16yr old moving out - what do I need to do?

There is zero chance this is realistically going to materialise given she is presumably not working. If she leaves home at 16 she is looking at being taken into care services or living on the street. Unless she has an older boyfriend or something willing to house her. No landlord is going to rent to a 16 year old child. Even if they would, she would be looking at a house share and again no one is going to agree that it is safe to house a child in a HMO. You are all being delusional. Just tell her she is welcome to have her independence at 16 and let her figure it out.

As a once stroppy teen and now mum to one…I can guess that this has become a ‘thing’ because you and DH are giving it emotional space to the point you are posting about it on here. She knows it gets a reaction (teens are hyper alert to your responses even if you don’t show it) so it’s her default when she wants to push your buttons.

as I say - zero chance she will be able to follow through with this. For balance - I lived alone in a cheap northern town during my early 20s, 15 or so years ago. I earned about £900pcm take home. After rent, council tax, bills, food, clothes, a little socialising etc etc I was utterly broke. Given the price of everything has gone up and wages have stagnated I would guess she will be unable to support herself at all. And would she even know how to find a flat, register for taxes, bills etc or would you assist with that too?

Thank you I am but I’m not totally proud of my past behaviours. But we live and learn.
I think the OP sounds a great mum asking for advice on how to handle this situation as it is a tricky one.

Such places are for teens actually in need, not OP’s disgruntled child.

To add, dont for gods sake offer to pay rent. You coould offer to sit with her and go through a budgeting spreadsheet. And let her wonder how she will pay for it all.

@Allaboutthechild I am a housing officer for the local authority. A 16 yr old would not be eligible for the housing register, and no private landlord would give her a private tenancy.

If she cane to us as homeless, we would first call the parents, and then send her home. If the parenrs wouldnt have her home, it would be a referral to childrens services.

We would not be providing temporary accommodation.

We could refer to supported housing such as the YMCA. I wouldnt recommend it.

Depending on where you are, you could possibly take her to the council offices where she wil be told exactly how things work and to go home. It might help.

You do realise if you pay her rent and actually make it easy for her, it’s more likely she’ll move out🤔

You've hit the nail on its head with this story
Maybe she really hates her parents and will always be horrible to handle

No they don't

Private renting she will be too young as most you need to be 18 others it’s over 21 and will need to prove she earns enough to cover rent and normally that would only be 1/3rd of their income, plus have a guarantor who would need to prove they have enough disposable income to pay all their own bills plus the other rent.
If she looks into it, she may well change her mind. As it’ll involve going to the council and ending up miles away from everything often in old student accommodation tiny room sharing kitchen and bathrooms with others often single parents with children.

I would turn the tables and say ok, that's fine - you'll obviously need a job, so have a look at how much you can earn, then see how much rent you can afford to pay. You'll need to shop, cook, clean, wash your clothes, go to work etc. so maybe a local job. Calmly going along with it might just diffuse it and make it easier for her to change her mind.....and make it clear that she will have to do everything for herself, that's what being independent is all about - she'll realise home is much better xx

Are there any colleges she can apply to, with accommodation/funding? Might help to try and work to a realistic version of independence she can work towards.

So she tantrums over washing a plate and plans to leave home on her 16th birthday I can't quite believe that you cannot see what an opiniated spoilt character she is
Give her a dose of reality, let her go she can go to the council about housing if need be and once she realises how the world really is it could change her; because why should you pay rent when she's the one that wanted to leave and how much is that going to be plus additional bills?
You sound a really good mum
But sometimes enough is enough
I've not really offered any pratical advice but I'm getting the feeling she may always pull against you
Just saying

I lived in a b&b many years ago honestly it was akin to a zoo.
One bathroom shared with nine others.
Three to a room.

My sister did the same. She had a bf who lived a fair distance away and would stay there for weekends. When they broke up the relationship with our parents got worse as she was at home all the time.

My dad suggested she join the navy if she was serious about leaving. It even got as far as him filling out the paperwork and getting a date for the interview. On the day he was going to drive her there and she refused to get in the car. She didn't mention it again.

Our childhood was quite shit though tbh. We're all NC with our parents now. I did leave at 16 after getting pregnant. (Not an accident as then it was a case of baby=flat) I got council accommodation which was an absolute hole. Is DD on birth control OP?

Oh and I can tell you one version of what happens when a well meaning (or not so well meaning but wealthy and wants a problem child out from under their feet) pays the rent on a flat for a 16 year old..

