TW - termination

NC for this. You have to take your husband's feelings into account as well as your own OP. If he insisted on you going ahead with the pregnancy against your wishes, how would you feel? There is nothing you need to feel guilty about if you decide to terminate the pregnancy.
I was in the same position as you and I had an abortion, it is sad at the time yes but that's all, no torment, why would there be. Sad, because in an ideal world the more kids the better, but you have to put your existing kids first. I've never felt guilty, no way could we have thrived as a family any other way. Guilt is just not the reality for mature women who already have older kids when they terminate an unexpected pregnancy, because we know know how much they take out of you physically and mentally, and how hard it would be without the wholehearted support of a partner. Plus the very real financial hardship we risk, as women left holding the baby if the man leaves. We make the decision for the good of everyone.
You and your kids will have a much more comfortable life without an unwanted (by your DH) additional child. You will risk your marriage too. There is nothing wrong with wanting your kids to have holidays for goodness sake.
All the "babies are a blessing" folk won't be struggling for money, run ragged, with a husband who will forever resent you, either. If you'd really wanted another child you would have planned it I think.

It’s hardly ‘extremely materialistic’ to value the experiences and opportunities that having money affords. I absolutely value the things that my parents having money provided to me, and those things have served me not just in childhood but into my adulthood also. I would not have traded that for an extra sibling.

I'm not disputing OP may have valid concerns.
I commented on the foreign holidays issue because I personally found that inexplicable and upsetting and certainly gives the impression of an extremely materialistic view of life . Especially as it was the first point OP talked about and therefore must be important in their lives.

That's unnecessary. OP wasn't asking for personal moral stances on abortion.

Personally, I think that considering existing family member needs and comfort should always be part of the process of considering a termination. How fair is it on existing children to limit their experiences if having another, unplanned, baby puts the family into a financial zone where things are very tight?

This is a 6 week pregnancy (which actually means the embryo has gestated for 4 weeks. It isn't remotely sentient, it's incapable of mature processes like pain, it barely has a heartbeat. Those are all scientific facts.). It would be relatively simple to terminate at this stage, and not just because it's a very simple procedure however it's done - at 6 weeks most women would be less committed to the idea than at, say, 12 weeks.

Only the OP knows if her feelings about having another baby would damage her relationship/life. Nobody else can possibly have anything useful to say to the OP's specific situation, only generalities.

OP, it's a very hard choice for you, I do see that. All the very best luck in whatever you decide to do.

you will not make the wrong decision, whatever you choose will be the right one.
we are here whichever way you choose. Hugs

I've just gone through this myself at 5 weeks

we already have 3 children

we don't have the money for a big enough car , enough bedrooms for 4 children . We just don't have enough finances full stop for 4 children . People will say ' oh you will manage ' but I really don't think we could .

I also did not want to carry on a pregnancy at 41, I've been through several miscarriages and I just didn't feel I had it in me to carry on .

I was also concerned about abnormalities with the baby as my partner is nearly 47.

I also felt fairly confident the pregnancy wouldn't be successful anyway . I know my body and my symptoms were barely there which is how it was with all my miscarriages

we spent a week of soul searching , writing list of pros and cons . there was a lot of tears.

I do feel a whole host of emotions and I do feel resentment to my husband Which I know isn't rational but he isn't left with the mental aftermath like I am . Deep down I feel
it was the right decision but I still very sad about it all and I wish it hadn't of happened .

Her concern about her kids living with parents who are constantly worried about money with both at potential risk of redundancy is not 'materialistic.'

Your 2 children need to be your priority here and yes examples like holidays and experiences you give them are very important. My best memories are all the holidays I had with my sibling that our parents took us on. If we'd had another subiling those lovely memories wouldn't have happened as my parents wouldn't have been able to afford them.

My sil had a situation like yours, 2 girls who were similar ages just a bit older and as far as her husband was concerned they were done with the children they had. She 'accidentally' got pregnant again and he wasn't keen, wanted her to have a termination but she decided she wanted the baby so he supported her. Its been very up and down since new child arrived 2 years ago- older children aren't overly interested in younger sibling as they are a bit of a hindrance due to the age gap and the marriage is in a shaky peg as he's absolutely resentful at times of the stress this added child has brought to them financially. Their situation is slightly different in that they were having problems before new baby and he and the family firmly believe there was nothing accidental about the pregnancy on her part. He was thinking of ending the marriage but was finding that difficult with the 2 kids, now he really feels stuck and doesn't want to uproot the lives of 3 kids

You have had some good advice on this thread - plus some biased opinions. However it's up to you how you proceed.

