young child is more vulnerable standing in a bus than most adults would be. So I don't have an issue with them having a seat up to about 7 years old.

In Australia, there are signs in trains etc (at least where we were staying) saying that children have to give up their seats to adults. We were on our way back to where we were staying after a long day, and my six year old DD was clearly unwell, and really pale. I stood (together with a couple of other adults) while she had a seat. The other two adults were giving me looks, so I told them that she was unwell (as if it wasn't obvious). But they still huffed.

I find it really cringe to ask someone to give up their seat and I’d only do it if I had an explanation to go with it and being pregnant wouldn’t be a good enough excuse for me. I’d have to say I’m really sorry I’m pregnant AND have terrible morning sickness but had to take this journey for example. Or, really sorry to ask but I’ve just had an operation. In your situation, I’d of said I’m really sorry I can’t because….
I would have offered her my seat but I’m in 40’s and healthy.

I’d presume that young people don’t know this rule so wouldn’t overly judge them but I presume all over 40’s do so would judge all people I presumed fit and healthy who didn’t offer. Even worse, a parent who didn’t make their child get up, that would be the epitome of bad manners if my secret judgey mind

You did the right thing.

It really p**s me off when those who are pregnant, those who CHOOSE to be pregnant, expect everyone to move so they can sit down!

I'm female, an ex-bus driver, and have seen loads of it over the years, pregnant people expecting unfit or disabled or elderly people to move. I even had one who demanded that a man in a wheelchair move out of the wheelchair section so she could sit down because she was heavily pregnant and dragging another 3 sprogs along with her! I told her NO, he didn't ask to be disabled, whereas she chose to be pregnant. She huffed and puffed and threw some mighty tantrums; the man was frightened; her sprogs were screaming, so I threw her and her kids off!

Why does the pregnant woman Trump an elderly woman with balance issues after a fall?

No they are also for the elderly and injured.

Both of you were being reasonable.

I had the same recently recovering from a leg injury. I look fine but could not stand beyond a few minutes. A pregnant woman asked and I declined. She looked a bit miffed but a guy then gave her his seat. Signs do warn that disabilities maybe hidden.

but given it's cheaper and quieter to travel later, it would suggest those travelling earlier need to. it doesnt matter of their needs meet your criteria. no one is travelling rush hour public transport for shits and giggles! and I caught a bus at 10 am today, theoretically every 7 minutes and it was rammed. I and my son managed to get a seat but we took the last two. waiting later doesn't necessarily mean an empty bus

Sorry, but fuck that. I'm 70 and although generally fit, I'm just starting to have some minor issues that could lead to me needing a seat on buses (not the tube as yet, as that tends to be less jerky).
I'm not going to start building my routine around not inconveniencing those younger than me.

I've found no trend. Literally none. Some people are nice, some aren't. Is that just me?

Totally agree. Should disabled people live in caves?

Nope no badge

She had a badge on, and he said he'd have got up if asked. So he should have just got up.

Not unreasonable to ask and not unreasonable for you to decline if you needed it. I'm pregnant atm and people generally don't offer their seats, even priority, unless I ask. Although I usually try to ask a young man.

I must say that when people don't look pregnant that can often be when they need it the most. I struggled with a lot of bleeding in my first trimester and although I wore a badge no one ever gave me a seat which I really needed so I ended up waiting for multiple trains to come till it was empty enough for me to get one. I got braver with asking as my bump became more visible!

It’s not always so easy to organise your day even if you’re not working. What if you have a morning medical appointment?

Reminds me of when I used the bus to travel to and from work at one time. My work was near a large arts/theatre venue. The bus was more or less empty when I boarded it on the way home, but invariably when it stopped outside the venue, there would be a huge crowd of pensioners fresh out of the matinee and the bus would get packed. Judging from the glances I got I was obviously expected to give up my seat but to be honest I resented it, I’d been working all day while they were out gallivanting, and what’s more I’d paid for my seat and they had their free buss passes!

I don't think her being/looking early in her pregancy is a sure sign she doesn't need a seat. My friends usually well managed type 1 diabetes went haywire during her pregancy, especially in response to her morning sickness and she had lots of wobbly spells and was generally in need of extra care. Looking at her alone you wouldn't have known though.

The other thing I was wondering was whether she possibly deliberately walked past the priority seats because she assumed those are all filled by people in need and picked the first friendly "non priority" face she spotted. OP was right to say no, but I don't think the pregnant lady was necessarily wrong to ask.

I wouldn't assume that they personally have been pregnant, but presumably at some time in their life they would have been around other pregnant friends and relatives and can see how hard it can be at times.

I also didn't say the OP was unreasonable in needing the seat, but it was more her response and also attitude towards the pregnant woman which wasn't great. If I was sick or pregnant and they didn't realise and a disabled person asked for my seat, I wouldn't just say no and say they should ask someone else, I'd kindly say I'm really sorry I can't (if I didn't feel like I could), but I'd see what I could do to help them secure them an alternative seat. I have actually asked on people's behalves on several occassions if I've been able and standing up and noticed someone who needed it and those sitting down didn't.

I would go as far as saying most of my 60 year old friends are pretty fit. Maybe the all the "elderly" 60 years just move in different circles to me.

No I don’t think people with poor mobility should stay at home and I certainly hope I don’t. I just think elderly people who need to sit down should not travel on public transport during the rush hours unless it cannot be avoided. Most retired people do travel off peak anyway as it is cheaper.

No I don’t believe the majority of 60+ people are out running everyday, but there are a significant number who keep themselves fit by excercise and yes some run. It is not an exception.

Yes I agree (can’t find the pp to quote), and I think what the OP was saying was more ‘the lady would have been better to try the younger people, who could of course refuse if they had some hidden issue’, rather than saying ‘they were definitely fine to stand up simply because they looked 20s/30s’.

The young man wasn’t in a priority seat and you couldn’t tell be looking at her that the young woman needed a seat.

This may be caused because they didnt get the treatment they wanted or needed themselves in pregnancy, so they brain creates this buffer that makes them think no pregnant woman is in nedd of a seat. It spares them to acknowledge that they were not treated well which may be too panifull to realize.