16yr old moving out - what do I need to do?

Nobody will rent to her so she will have to go to The Council and say she is homeless. They will want you to confirm you have made her homeless so don't.
However I feel that the fact she is threatening this and you are even entertaining it may not be unrelated

Blimey, I can’t believe you are considering to pay. She needs to learn about consequences so let her move out with no money and she’ll be back in a flash. She can work hard in school and go to uni in 2 years time, how about that. You need to try to find out why she is so unhappy , not pay for her to move out?

Also social services will do everything in its power to stop young people moving out because they know how dangerous/unsuitable young people housing can be. Please give your head a wobble and please please please do not rent somewhere for your child - yes legally she is a child. As soon as someone unscrupulous finds out she is a long child in a flat on her own she will be pounced on.

Social worker here - Young person supported accommodation is few and far between and in a worse state than the rest of the housing market! It is often full of people leaving care placements or young people who are experiencing significant distress like abuse, exploitation or family breakdown. Drug use and exploitation is prevalent and so are mental health difficulties and teen drama but with zero parental oversight of said drama so they escalate and spiral meaning placement breakdown for one of the young people. Support staff try their best though!

If a child presents as “homeless” to the local authority then you can guarentee a phone call from a social worker to say she best stay with you until she can afford to move out - unless there are safeguarding concerns which is why she wants to move out but you haven’t shared with mumsnet.

Why is DD so keen to leave ?

Is she part of a drugs/party scene gang & thinks her older drug "friends" will pay for all her expenses ?

Life is hard when you are older & paying for accommodation, bills, food, transport & this is without any luxuries. How would a 16 year old do all this ?

Is she still at school ?
if so I would suggest contacting the school safeguarding team who can offer advice & help asap

Just to note, this popped up on my Facebook, if she could see it and guess it’s you I’d remove it! You don’t want her knowing you’ll fund her crazy ideas!

You need to tell her that she’s welcome to move out - once she’s earning enough to support herself - not just rent, but all the bills too.

She sounds even less mature/sensible than her age would suggest. I’d also point out that she would hardly be a priority for any council housing department!

Alternatively (might be easier ) ...Chat gpt said :
At 16 she can legally leave home, but that does not mean she can simply rent a flat or be treated as an adult.
The practical reality in England/Wales is:
• She cannot sign a tenancy in her own right under 18. Most private landlords will not rent to a 16-year-old at all, even with parental backing.
• If she leaves and has nowhere safe to stay, the council has a statutory duty under the Children Act. She would be assessed by Children’s Services, not Housing.
• The council’s first step is always to try to return her home if it’s deemed safe (which from what you’ve said, it would be).
• If reconciliation is not possible, Children’s Services may place her in supported accommodation / foster-type provision, or very occasionally a supervised hostel — not independent living.
• She would not automatically get a council flat, UC, or benefits. Any financial support would be managed via Children’s Services, and often comes with conditions (education attendance, curfews, support workers etc).
If she “walks out” and presents as homeless: • Police may return her home if she’s deemed at risk
• Children’s Services will be notified
• Parents are usually contacted immediately
• It becomes a safeguarding matter, not a housing one
Even if parents are willing to pay rent, there still has to be a legal adult tenant or guarantor, and most landlords still won’t accept it because of safeguarding and insurance issues.
In short:
A 16-year-old cannot just move out and rent, and the system is deliberately designed to make that very difficult unless there is genuine harm at home.
From experience, once teens understand that the reality is social workers, assessments, rules, and loss of independence, most realise it’s not the freedom they imagine.
You’re sensible to think ahead — but practically, this would almost certainly circle back to home unless there were safeguarding concerns.

Its not just rent though is it? All the other bills and shopping youll have to pay for. Surely if she isn't aware of how to budget/have her own income she is no way mature enough to rent and look after herself. Nowere will rent privately to a 16 year old even at 18 they would want a guarantor. I highly doubt any local authority has council housing for a 16 year old who isnt genuinely homeless. In my city they would be given a hostel place possibly a hotel room at the very most. I work with teens id sit her down and get her to write down what her plan is, how will she fund independent living, get her to see all the things she needs in place before she could ever achieve this eg job, deposit, furniture etc. Get her to look at properties and the requirements to apply for them. Encourage her to become mature and self sufficient ready for when shes 18 and all this could be more achievable. Yes she'll likely carry on been a selfish doosh but shes safe at home and once 18 if shes dead cert on it you can release her into the wild and be ready to embrace her back in about a week! Good luck teens will have our lifes thats what vino was invented for. 😀

I’m not sure if there is much difference between 15 and 16 in the eyes of the law. Pull her bluff and ask her why she is waiting?

Try not to get sucked into explaining reality to an angry teen. Fake calm, say you would be devastated if she left as you love her and would miss her but if she wants to go you will help her research her options.

She won't listen to you explaining realittvunless she asks for help so just keep telling her you will help her find out options if she needs to do this because you love her now and you will in the future.

As much as possible be on their side - whilst still insisting on minimum standards of respect in the house.

You could also ask what might be possible to change to make life at home easier. Look at a list and work on one for you in return. If she doesn't want to wash up how else can she help. Do you go into her room (looking for laundry) without asking. I am constantly astonished by how many parents dont respect boundaries of their teens. Could you be caring for her as a 14 yo rather than a nearly 16yo?

Dont be the poster mum for how crappy the world is. If it is a boyfriend then make sure she can always run back home without any humiliation if it goes wrong.

I used to work with social workers and I am still friends with most of them years later. Do you want me to ask them ? It's not like they would be giving out any confidential information about a case as it is just general advice....?

