My birthday is coming up soon and I’m feeling a bit deflated about it, but I don’t know if I’m being unfair.
My boyfriend has said money is tight this month, which I understand. When he asked what I wanted for my birthday I said it was up to him, as I’m not expecting anything expensive. However, when I later asked if we were going out to celebrate, he seemed surprised and said money wasn’t good so we’d stay in and order a takeaway.
I felt disappointed as I’d really hoped to dress up and go out for dinner. I even offered to pay myself, but he refused, saying it wouldn’t make sense for me to pay on my own birthday.
What’s bothering me is that he knew my birthday was coming up, but he’s said he spent a lot recently on himself over the holidays — buying designer stuff like a 200 pound hat and going out most nights with his brother. It makes me feel like my birthday wasn’t planned or prioritised at all.
This stings a bit because I went all out and saved for his birthday and made a real effort to make it special. A month ago he was even suggesting places we could go for my birthday, so I’m confused by the sudden change.
I don’t need gifts or expensive plans — I can buy myself things — it’s more about the effort and feeling celebrated. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by this, or is this just one of those situations where expectations need adjusting?
I Dont want him to feel pressure around it but this is my first birthday with him and I fear is going to set the tone on how I am gone be prioritised and celebrated in the future.