Is this my insecurity or husbands emotional affair?

If you do stay together it won't always feel as raw, time is a great healer but you need to tell him how hurt you are.

I wouldn't be bothered at all, it's lifts for goodness sakes tickets you didn't want so who cares who uses them

My partner does both. If he sees something in someone (regardless of age, sex, looks, whatever) and they are looking for mentorship, and he believes he can be of benefit to them professionally, he will help them. He goes out of his way on a regular basis and is incredibly generous and kind.

someone like yourself, who is basing your view of it off a negative experience like with your dad (understandable), might think he must be after something but he is just naturally that way. His sister is too.

In the best cases, he has helped people, and made loyal friends who are now themselves taking on senior mentorship roles in their industry.

in the worst cases theyre just not nice people and he will professionally end the relationship.

But that’s what makes me preeetty certain OP’s husband just has the hots for this woman. I would never question my partner’s relationship with someone because I know he would mentor a woman/man/young/old etc. He would also have clear goals set out for their professional development. And doesn’t want to be in touch more than he needs to - he’s more of a therapist style relationship meaning there to listen and guide but not going to be divulging things about himself other than the basics or work related stories, and also not going to be wanting to rush to anyone’s rescue. If he happened to be out with a woman and they needed to get home or whatever, again, I know he would do this for anyone not just her so why would I question it?

And if I said I didn’t like how close he had become to someone, he would auto-correct his behaviour immediately. if he didn’t then I’d worry.

If a man is not this kind of man by nature and experience, but they randomly start using words like ‘mentor’ and playing the put-upon-hero but only about one woman who they blatantly would find attractive, then yes…I think all roads lead to ‘he wants to sleep with her.’

Yes it is hard but marriages do survive all sorts of crisis, no marriage is perfect, give it time.

Hmmmm , I thought as much .

The concerning part is he picks her up after her social events? Like after she has had a drink with friends? Seems like he doesn’t want her meeting another male her age.

He'd be gone for me, naughty

Unfortunately OP, if he’s anything like my ex his pursuits will only keep getting younger as he got older. There’s always be a newer model around the corner.

And even if that’s not the case, the moment you find it upsetting should be enough for him to put some brakes on it.

I’ve had lifts before from an older coworker and there was nothing inappropriate about it (in fact when I left that job my coworker wrote me a card saying he loved me like his own daughter and I still get teary about it!), but I also didn’t discuss personal matters, nights out, etc.
Conversely, I’ve had coworkers my age so close to an older coworker that to this day I’m not 100% convinced there wasn’t something else going on. At least emotionally.

It sounds like you're bigging him up to justify excepting second best - probably cos you have a son together. But you need to put your happieness first.

When a man we knew ( note knew , we stopped contact with him ) started up an infatuation / affair with a much younger woman he did all the things you said , joined a gym , new clothes and he also changed the music he listened to ( more modern ) and suddenly went overboard with his aftershave collection . Is that something your dh is doing as well ?

His lying is not acceptable behaviour, he may or may not be having a physical relationship with this woman but he is lying because he intends to have an affair given the opportunity and is trying to down play it.

He needs to be very careful, considering her other case.
If anything, he’s being incredibly stupid, in light of this…

I feel for you -been there. DH felt sorry for a youngish pretty lady at work (she had 2 kids, partner left her, many family issues). Gave her lifts, helped her move furniture, gave her a tv we didn’t need, bottles of wine we didn’t need, I saw some texts - nothing bad but little too affectionate for my liking. I confronted him and I blew up. He admitted he was silly (promised nothing else happened - going on the texts I believe him). He dropped a hint to guy at work who said he had also helped her, loaned her money etc. yet he realised he was being used, so she obv moved on to my DH ! Men are just stupid. But who knows where it would have gone if I didn’t speak up. People may say I am silly to forgive him - but my choice

Let’s hope your wrong but the gut feeling is bad enough to manage try to date more or spend more time away from phones hopefully he will come to his senses. Good luck op.

It's never 60 year old Winifred from Accounts either.

the worrying thing here is he was 40 when he met you at age 25. So for him meeting much younger women is normal

Hero complex, he is hoping she will fall in love with him.

He already has a younger wife (15 years younger), but that's not enough, the idiot thinks he can also bag a woman 26 years younger.

Ew.

This is really weird and creepy. At 23 (28 now) I would never have dreamed of asking a married man my dad’s age to give me lifts after a night out.

If one had offered I would have politely declined but would have felt weird about it.

I would definitely be suspicious especially as you’re significantly younger than him. He clearly has a thing for younger woman.

The old saying 'There's no fool, like an old fool' springs to mind! Yes, he could be an older man, who's sniffing around a young woman, and is manipulating her. However, not all younger women are innocent - some see an older man, who they can reel in using their looks to buy them gifts, have them on tap for lifts etc. His ego gets the better of him, and before you know it, he's infatuated. This is a scenario that could be either way. However, he's an idiot, who could very easily find himself on the receiving end of a sexual harassment claim or colleagues start noticing (if they haven't already). He's heading to career suicide, especially as he's more senior to her. You've pointed out the fact he's an idiot, he's agreed with you, so now you wait and see what he does now. He should cut contact with her, but if he's smitten, then my guess is he won't.

I'd be worried OP.
Lots of red flags

This