TW - termination

Idont regret the two abortions I had at all. One child was all I could afford and if Id had them I would have had to give up my job and go into council housing. Money would have been a nightmare.
As it was I bought my own home and had a career. I still don't regret it at 64. Having more children would have finished my family.

You can define it by stability if you like. By having parents that aren’t stressed and anxious about finances, that don’t have their attention diverted by a baby when they’re entering into the pre teen years.

I fear OP won't come back to this thread - her head must be scrambled with the 'advice' and judgement.
OP if you read this - do what is best for YOU 💐

I'm not twisting anything.

I found the point about the holiday truly upsetting. I think people in general, and children in particular, are more important than life style decisions and money.

I think the truly concerning thing is that her H might be saying ultimately it's OP's decision but he is obviously exerting pressure on her to have the termination because of material considerations.

Depends how you define quality of life.

Hi OP. I completely understand your feelings and how you've expressed them. From reading your post, you sound like you would miss the life you envisaged for you existing children if you continued with the pregnancy but also you have this feeling that you will regret the termination. Only you can know the right decision for your family and yourself but I just wanted to say I understand. I'm also experiencing an unwanted pregnancy but struggling with the idea of a termination but I know I would adore another potential baby beyond belief. It's a balancing act for sure. I feel some resentment towards my husband right now (even though he's supportive of any choice I make) because he's not the one who has to make the choice or live with the consequences and trauma of an abortion. My 3rd pregnancy was twins and they have absolutely made our lives so much better in all ways possible. But the thought of adding more is overwhelming.
Here to chat x

OP, around 16% of terminations in the UK are to married women. It is completely legitimate to decide not to continue with a pregnancy due to the impact on other children and concerns around job security and cost of living are something you should think about. Age also makes a difference with how high risk the pregnancy is to you and risk of a long term impact to your body, as well as the chances of the baby having chromosomal abnormalities. Only you can decide how you feel about keeping or ending the pregnancy but remember at the moment, it's not a baby. It's an embryo which if it keeps growing will eventually become a baby. I think the discussions to seek out some counselling to talk through your feelings are really a good idea.

My DSis was in the same position as you. Her third child is 17 now and she has no regrets despite the difficulties to start off with.

You really are an unpleasant person. The OP is having a difficult time, told you she found your first post rude and unhelpful so what do you do? Double down on your post and twist the knife.
Any reason a woman chooses to have an abortion is a valid one provided it is her choice. And providing a good standard of living for 2 existing children compared to the financial instability having a third would bring is not "abhorrent and upsetting".

Or they won’t, and will associate a sibling with a worsened quality of life. Yet they often are. Financial difficulty is a huge stressor for families, and the impact of it goes beyond the material.

Think about how much your children would benefit from another sibling!
I have lots of siblings and we never did big holidays or had expensive clothes/toys but I wouldn't have changed a thing!
I remember my youngest sibling growing up and how much it taught me and the sheer joy of being around a small child whilst being at the other end of childhood!
Money worries can be significant but don't let that cloud your judgement as it's so transient and could change at any point for the better too.
As much as you want to prioritise your two children that are 'already here' the sibling is here too, although very tiny.

There is nothing wrong with prioritizing the children and family unit you have now over a pregnancy that is neither planned nor wanted. The financial impact does matter, and a sibling isn’t inherently something that will be looked at positively. The potential for regret comes with every decision you make in life - including the decision to have children. That doesn’t mean you have to allow it to paralyze you.

It’s completely legitimate to terminate because you wouldn’t have the resources to give three children a decent life. It’s not just about material possessions or holidays, it’s about the impact of being poor (stress, worry, lack of space, constant working) on the whole family.

However, it’s an emotional decision as well as a rational one and it’s ok to have the baby even if that wouldn’t be the most sensible decision on paper.

Neither is the right or wrong answer, they are just two different options. Take your time - abortion providers offer counselling so do get in touch with them. It doesn’t mean you have to go through with termination.

Best life and opportunities aren't always material. The joy and experience they would gain from having a much younger sibling the understanding of caring for someone who is small and vulnerable.
It wasn't easy trying to juggle the needs of a toddler with the activities of pre teens (year seven and five so different schools) and holidays were often camping but they thoroughly enjoyed the freedom of not being stuck in airports

Are you always so judgmental? It’s clear to most people what the OP meant when she used a holiday as an example but for some reason you’ve twisted it to make her look shallow and materialistic.

Op was using holidays as one example. It’s not just holidays, it’s everything. Part of being parents is wanting to give the best life and opportunities that you can for your DCs, and giving them those opportunities to develop and have a good start in life. For us, holidays, extracurricular activities, family days out, good high quality food are all important to our DCs childhood and quality of life, as are us saving for their futures, being able to pay towards university or other courses, tutors if they need it. That would be compromised if we were to have a 3rd child and I’m not willing for that to happen through our own making, and so in OPs position I would have thy e termination.

Obviously, OP, it's your choice. However, it worries me that you say that "having babies is your whole life's purpose". If you have this new baby, then what happens the next time? It sounds like you need to make some plans to broaden your life experience so that you aren't left high and dry when your children get older and need you less/leave home.

Cannot speak for myself, but a friend of mine was in a very similar position, she said she had just got her life and finances to a balance, with 'enough' money to have a good life. We had long long discussions about the pros and cons of having her third, she went ahead with the pregnancy and now has a very happy and healthy 2 year old, and often says to me that she is thankful that we had those chats - I never told her to terminate or otherwise, just was a safe place to process this - she does say that going through with the termination would have been something she could not live with - but she is saying that with a 2 year old that she now has.
I get the feeling from your post, that you want this pregnancy deep down but are understandably scared of the future.
I hope you come to a decision which is right for you and your family.

On what basis do you claim this is nonsense? Ask many an older sibling if they wished their younger sibling was terminated in all seriousness and most will agree they value the little baby of the family.

Ignoring the parts about future job insecurity, cost of living in general and time with existing children being compromised to take a pot shot?

That's repugnant.

I am currently pregnant with an unplanned child. Our eldest is is 17 months. My partner didn't initially have the best reaction. We did initially want a second but decided it was better not to owing to our age. We are now moving to a bigger property and it's all very expensive and exciting. I thought about abortion but we never discussed it. Your answer is the right one. There is no way I'd trade a child for a trip to Disney though.

I have previously had a termination, in my late teens. It was absolutely the right decision and logically I have no regrets but i still feel huge shame and guilt about it. I always told myself I wouldn’t have another, particularly as any future pregnancies would be my children’s siblings (I don’t know why that makes me feel differently but it does). But now I already have 3 I don’t think I have it in me to have another so it’s something I’d definitely consider. You need to be as certain of your decision as possible, best of luck x

Sorry but this is complete nonsense.you have no idea how older siblings would react to a new sibling.

Op I sympathise. Remember this is not just a new baby but a new toddler, a new child a new teenager a new adult and all of the responsibilities that come with that. I'm not trying to put you off but just try and think long term. How would this affect your work etc.
Obviously it's down to you at the end of the day but would you be prepared to do it alone?
I don't personally think it's fair to bring a child into the world when both parents aren't on board. But I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your family.

There are no right or wrong answers here. A baby needs to be a choice made with your head as well as your heart.

finances are a big part of raising children and the poster calling you repugnant is out of order. If you can’t afford holidays with three can you afford the school trips and extracurriculars?