No way would we enable this. What has been going on to make her want to presumably leave education and set off on this path away from her family? Work on that, help her get a part time job for more freedom money and life experience. As above, make sure she feels loved no matter how horrible she has been. Help her with school so she had maximum qualifications for a good career and income going forward.

Exactly this! She just wants a rise from you, just ignore her.

Just be mindful that she might think about getting pregnant to get given a council house

"Ok dd, it's not what we want, but you've been quite clear. We'll leave you to work out how to make it happen, including how much you'll need to earn to pay rent and bills."

Then say nothing more about it. At all, even when she tries to provoke a response. When she realises you're not going to engage with her dramatics, she'll likely lose interest.

If she works it all out by herself (unlikely) offer to go through her plan with her.

@Sahm87hope you’re very proud of yourself 💖

I’d just nod along. Let her walk out when she’s 16, she’ll soon be back when reality hits.

Let her. Don't enable her stupidity by paying for it. She already sounds spoilt. You do need to get to the bottom of why she hates you so much. You all need to sit down, talk, and change how you all treat one another.

What rules do you have?
Diets?
Friends?
Time Restrictions etc

You can also refer yourself to the school and welfare services for help. Otherwise, let her learn from her own mistakes. Shrug if she complains once moved out. If she survives and thrives? Praise her. Just don't be naive enough to enable her via rent payments...you're literally paying for her recklessness. You will set her up for failure, by paying.

So you are basically saying you will enable her stupid behaviour by paying rent somewhere 🤣🤣.

let her move out, sounds like she needs a life lesson, do not pay for anything though, she will soon be back, stop pandering to her though and tell her she’s a melt

To be honest girls do say this kind of thing. They all think life is easy and want what others appear to have.
No landlord will take your daughter at 16 even if you pay the rent. You would also be putting your daughter at risk. So it’s your responsibility as a parent to not enable or facilitate your ‘child’ moving out.

if she ups and leaves her only choice is staying with other people for free (not sure why you think she’d get a hostel when she’s not homeless ??) she wouldn’t get benefits at 16 so would need a job. My DC just moved back home after uni as it was so expensive paying bills and rent and she has a decent graduate job!

Just humour your daughter for now as you are well aware even if she wants to leave she can’t do it as she can’t afford it and she’s far too young. I’d encourage her off to uni instead.

YMCA have contracts with the council and children's services. They only let their rooms out via those contracts and only to young people in priority need. You can't just rock up and request a room.

I left home at 16. Slightly different though as my parents had split and neither gave a thought to where I would go, and we didn’t get along so I wouldn’t have wanted to be with either of them.
my mum went to stay with a friend so no room for me and my dad got a one bed place with no room for me.
I went to the council and they did phone my nana but she was too crowded to have me.
I was staying in squats a fair bit as had older friends and then the council put me in a (basically set up like a bed and breakfast) home type place for under 18’s. Boys were one side and girls the other with staff to keep things smooth.
I got my breakfast free each morning as they have a shared kitchen area in the middle but I was always too afraid to go in so never had it.
people did drugs there a lot, and I to be honest just kept myself to myself.
a social worker visited me once and then I never saw them again.
i was there for about 6 weeks and then I got my council flat (wasn’t allowed to refuse I just had to accept whatever it was).
it was a ground floor flat in a very rough area with metal shutters in the doors and windows - I later found out it had previously been a drug dealers as people would buzz at all times of the night asking for him.
I got by but never paid my bills properly (because well in hindsight I was 16) and ended up with CCJ’s at one point.
I ended up moving at 18 to a shared house private renting with friends which was better, and then at 19 I moved in with my mum and we sorted our relationship a bit.
By 20 I moved out to be with my now ex husband. And by the time I was 30 I’d built a business, divorced my ex husband and owned multiple properties on my own.
I do regret how I treated my parents when younger I was a handful. This regret only really hit me when I had a child of my own though.
I think my mum and dad did the right thing in leaving me to it (they did still keep in touch with me). If they’d begged me back or tried to control my life back then I don’t think it would have helped in any way.
anyway take from this what you will but your daughter does need to know the hostels aren’t nice places and the place she is housed likely won’t be either.
I was pretty street smart and independent from a young age and this helped plus I always worked so had some money.
I think looking back I was such a wild child because I felt no one understood me very well (later diagnosed with ADHD).
I’m nearly 40 now and I’ve lived a colourful life but the last ten years I have loved the quiet and calm, I’m pretty boring now haha. I live round the corner from my mum now and we have a good relationship, I still work hard, and things turned out ok in the end.

In what way would she be able to get her shit together?

She can't rent without a guarantor.

The council will not house someone who is making themselves voluntarily homeless.

Her options would be to get herself put in care, move in with friends, or go and live on the streets- all of which she could do today if she wanted. I strongly suspect that she would be back within a few days regardless of which option she picked and how stubborn she is, and by paying rent you'd just be enabling her.

She's also in full time education and presumably needs your support for a lot more things than just accommodation.

This is a situation where as parents you just say, "Yes dear, very nice."

Quite usual for her age. Don't offer to pay rent, that sounds like a recipe for disaster, just tell her that she is loved and will be welcome back anytime.

I had a similar problem with my daughter, she left, came back 2 weeks later and a good solid taste of how life was and no one chasing after her to return did the trick. This was many years ago, she put her nose to the grindstone and is now a practising Lawyer with many letters after her name. To be honest, there was no signs of this capability in her until she got a taste of real life with nothing behind her.
Not saying your girl will be the same, but better to find out what it is like early on for her sake. Just my opinion of course as you know your daughter better than anyone.