Asked to give up my seat on bus

@Motnight
I think this should be on the post about
Being asked to give up your bus seat
Somehow got posted in the wrong spot!

@Motnight
Have had this happen once myself and when I looked around at the other people seated I realised I'd been asked because they lacked the nerve to ask the rugby player types who were seated
I said no; go
Ask a able-bodied gentleman instead
Instead of a pensioner who's just had her knees done.....

You're as fascinated by words as I am 🤣

From 'Murder at Mistletoe Manor' , F.L. Everett, page 2: 'They needed a break from each other and while researching an in-depth piece on Middlesbrough's ageing homeless population in mid December was admittedly bleak, it ensured Harriet had no reason to envy him.'

I probably have read the other version in UK writing, but have auto corrected in my head. Now I'd better stop this before I'm reprimanded for being off topic,

Interesting. So many things are circular. Many U.S. spellings were originally standard English spellings taken over the ocean. While U.K English evolved, americans continued with the old spellings. Some of the Brontes' books have the old forms such as color, favor and gotten. Gotten, of course, has made a come back here, as has aging, clearly. I suspect dictionaries probably still list aging as the U.S. form, but they don't necessarily reflect current usage. Similarly americans still use constructions like I wish I would have ... where we would say I wish I had ...

Some time would be since I could read, so 64 years!

Not sure A level English is relevant to whether a U.S. spelling has become common usage in the UK. Both aging and ageing are correct but until now I'd only come across aging in books by american writers, although that doesn't mean it hasn't been over here for some time.

I'm UK born and bred and studied English to A level. I've never spelt aging any other way than I would spell raging, waging, assuaging, etc.

That's a fair point - maybe she is depressed. At one point over the last year I thought she was suffering from some kind of early dementia - she has just changed so much.😟

Out of interest, are some of you american? Not relevant to anything. Just noticed the US spelling 'aging' is being used. Just curious as to whether it's a variant that has crossed the Atlantic now, or if just by chance there are american posters on this thread.

She can't tell you she's depressed if she doesn't realise it herself.

I can see that you're a good friend, concerned that she may cause herself more physical degradation than necessary by giving in to aches and pains. It's a fact that doing more exercise, within reason, reduces joint pain and increases mental and physical health. . I can see that her attitude is fast spoiling her friendship for you. It would do the same for me.

Other than that, is there a problem with her having chosen to embrace being old and use it as an excuse to slow down?

She has been through a lot recently - but I really don't think she's depressed - she's very honest and upfront - she'd tell me - she's not the sort to hide of emotions. I'm hoping her mindset is a temporary result of her processing recent events and her need for recovery - but I really worry about her giving up and giving in to the aging process.
We always used to laugh at my granny who always would describe her age as in her 85th year - she was never 84 years old. My mother started saying that in her mid 80s too. It feels like my friend who is 69, is determined for the world to know she's nearly 70, I fear she is embracing her advancing years a little bit too enthusiastically.

@Cushylife would know if she was Depressed.

I don’t think you were unreasonable to refuse. But in your place I would’ve helped her find a seat by requesting someone else. Makes her feel a bit less awkward and you less guilty. Turning her down probably meant she wouldn’t have mustered the courage to ask again. That’s sad.

Oh dear, what a frustrating holiday for you. Such an unhealthy mindset for her. I've only gone for one night stays with my friend and even in these short times it got wearing. Talked about how things start to go wrong as you get older, described herself as falling apart, and now and then muttered 'oh dear' while simply walking along a street. She seems to enjoy it, which is bizarre.

If she is not neurodiverse (I didn't say ASD) then she sounds depressed. She could be both. My guess, not knowing her at all, is that she's mentioning 70 every day because she feels 70 every day and is appalled by the aches, pains and gradual reduction in mental and physical capabilities that being 70 brings to almost everyone in comparison with their younger selves.

This part of the discussion started because other people suggested that getting old doesn't have to mean you get less capable. It certainly doesn't mean you're necessarily less capable than some people who are younger than you but it 100% does mean you're less capable than your younger self.

I know her well, for 20 years, have gone on several holidays with her she is not autistic. On the last holiday, when she mentioned being 70 every bloody day, she said it was the most relaxing holiday ever - for me - I felt like I was her carer, that was a bit of a shock.

I am concerned about her - I don't think jumping into this mindset of being old will lead to good health outcomes for her. Working at staying fit and healthy in both mind and body is really important for her - she just appears to have given up - the person she was 2 years ago would be appalled.

I don't think she assumed that at all. I think she simply believed something which is a fact.

That in every 1000 60 and 30 year olds, there will be a lot more people in their 60's who are unable to stand on a bus than there are people in their 30's. Not only due to diseases of age, but due to having twice as many years to accumulate injury and ilnesses.

That is just a given.

🤪

Should read "if an added zero on her age changed her overnight"

The masking is so as not to show the peculiarities, even, or even especially, to their friends. It sounds like the friend didn't know her at all well if an approach zero on her she changed her overnight. That isn't a comment on the friend, it's a comment on how well she was keeping up appearances.

Unlikely since it sounds as if they're good enough friends to make masking unnecessary. Friends take you as you are with all your peculiarities. I suffer from social anxiety but not with a select few.

Let's not forget that menstrual cramps can be debilitating. I had painful periods in 20s then thankfully outgrew them. On one occasion pain so bad I vomited. A young woman suffering like that deserves a seat.

It’s not a fact at all. It’s your interpretation of the words. Stop making a virtue of the fact that you can only see one interpretation while I can see more. It doesn’t make your comprehension skills superior.

’There are some younger people on this bus, and there are some more able bodied ones, I don’t know exactly who that is (because that would be assuming), but there will be at least one, go ask them’. That’s a valid interpretation of the words OP recalls using.

It would be different if OP had pointed to an individual and said ‘go ask that younger more able bodied person there’. She didn’t.

Very silly comment. People have a lot less control over whether they age well than you seem to think. A healthy lifestyle only goes so far. You will find this out as you get older. You have more control over whether or not you become pregnant, although I agree that it isn’t always a choice. Some of my friends who ate well, exercised and never smoked died before 70 or have had strokes and have mobility problems.

@Imdunfer Really sorry to hear you have RA. It can hit at any age, unlike osteoarthritis, which is wear and tear. Have you looked into Buteyko? It can help with autoimmune disorders. Glare works just as well as flare, incidentally. The image of joints glaring at you. There's a lot of inaccurate information out there re Buteyko, so if you're interested, send me a PM and I'll tell you the best articles to read and people to trust.