My son cheated on his girlfriend - Update

Exactly. There wouldn’t be much on mumsnet if people couldn’t t post about the families and partners. OP might well have changed a few details such as age etc.

Good for you OP, and ignore the haters. Some people could get in an argument in an empty room.

Oh come on. Who wasn’t an arsehole in their 20s? I know I did plenty of stupid shite. My parents were far from perfect but they didn’t shame and punish me for my mistakes. They guided and advised and told me when I was wrong. I knew I could speak to them and any reaction would be proportionate and I’d still feel like they were on my side.

Mine too! But an unemployed waster who at the age of 30 had never had a job, was bigged up by his mom sure she knew he cheated & encouraged it.

I think young people do stupid things, I know I did and I won’t believe a single person on here who says they didn’t and that they would be absolutely fine with their Mum telling 1000s of people about the stupid or selfish or thoughtless things they did as young people.

The demands for absolute purity on this website in particular are really quite toxic and I think a lot of people here lie to themselves about the kind of people they are. I would read my son the riot act in this situation but invite 1000s of women on a website to judge him and slag him off? Absolutely not. He’s my son, flawed and foolish at times but still my son. OP is clearly just loving the pats on the back and the “you’re a wonderful Mum” well I don’t think so. I think she’s a disloyal attention seeker.

Maybe if the son hadn’t behaved so badly to GF & mother then there would be no reason to ask the initial question. Then nothing would be posted anywhere.

My ex mil was really lovely but I wished she had spoken to her son about how he deals with women and relationships. I don’t see why a mother can’t have a civilised talk with her adult son when he is negatively affecting the lives of his wives, ex wives, partners and any children. If my sons behave the way their father did I most certainly would have a talk with them.

Potential damage to their relationship wouldn't even be a consideration if he hadn't invited a stranger to his parents home for a shag. Can we stop blaming women for the consequences of men's actions?

OP is being kind enough to let him stay so he can avoid facing the music with his flatmates even though he has shown he has no respect for her home.

Not according to the son. They connected via a dating app he said he had downloaded that morning but he was annoyed about paying for a cab for the woman to get home safely so I did wonder if she might be.

I'd realise that maybe I shouldn't have done the shitty thing in the first place and I've only myself to blame for any fallout which comes from it.

I think a week or two would be fair.

He created the situation. If he now can’t face the music with the people he lives with he needs to sort that out. This isn’t an emergency situation where his been made homeless he is just too worried to show his face.

That’s a actions have consequences situation. Where mums said she doesn’t mind giving him a bit of breathing room but ultimately this isn’t a situation where he can just hide from his problems at mums where he made the issues to start with.

Personally, I think everyone criticising the decision to have him tell her would feel very differently if it was their daughter being cheated on and risking her healthy and well being.

I think you did the right thing, OP. I'm tired of those parents who excuse their son or daughter's shitty cheating / treatment of their partners in this manner. If they're that unhappy, then they should just end the relationship, not sneak around with other people.

You’ve done the right thing.

You did the right thing. I wish my ex husbands mother would have stepped up and made him accountable for his actions. He continues to this day to made awfull decisions with no care for the people around him. Hopefully he’ll think next time and do better.

Good for you and good for her for going on the holiday on her own!
Hopefully your condemnation has made him have a serious think about the kind of person he wants to be and we won’t have his wife posting on here in 10 years time because he’s cheating on her.

I don't think she is 'berating' him. She just made it clear that she didn't approve of his behaviour. Also she isn't letting him stay with her, which I also think is fine. He's an adult, he'll figure it out.

Because she’s made her point and he’s done the right thing and told his girlfriend. If the OP continues to berate him she risks damaging her relationship with him.

Why shouldn't she continue to be disapproving? He needs tough love, not 'there there'.

I’ve tried to ask why he did it exactly but haven’t been able to get any answers

Because he thought he could get away with it, I suspect. Which he may well have done, had you not come home early and caught him. On the one hand, it's positive that he has told his GF the truth, but i'm not at all convinced he would have done that without you forcing his hand. I'm pleased she's gone on the holiday alone, I think she's doing the right thing by letting him sweat for a few days whether or not she decides to carry on the relationship.

From memory fairly specific, as many people are, but no more than the OP’s post which is not particularly identifying. The events happened in private. If we know the people involved it would be easy to identify them but honestly what are the chances? I know a man in his 20s, a colleague, was due to go on holiday with his girlfriend but he’s now in work. Do I assume it’s OP’s son the cheater? Obviously not.

PS I don’t know what your crossed out text refers to.

I was surprised at the responses you got as well, OP. I thought you had integrity and are a good mother.

When you AS that poster Was she quite specific about a situation involving her DC disabilities that could easily identify them?

Good for you OP.

Like you, I was sadly disappointed by the number of people telling you not to mention it.

It’s the same when people post asking for advice when they know about affairs and are advised not to say anything. I think WTF?!
I despair.

Is there a reason he can only stay a week?

I doubt it would be too difficult for someone to identify, if they know the people concerned. I don’t think my children would find it easy to forgive me either for posting their business on a forum like this, regardless of whether they had behaved badly or not. I would suggest to the OP that she has this thread taken down.