16yr old moving out - what do I need to do?

You're right - I am about 20 years older than you, so it seems 'recent' to me!

You might be joking but the problem is the more people she tells that she is unhappy and doesnt want to be at home, the more 'saviours' will pop up to try to 'help', you see it on here all the time, taking her in or word getting round there is a vulnerable girl who 'cant' live at home and some older many may well come along and offer her a home.

Employers have been legally able to pay shit wages to 16-18 year olds for a long time, it’s not recent.

The minimum wage for 16-18 was £3ph when I left home in 2005, I remember as my boss paid me £3.50ph on the condition I didn’t tell the other kids because he felt sorry for me.

I left home at 16 first to live at a residential college - this was funded by the local authority as they did not have a college local to me offering the course I wanted to do.

Beyond that option, whilst technically she can leave... the world, the benefits system etc, is NOT set up for 16 year olds to live independently of parents or some in loco parentis set up.

Any of the available council funded options would need her to state and prove, or you to agree, that she is not welcome at home or not safe at home - she can't, and you won't, so that's out.

So unless she's actively going to choose to be homeless and sleep rough, which I highly doubt, it isn't going to happen.

I returned home at 17 and became homeless when my relationship with my Mother became impossible and my Fathers position was he was looking after my sister, I was therefore 'your Mothers problem' and he wouldn't do a thing.

I went to a Young Peoples Housing initiative for homeless people under 25. At first living in a communal group home which had support staff and managers on in the day and a security guard at night (not that they did much beyond secure a packet of biscuits and a mug), then in a bedsite owned by the same initiative, by myself - that was pretty awful, if your belongings were not in your hand they were stolen, drugs were everywhere, at any time someone would be dragged out by police or carted out by paramedics and heading out was a nightmare as we were HATED by the local residents too.

At 18 I got a council bedsit, this was back in the late 1990s and the benefits for young people were somewhat better then tbh - however I totally failed to put myself back into college as the college was absolutely NOT equipped for an 18 year old without parents. I repeatedly had to explain I could not have a parent sign this or agree to that or oversee the other, I didn't have any, I lived independently. Perhaps things are better now, but it is unlikely.

Realistically, if you don't facilitate this, it can't happen, unless as I say, she wants to be homeless which I would put money on she does not. If she does try it, let her do the running, let her find out for herself. It may be that she would be better off going away to college, if theres a course that would suit, but the other options are dire and I would absolutely not recommend them!

Dont be surprised if as soon as she hits 16 she's all of a sudden got a 24 year old boyfriend.

Hi just to give a response relating to this. I moved out at 16. The week i turned 16 i moved out, i rented a cheap flat with a classmate of mine. My dads business was up the road from the landlords shop and i suppose he trusted that my dad would have made it right if we defaulted, though it wasnt an offical thing. He rented directly to us. We both were still at school, we both had part time jobs. This was 2005.

It was hard,.very hard. I used to go to my mums for a hot bath because i couldnt afford gas for our heating. But i was unhappy at home and it did, almost immediatly, improve our relationship.

I hope that if she does move,.that it helps you both to have a better relationship. Teenage years are hard, and there are things that make it feel hard despite a secure and loving home.

The idea of some stroppy brat with a perfectly good home and nice parents ending up in foster care for her trouble is making me 🤣🤣🤣. Would be a great lesson for her!

I hope she doesn't go down the route of social care, though. There are young people her age who really are homeless and in need, not just posturing, as she is.

If she’s so keen to move out the best thing for her is to encourage some academic ambition in her so she can go to uni at 18 and have a decent stab at making an ok life for herself. Anyone leaving home at 16 is generally heading for a life of min wage jobs and benefits and a crap quality of life for ever.

What does she want to do post GCSE? Would residential accommodation at a FE college be a good half way point to moving out? Obviously you would have to pay. It's often the more animal/land based colleges.
https://www.myerscough.ac.uk/students/accommodation/
bicton.ac.uk/accommodation/

This. Let her end up in a hostel - that will soon teach her how good she has it at Mum and Dad's.

If you can afford to sub her rent - then why not look at 6th form boarding schools?

