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Original poster

TW - termination

185 replies

BeLovingReader · 05/01/2026 07:37

TW - termination of pregnancy

So I know this isn’t exactly AIBU as no pregnancy choice is unreasonable, but I don’t know where else to post (don’t want to post to pregnancy boards in case it’s insensitive).

I’ve discovered I’m 6 weeks pregnant. We have two sons age 9 and 7 and this was not planned nor wanted.

My husband is very pragmatic and logical and thinks we should terminate the pregnancy (although he recognises this is my choice and supports me) because of the impact it will have on our existing children. Mainly financial - whilst we have good wages, with the cost of living as it is, we are stretched to our limits. We can currently afford (just about) one abroad holiday away per year, and one weekend in the uk, but with another baby we likely wouldn’t be able to afford this. Our children are also older now and this would inevitably divide our attention away from them as we return to the baby/toddler years whilst my eldest enters his pre teen years.

My husband also has fears about whether his job may become redundant in the next few years due to AI (he works in programming) and redundancies are also being made at my place of work. We both acknowledge that we are lucky to have 2 healthy kids and worry this is another roll of the dice.

Basically overall husband thinks another child at this point would compromise our existing children’s lifestyle and to be honest he’s probably right.

With that being said, I LOVE being a mum more than anything and having babies has been my whole life purpose. I don’t know if going through with a termination will ruin me, I don’t know if I will handle the guilt and the constantly thinking of the ‘what would have been’. I also fear I would resent my husband as I may feel the choice was driven by him, and would that ruin our relationship? I also know that if we had the baby we likely would get by fine, and would undoubtedly love it.

Unfortunately we only have around 3 weeks to decide one way or another. I don’t know anyone in real life who’s been in this situation so hoping for some outside perspective although I do know that ultimately it’s my decision. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
LyricalBoudicca · 05/01/2026 08:22

If your two existing children find out that you terminated a sibling for their benefit think of the guilt they will suffer. Helicopter parenting is a modern menace as it is. Think of all the responsibilities they’ll learn from looking out for a younger one. They will probably grow up being responsible and empathetic. No education can buy such a fantastic opportunity.

Snowingtoday · 05/01/2026 08:19

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Original poster
BeLovingReader · 05/01/2026 08:12

hopeful2026 · 05/01/2026 08:09

I went through with a termination due to my dh not wanting another child and it’s a huge regret. It was something I’d always said I wouldn’t do personally and I do think about that baby often. They would turn 3 this month if I hadn’t terminated.
Only you can decide what is right for your body. Take your time making your decision and make sure it’s what you are happy with.

Thanks this is what I am worried about. I’m sorry you have been through that.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeLovingReader · 05/01/2026 08:12

Snowingtoday · 05/01/2026 07:57

Personally I find the thought of having a termination because having another child would affect the number of holidays the family can afford repugnant.

if you have a termination because of your H's priorities your marriage will be permanently affected. Unless you yourself really want the termination I think you would be very unwise to go ahead with it.

Edited

Whilst I appreciate you taking the time to reply, I think your wording is unkind.

I used holidays as one standalone example of things my existing kids would miss out on (and it’s valid, they’ve always wanted to go to Disneyland and we’d saved to go this year but that would have to be put on pause). But the financial implications aren’t limited to holidays alone, it’s everything else they wouldn’t be able to have - plus having parents who are constantly stressed about money.

I agree though that I need to be confident in my choice. That’s why I’ve posted here to try and get some comments from people with lived experience.

OP posts:
hopeful2026 · 05/01/2026 08:09

I went through with a termination due to my dh not wanting another child and it’s a huge regret. It was something I’d always said I wouldn’t do personally and I do think about that baby often. They would turn 3 this month if I hadn’t terminated.
Only you can decide what is right for your body. Take your time making your decision and make sure it’s what you are happy with.

Original poster
BeLovingReader · 05/01/2026 08:08

Catza · 05/01/2026 07:55

I think it would be impossible to predict how you would handle that. Most people I know who found themselves in this situation have no regrets terminating. I, myself, was just thinking about this yesterday and five years on I am confident in my decision.
You do have quite a bit longer than three weeks to decide if you needed more time. But when you go for the termination, the providers have to make sure you are absolutely confident that this is what you want. And if there is any doubt, they simply won't do it and will be obliged to give you more time to think.
I would probably be inclined to seek some counselling to help you think this through. You speak as though not having a baby will somehow affect your life's purpose. But you are and always will be a mum to your existing children.

Thank you, it’s helpful to hear you know people who have been in this situation who don’t feel regret. I think you’re right about seeking some counselling I just worry about how long that may take.

You are right about my existing children and ultimately all I want to do is make the choice that’s best by them. They are here already and have to be my priority.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeLovingReader · 05/01/2026 08:06

Passaggressfedup · 05/01/2026 07:53

also fear I would resent my husband as I may feel the choice was driven by him, and would that ruin our relationship? I also know that if we had the baby we likely would get by fine, and would undoubtedly love it
You say higher up that the baby wasn't planned nor wanted. Why would you resent him if that is the case? It wouldn't be fair on him. The decision to keep the baby would be driven by you. Having a termination would put you back where you were.

I don’t know if that’s how I would feel, but I do know that if when I told him about this pregnancy, despite it not being planned, he reacted as though it was a joyful surprise, I would probably be inclined to keep it. Therefore if we end it, I fear that I will feel that decision was driven by him and his feelings as I myself feel totally 50/50 on what to do. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
Snowingtoday · 05/01/2026 07:57

Personally I find the thought of having a termination because having another child would affect the number of holidays the family can afford repugnant.

if you have a termination because of your H's priorities your marriage will be permanently affected. Unless you yourself really want the termination I think you would be very unwise to go ahead with it.

Catza · 05/01/2026 07:55

I think it would be impossible to predict how you would handle that. Most people I know who found themselves in this situation have no regrets terminating. I, myself, was just thinking about this yesterday and five years on I am confident in my decision.
You do have quite a bit longer than three weeks to decide if you needed more time. But when you go for the termination, the providers have to make sure you are absolutely confident that this is what you want. And if there is any doubt, they simply won't do it and will be obliged to give you more time to think.
I would probably be inclined to seek some counselling to help you think this through. You speak as though not having a baby will somehow affect your life's purpose. But you are and always will be a mum to your existing children.

Passaggressfedup · 05/01/2026 07:53

also fear I would resent my husband as I may feel the choice was driven by him, and would that ruin our relationship? I also know that if we had the baby we likely would get by fine, and would undoubtedly love it
You say higher up that the baby wasn't planned nor wanted. Why would you resent him if that is the case? It wouldn't be fair on him. The decision to keep the baby would be driven by you. Having a termination would put you back where you were.

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