16yr old moving out - what do I need to do?

Looking back 30 years (and what’s happened since) I’m pretty sure that’s why my sister got up the duff at 16, had the baby at 17. Housing and weekly money. She got her flat and benefits and was as happy as Larry. Her family wasn’t though, she cost us all a fortune in bringing up her 2 kids making sure they never went without.

Keep a close eye on your daughter - where there’s a will, there’s a way!

Have the contact details for children's social services and the homeless team available.

If she walks out, ensure she knows where to go to the homeless team.

Call social services, advise she has left with the intention of moving out and that you're happy to have her home - the first thing that the homeless team will do is recommend she returns home and they usually call to ask if you'll take her back.

If she is insistent that she won't return, they will house her - they usually have temporary accommodations specifically for 16&17yo, though this obviously depends on your location and their capacity. Most of these places refuse to allow them in between 10&3 to encourage them to go to school/ college.

DO NOT help her rent somewhere. The only time I'd recommend that is if she's placing herself in danger by street sleeping - staying with friends will be fine for a while.

Make it as uncomfortable as possible for her whilst ensuring she is safe - don't help her financially but do things like let her take her quilt and pillow, drop her off at her accomodation in the car etc.

And make sure she knows she can come home.

I suspect when reality hits she'll change her mind, most do.

Has she got grandparent or other family members she can go to when she needs space?

My daughter went on about this the whole year before she was 16. When she woke up and was 16 and she realised she had precisely sod all resources to actually follow this through, she soon changed her tune. Take it with a pinch of salt until it happens then leave her to it, she’ll be back! Mines 17 now and my best pal

They won't accommodate her just because she refuses to go home - if she's got a safe home to go to they will expect OP to exercise her PR and get her home. They certainly won't offer a care placement if the OP is willing to have her home. Why would they? Teens don't become homeless because of 'strops'. They become homeless because the relationship with their adults at home has broken down to the point of danger.

Have you actually had a conversation with her about how she forsees being able to support herself when she moves out? How she plans to pay rent and bills. Food, trips out with friends.
Rather than just brush it under the carpet I would want to check she understands that money isn’t just handed out to people and she would actually need to be able to support herself in order to leave home

I think you are getting your knickers in a twist over nothing.
Don't most parents laugh and nod along with their teenagers stupid ideas?
Personally I wouldn't be entertaining paying any rent for her, I wouldn't even think about it - if she wants to pull a silly stunt like that at 16 I wouldn't be ensuring a soft landing for her, she can learn the hard way how easy she had it at home.

Duplicated post

Seeming fine and then kicking off = definitely not fine at all

How far off 16yrs is she?

Does she have a job? I do think that it helps them to understand money if they are earning.

I do understand though, it must be very scary when she is threatening to walk out and you are thinking about all the things that might happen to her.

Absolutely wasn’t my experience as someone who worked in supported accommodation for young people in care for almost ten years, nor was it my experience as a student social worker but I suppose it could happen occasionally.

I doubt very much that the OP’s daughter will sign herself into care to access supported accommodation, but if she does I’m quite sure she’ll be signing herself out and returning home again after just a few days in service.

All homeless 16 and 17 year olds have to have a joint housing and social care assessment and all efforts will be made to support the young person to remain at home. Teenagers are accommodated in hostel type accommodation but only when the situation has broken down so far at home with their parents that the teen and/or the adults are basically unsafe. It's expensive and in high demand so they won't just offer your DD somewhere to live because she doesn't want to stay at home. They will call you and ask your views and as soon as they realise you don't actually want her to move out they will signpost you to some family counselling or mediation and then close the case.

Really that’s very concerning. A wish to escape your life/run away can descend into suicidal ideation if your cries for help result in being brushed off and told you’re not really unhappy because you’re in a nice, safe and loving home.

Depression doesn’t discriminate. OP, please listen to your DD and get to the bottom of why she unhappy.

I would not be doing any of the work to help her move out. She can contact your local council herself. I would also suggest that she takes responsibility for all her own laundry, cleaning her own room and taking a turn to clean bathroom and kitchen. She should be responsible for a meal for the whole family a couple of times a week (shopping, cooking and clearing up).

If she does not wash any dishes now, she won't wash them in the new place

Yeah I wouldn’t future plan past that point OP or even get into discussion about it.
FWIW my dd is currently adamant she is getting every piercing under the sun as soon as she is 14. I’m smiling and saying ‘how adventurous and ‘oh that’s fun’ because in reality she’s got fuck all money and the money she does has is promptly spent on anything but saving up for piercings 😂😂

She will not be able to do this and it is highly likely just words spoken to impact you, especially if she is saying them over something like washing a plate. There is very little chance of her being able to put her plans into action. She will not be able to rent and I would not give her any money for anything. A typical 16 year old is not likely to be able to manage running a home or have a clue about a lot of aspects of it, and should be in education still.
I would just say ok, and leave her to figure it out for herself.

I didnt say they 'just assume responsibility', I said if she refuses they would reluctantly accommodate, they have no choice. At 16 she signs her own s20.

This is why teens come into care, they get into strops, refuse to return home, housing wont help because quite rightly the child isnt homeless although they're very good at talking a child round to wanting to go into care and then social services have to manage a child for 2 years that doesnt want to be parented and wont comply with the rules of being in care either.

I remember your other post about your daughter. She needs mental health intervention as she’s clearly struggling.

I wouldn’t even entertain the idea. By all means nod along and tell her she is free to leave if she considers it necessary. She won’t go anywhere.

Definitely don’t signpost her to resources which would help her to leave. That’s nuts.

I “left home” at 16 because I was a stroppy teenager. I spent one week in my BF’s university halls before he told me to go home. A second week in a sleeping bag under my classmate’s carport whilst she and her family were on holiday. Then I got bored of being uncomfortable and went home.

This isn’t quite correct, social services don’t just assume responsibility like that. It would have to be a section 20 (parents sign child into care) or section 17 if she is deemed to be a child in need (parents give consent for involvement). Section 47 is child protection, and this wouldn’t meet the threshold.

There are waiting lists as long as
your arm for young people actually in care and at risk of homelessness for a space in supported accommodation. There is no reason for social services to be involved here.

FWIW after that I just got very motivated to make my life my own. Aced my a levels, went to uni, got a good job and now have my own house, very near my parents. DH, kids, very conventional, and I’m organising a shit load for my dad who is now in the process of going into elder care. Just to say it doesn’t mean she won’t come back to you. Teenage girls are hell, and I am fully aware that my 5yo DD may deliver on me the hell I gave my mum and dad. And if she does, I’ll accept it’s karma…