TW - termination

Because deep down she clearly wants this baby. It’s an unexpected surprise, but it’s here, it’s real and it’s growing inside her. I know exactly how she feels. In her shoes I can say that, without doubt, this feelings would outweigh the practical and findnfisl considerations her husband raises.

A termination doesn’t have to be a life-changing event if the decision is made in the confidence that you’re doing the right thing for you.

I have never thought about the termination I had when I was 19 or 20. It was absolutely the right decision for me (and my now DH) at that time. I saw it as a minor medical procedure, nothing more, nothing less.

To say life will never be the same again is a little dramatic.

Will the lovely life Franpie refers to now be so lovely if one does choose a termination? Things will never be the same either way.

This is excellent advice, OP.

You have 2 very good options - have termination and keep the lovely life you have now, or have a new baby that you will love. Either option is a good option.

Or the chaos, poverty and misery the new baby will bring. There’s 2 sides to every story. Don’t let your rose tinted glasses cloud OP’s judgement of her OWN PERSONAL circumstances, views and feelings. Ffs

Ridiculous. Material stuff very much does matter and that’s why growing up in poverty is seen as an adverse childhood experience. At that age I would definitely not have wanted my mum to have another baby - quite the opposite. What if the baby is born disabled or with severe SEN and the existing children’s lives are adversely affected by this? What if the DH ends up resenting the situation and leaves the OP as a single mum and shattering the family unit? There’s so many utterly stupid pro lifers on here.

I agree she needs to do what is best for her. Which could be either way. Best for her doesn’t always mean termination so I think people need to stop peddling termination just as much as much as the posters who are telling her to keep the baby need to stop peddling that.

Keep your beautiful baby. It sounds like you're born to be a mum and you know what's right and wrong. Your older ones will learn so much from being older siblings.

Material stuff doesn't matter, you'll adjust and manage. What does matter is family and the love and happiness your new baby will bring.

Best to weigh up all the pros and cons for you and your family OP. Everyone's will be slightly different. Emotions also play a large part too, so two people in an identical situation may have differing choices.

You are very early pregnancy days too, this is a potential everything at the moment, so give yourself some grace and breathing room. Obviously sooner done the better for you if you decide on abortion, just be a bit kind to yourself while you are deciding. Maybe take some time for yourself to weigh up and then talk to your husband and weigh up together.

People arguing that the older children will definitely want/benefit from having a baby sibling are wrong. Some children will. Some children won’t. They’re coming up to the age of SATS and the difficult transition to secondary school and suddenly their mum’s attention is all taken up by a new baby. They can’t leave their lego or other toys because it’s a choking hazard. They can’t go on the same outings or holidays because there isn’t the right facilities for a baby. They are sidelined whilst everyone fusses over the baby. They are trying to do their homework but the baby is crying. They’ve had a difficult day at school and want to talk but can’t because the toddler is having a tantrum etc.

A baby sibling is hugely disruptive and not all siblings will be close as adults. I would not have resented my mother for having a termination but I do resent her for leaving me to fend for myself emotionally all through my teenage years because she was busy with the little ones.

It is not selfish to consider the negative impact on your existing children as OP is - it is selfish to pretend it’ll all be roses and sunshine for them just because you want to keep the pregnancy.

Termination seems the right choice in your situation.

Just re-read the op, and really the reasons aren’t “bad” at all. Not wanting to reduce standard of living, job issues, wanting to focus on existing children… these are valid reasons.

The key issue is that if a pregnancy is ‘unwanted and unplanned’, and one party firmly doesn’t want it (as per op) then you both need to take greater precautions moving forward, ideally a vastectomy (+ female contraception).

But regardless, up to you op (if you’re still here). This is a conversation that really needs to be had with your husband because he’s taking on 50%, not any of us here.

Difficult situation OP, I have the utmost sympathy. I think your DH is definitely being very balanced and measured and you acknowledge a new child would take away from what you can offer your existing children.

I know it may seem superficial to some to terminate so you can afford things like holidays but those experiences really do matter and you only get one shot with your kids when they’re young. Once they’ve grown you have more surplus cash but they most often go their own way and don’t want to accompany you on trips.

Basically, what I’m saying is, in your shoes I would terminate but I fully acknowledge how difficult this is. Either way, your DH should be responsible and have a vasectomy. Good luck.

I think you know what you want to do, you just want people to justify your decision. Some people will say, as is their right, that morally you shouldn't do this. Other people will disagree. I'm not saying what I think. It is all noise, really. It's your choice - you're the one living with either decision.

wtf. You’re surely trolling here? Who gives a shit whether they want a brother, a puppy or a unicorn? Who are you to say the benefits will be tremendous exactly? It could be very much the opposite.

Any reason is good enough. Having no reason apart from not wanting a baby right then at that time is good enough.

No one gets to say what is or isnt a good enough reason.

Why does your moral position on abortion need to matter to anyone that isn’t you?

BPAS are correct. There is no specific prohibition of abortion for reasons of sex selection under UK law.

This must be satire.

How old were the siblings when the new baby was born, just out of interest?

https://www.thetimes.com/article/19f4b7fb-96f2-4dd3-a151-6c928e2fc96d?shareToken=e71be8ddc03801b671c87e4962f26f55

The point i am making is that the "any reason is a good enough reason" is immoral nonsense. That is relevant to the OP. Not all reasons are good enough -- and she shouldn't be listening to anyone who says they are.

I had a termination and I just knew that it was the right thing for me and my family. I think if you give yourself some time, space and grace and you will know what the right thing for you is. Trust your gut and you won't regret it but it's important to shut out all of the outside noise. Nobody but you knows what the right thing for you is. Take care and be kind to yourself.

They may not. They may also not want to lose the things their parents are currently in the position to provide to them. They may not want to lose the attention and support their parents are currently able to give them, as they enter puberty and important years for their education. They may not want to have parents placed under such financial pressure that it breaks the marriage entirely (which is not at all uncommon), or stressed parents that have little time or emotional energy for them.

Absolutely, he's needed a lot of support to deal with it over the years. It is a really extreme example, but I just wanted to counter the 'siblings will adore the baby' posts. Hopefully they would, but it is not by any means given. I know other families who it has worked out beautifully.

You are clearly not pro choice. And you are hijacking the OP's thread about a very personal issue to push your anti-choice political agenda.

Please provide evidence for your claims of sex selective abortions being on the rise in the UK. Or better yet, go start your own thread if you want a general debate about abortion. Do not do it on this woman's thread.