To think my friend needs to send her son to a SEN school?

OP I have a non verbal child.
You could give her all the homework you want but she couldn’t do it.

If you had a child in a special school (as I do) you would KNOW that there is mostly a play/therapy arrangement- not fucking phonics or homework. How would either make him “progress”?

What is it you think needs to be progressed?

Some children in special schools may “progress” but I don’t know what you think is going to happen.. it depends why the child is nonverbal in the first place!

I don’t know why my DD cannot speak- possibly it’s owing to cranial nerve damage.
Possibly autism. Kind of hard to know when she can’t do any standard tests for autism or for intellectual disability.

If you think you can teach or support your way out of non verbal communication you are a bit naive, to put it both bluntly and mildly.

My DD has a specialist SALT (council provided) and none of the measures she uses is going to make DD talk(coherently). Whatever caused her to be profoundly disabled at birth has presumably caused her to be unable to speak clearly or much.

If your friend’s son can use PECs or other adaptive technology he is slightly better than my DD and can begin communication.

But I don’t think mainstream school is a bad place for him if he isn’t intellectually or physically disabled. If he is autistic he can be doing just fine in mainstream school if he can use a system to communicate.

What exacts is it that you think he would gain at a special school that he wouldn’t at mainstream school?

If his speech could be helped with a SALT then he could have sessions privately and/or via an EHCP .. but you know sometimes people are nonverbal FOR LIFE.

Is this a family member’s child by any chance?

I think you’re right when you say it’s not your business

I agree with @Icecreamandcoffee; getting a place in a special school requires some serious work, and you have to go full-on warrior mother sometimes; it's not as easy as some think.

Formal education isn’t probably right for him at the moment, especially if he is non verbal. He’ll be accessing the eyfs curriculum with his 1:1 which will be play focused.

If this is her first experience of SEN & education, she may simply be trusting the school to do the right thing, not realising that sadly that's not the case & she & her DH need to be a lot more active in this.

As a close friend, I’d speak to her, she may appreciate / need your insight. I imagine you’d be able to tell soon enough into the discussion whether she was appreciative of the information or not.

It takes an iron will and hours and hours of advocating and navigating the system to get a place at an SEN school. It's pretty much a full time job to ensure an EHCP is enforced, jumping through the hoops and often going to court is required to get a place. It's cheaper for the LA to name a mainstream and will push for mainstream to the end no matter how unsuitable the placement is for the child.

Only the most severe children or with parents with the time, energy and education level to navigate the system get places. If mum is happy with his provision at mainstream then it is unlikely he will be offered a place at an SEN school. Unless he is severely dangerous to his peers or teaching staff or has very complex medical needs which require a lot of special management then the school is also unlikely to push for a place. Even if he falls incredibly far behind his peers unless mum really engages it's likely they will increase his 1:1 hours and keep in mainstream. It may mean that secondary options become limited but again most local authorities are mainstream at all costs.

She could be far more hands on with the school. She’s sitting back and presumably doesn’t want him moving schools. She could ask for more info and a homework strategy for her to engage with and I’m amazed she has not.

All Sen dc have reviews as 1:1 costs money and all dc have progress carefully monitored. She could ask for his progress data. She could be liaising with the Sen coordinator and his teacher. However, if she doesn’t want him assessed, she doesn’t but the school will push for this at some stage if strategies fail. Before long, he won’t access the curriculum and the school and his mum will have to give this more thought. As he’s getting 1:1, the school is probably giving a lot of input but it doesn’t sound like she is working with them, and is sitting back.

I would encourage her to get far more involved with his education and certainly be clear about his progress. She might be in denial about his needs but I think you could suggest far more involvement - maybe she just says to you he doesn’t get books and Phonics work because it’s not getting him anywhere? Maybe she does not want to be involved? Don’t fall out with her over it.

Does he have an EHCP? Without one, he isn't going to get a place anyway and even with one it can be incredibly difficult. Especially if the LA and school believe he is coping in mainstream.

If your friend is happy with his school, you do need to stay out of it.

There is a chronic shortage of SEN school places - I know of several children in our city who are non verbal and in mainstream schools with support, those parents have fought and are fighting for special school places but will only get one if the mainstream place totally breaks down and there are no other options.

I think as a close friend with a background in education it would be reasonable to ask what their thoughts are, to express that in general it can be easier to get special places younger (as more and more kids need them as they get older), but you should be prepared to hear that they don’t have any realistic chance of getting it and are just doing their best.

She's only going to be able to send him to a special school if it's named in his EHCP (if you are in England) you can't just choose to send your child to one. It may or may not be something they've considered at primary level or they might feel mainstream is ok for him now and then special school at secondary level. If school, parents and child are happy with him being in mainstream for now then it's their business. As you say it's none of your business and the parents can make their own decisions about their child. Should they want additional input they can talk to IPSEA or their local SENDIASS for more information and advice.