The flat turns into a hang out spot/drug den/doss house for every young person who realises the vulnerable and naive young person living there is lonely, wants company, feels scared etc - so they suddenly have a new bunch of VERY unsavoury 'friends' who will introduce them to all sorts of nasties.

Getting your kid away from these people is really fucking difficult and often the more you try the further they'll push you away.

I did 8 weeks alone at 16 - my mum had rented us a house whilst the family home was solved and shortly after we moved in, she was sectioned - quite violently removed from the property in the middle of the night after her then boyfriend called them - then he packed up his shit and left. No one was told I was there and i hid in my room during the whole episode.

It was the summer holidays so no teachers to notice either. I fended for myself with a dog sitting job for most of the summer that gave me £30 a week and a friends Mum at some point cottoned on that I was alone and bought me some shopping. It was horrific, I could not get rid of arseholes and hangers on trying to stay in the house, many of my belongings were stolen. Eventually the kind Mum of friend got the whole story out of me and shamed my Dad into coming and getting me - quite why I didn't seek help actively I really, to this day, do not know. I think I kept thinking my Mum would just reappear and all would be well. (She was eventually discharged two weeks after my Dad came and collected me. Until the day she died she never ever said a word about it, about abandoning me or anything!)

Not quite the same for OP's daughter, but often when kids are dropped in the deep end they DON'T seek help appropriately, they don't do what you may think is fucking obvious, they bury their heads in the sand and hope it all works out ok.

Yes that’s true. Usually the whole floor is filled homeless people, some do have drug/alcohol/ mental health issues. I’ve interpreted complaints from some homeless people who said they feel unsafe in these rooms.

Oh just to add mine was cured by getting a job and realising how far his minimum wage for a teenager wage did not go…that was our turning point! It was all fantasy until reality bit, and reality didn’t bite until he was earning and it became a reality not a fantasy. It’s easy to mentally spend imaginary money on your own place. Less so when you start earning, enjoy wasting and buying fun things and are subsequently horrified at the idea of no longer being able to do that any more if you have your own place.

Came back, tail between legs after that.

Bless. Society is not set up for a sixteen year old to stand on their own two feet I’m afraid. Frankly, given the housing crisis you are doing well to do so by twenty-six.

And the hotel room most definitely wouldn't be the type you stay in whilst on holiday.
Other residents will have MH issues,drug and drink issues.

My brother used to threaten this all the time in the end my mum got up and said come on then I'll help you pack, course he seen his arse at this point and panicked and started crying.

Don't even take her on, teens are savage I've got a 17 year old boy and a 4 year old girl and my eldest has been the worst since becoming a teen, after being the most chilled out loving child. Now I'm privileged if I get a grunt or moan when I speak to him 😂

And when say she lasted two months, after the first week she came home every night for dinner and to watch netflix!

I would not be offering to pay her rent’?! That’s crazy and so entitled of her to even think that! She’s free to leave at 16, my sister did and moved in with an older boyfriend and the police were not interested. She is very silly to keep saying she’ll move out when she’s jobless and cannot legally sign a rental agreement. If she does present herself as homeless at the council, they will call you to ask if she is homeless. You can decide whether to say she is or not. Personally I’d say she is welcome to stay but prone to tantrums and walks out often. If you do say she cannot come home then they would give her a temporary hotel room to stay in. But it’s very basic and she wouldn’t have any access to money and food, unless she claimed for universal credit.

My 17 year old DD did this.

Just let her go. Do not contribute financially. Let her come home to do her washing and eat if she needs it (she will).

Mine lasted 2 months before she realised it wasnt as much fun as she thought it would be and came home

It’s a steep learning curve for here! Oh the arrogance of youth!! Ask her to budget It all on a piece of paper, it’s ridiculous. She will end up back at home within a day or this won’t happen so I wouldn’t worry. She would have leaned a good life lesson though!! And humility!

It can be impossible to get right, but I feel at 16 with both DDs we start(ed) to move towards a flat mates kind of relationship. I treat their room as pretty private, and am certainly not nosing about in their stuff (unless I had a drugs concern), they do at least some of their washing (though I don't mind doing it particularly if things are full on or they get overwhelmed) and I don't mind if they want to buy and cook different food, or have friends/boyfriends over within reason, and I try and make sure they have their own space - like they can take over the kitchen with their mates if they want to (it operates a bit like a second sitting room anyway). Obviously this is a gradual process and can start sooner if they are mature enough and can be slower if they aren't.

Is there a way you could give DD a bit more space, autonomy and independence, but at home, like this, OP?