IF this was me, given what you have said about job insecurities and financial situations, then I would consider the termination. You have two DC who are heading into more independent years. Which is great.

Take a little time and think carefully about what you, DH and your DC want in the future years.

Good luck

Whatever you decide I hope your husband is booking his vasectomy asap. It seems this could have been avoided if he’d taken more responsibility.

It’s a woman’s right to choose. Full stop. Not a woman’s right to choose as long as you agree with the reasons she’s making the choice. Some of the opinions on this thread are awful and I’m sure unhelpful to someone making a very serious and life changing decision.

I don't know what is short sighted about my view. I have repeatedly said it is OP's choice. And as you say she can decide to terminate her pregnancy for whatever reason she wants.

But that doesn't alter my view that I find having foreign holidays being more important than the potential life of a child repugnant. But if that is OP's view - and not just her H's - then she has every right to have that as one of her reasons for termination.

My older sister only likes me now, I'm 28 . My entire childhood she joked about wanting a cat but having to have a baby sister instead and that she'd sacrifice me for her cat.

And that’s fine. Not wanting to disrupt the financial stability they have now, and what they can provide for their existing children with that, holidays included, is hardly a bad reason to not go ahead with having a third.

Do you think you helped do you? Do you think what you said is what this woman, coming on here for help wanted to hear?

FWIW I’ve have a termination, and I’ve never experienced regret. It doesn’t have to be a monumental or traumatic experience.

Exactly. A woman's right to choose. Her body her choice.

But OP started this thread because she feels it is a life style v emotions issue that she is facing. And therefore I have the right to express my opinion on one of her dilemmas which I find inexplicable : that having foreign holidays is more important than a potential life.

And of course holidays is a valid reason. Plenty of people that choose not to have kids do so because they enjoy foreign travel! It's not really fair to say they're all 'choosing holidays over a potential life', they're being realistic about the impact of a baby on the things they enjoy most.

A woman can get a termination for any reason.

I wouldnt hesitate. Because I dont want another baby. You don't need a reason at all. The op is trying to find the pros and cons. Holidays is just 1 aspect.

Your comment and short sighted view is what is repugnant.

From reading your post, it sounds to me like deep down you want to keep the baby, and would if it weren’t for practical considerations with your existing children. Holidays are great and I don’t mean to diminish your reasons, but on the flip side gaining a sibling is also a life experience for your existing children. I know not everyone gets on with their siblings, but I think on balance most people’s lives are richer for having an extra close family member in it. I’m feeling the impact now as an adult of having a small nuclear family especially in times of family issues as parents are aging but also in celebrating happy times. I have one sibling who lives on a different continent. I’d trade a lot of past holidays for having one more!

I think your husband is right. Practical and financial implications can't just be ignored. Unfortunately no one else can predict how guilty you'll feel in the future. But I think you'll feel guilty about the impact on your two older kids if you have the baby anyway. In your shoes I would terminate. I'd probably not feel great about it at the time but I'd know that it was for the best and as you enter the stage of tweens with more independence I think I'd be confident I made the right decision. But that's me, I make decisions with the less emotional side of my brain and not everyone is like that.

I wasn't rude to OP.

I expressed my view point that having foreign holidays being more important than the potential life if a child is abhorrent to me.

OP knows her own values. She has to make her decision based on those. On her own priorities.

I totally agree with you: it should be her decision, not her H's.

Then you’re free to make that decision for yourself, should you find yourself in OP’s position. Presumably you were marching for women to have a choice to make the decision for themselves, not to make the choice you would make or think best.

Honestly, I think getting advice on here is the worst thing you can do. Posters will (unintentionally) sway you. This is such a huge, deeply personal thing that no one can advise on. You will likely get 50/50 answers, but no one is living your life, with your personality, your experiences, your finances, your children’s personalities etc. Absolutely no one can advise. Some will say it worked for them, some will say it didn’t, some live with regret, some don’t. You can only get your head around it by yourself really. Take your time day to day .. that may make a decision for you.