My post literally says “…or if they came into care as 15/16 year olds and couldn’t be placed (with a foster family) at all”

Why on earth would you think that a supported accommodation service wouldn’t be fully aware of a YP’s background and reason for entry into the care system? How would any risk assessments be completed? How would we know how to best support that YP?

I didn’t “deny” that this situation often results in YP’s coming into care, I said in my response to a PP that IN MY EXPERIENCE that didn’t happen, but accepted that it could be possible.

It wasn't that long ago that people were able to leave education at 16 and get a full-time job on the same wages as anyone else. It's only in recent years that the government(s) have upped the school-leaving age to 18 to massage the unemployment figures, and changed the minimum wage so that employers can legally pay shit wages to under 18s and slightly less shit wages to under 21s. Which makes it really difficult for them to leave home and rent themselves a room, like previous generations could and did.

There are children who need to leave home at 16 (not saying the OP's dd is necessarily one of them) because of issues at home like an alcoholic parent etc, and now it's much more difficult.

Looking at a college with accommodation is a good idea though.
There's one near me that's fairly rural and has 'halls' for 16-18 year olds in term time that includes breakfast and dinner.

when i was 18 (on my birthday in fact!), i had to move into assisted accommodation (usually 18-25, but i think sometimes that included 16+) by presenting as homeless to the council. i had threatened to leave from 16 but i definitely couldn’t have - i only left when my situation at home hit breaking point and police got involved (not instigated by myself - i did have a partner who’s parents helped me to get the right support)

when i tell you that place was the worst place for someone my age to be, i’m not joking

full of people dealing, teenage pregnancies, violent people, always fights and drama

a man tried to break down a door and attack me as he just snapped once. he ended up addicted to class A’s and living homeless shortly after

people who’d been to prison, were on the way to prison, someone who lived there was committing fraud and actually wanted by the police - he was a dealer who gave us a fake name

the support was abysmal in regards to safeguarding - i was constantly scared. on top of this, they also put you with a flatmate - luckily for me, the girl i was placed with was the only normal person in the building, and we are still very close friends years later! both flatmates she had before me became pregnant from men in the building within 6 months of living there in order to get a council flat

they also only give you UC, and you are not encouraged to get a job. you also have to pay 20% of this as ‘rent’ (it’s more of a token amount), so we would have around £200 a month total for all expenses. thankfully, i got a job and things got a lot easier - i was only there for 6 months but i look back at that time and thing WTF was i doing there! i am successful now and have a well paid job, a lovely partner and roof over my head.

the people that get put there get stuck in the system, and the cycle repeats. this was with a YMCA run place - i would say that this is the norm for the council provided places.

not trying to worry you but it might be worth outlining all of this to her - these people have trauma and have suffered all sorts, and are very sadly stuck in a vicious cycle

OP, i really hope she is just doing a classic teenager ‘woe is me, hate my parents, i have no freedom’. one week of a place like that and she’ll eat her words

i appreciate it must be very tough, but i thought i could share some insight - i would not mention paying for rent AT ALL, especially as she probably wouldn’t be able to be somewhere legally at that age without a job/in education

i hope it gets a bit easier for you all

xxxxx

ETA: specifying housing situation

This is by far the worst thing you could do OP! You're enabling her tantrums and childish behaviour. She is nowhere near mature enough to make sound decisions so paying for her to live somewhere else would just feed that entitlement.
Like a lot of other people are saying, get her to apply to the council when the time comes so she sees just how difficult it really is. My friend is a senior housing officer for the council and trust me, she won't get a brand spanking new, all fully furnished flat that she can do as she pleases in!
Allow her to make this bold.move and be there for her when she realises just how difficult it is and what a great home she is leaving behind when she comes crawling back

I think every teenager says this at some point
I've had it from my eldest (16 in July) but I know she would be useless without us in the house because she'd do fuck all

Don't worry about it, don't take it seriously. She'll come to her senses

Realistically she will need to find a friend or adult she can move in with.

If she presents herself as homeless to the council or social services then they will ask you if you are refusing to house her - they won't have a duty to house her as you haven't thrown her out.

If she was my child, I would just tell you love her and will always support her whatever she chooses, and she will always have a safe home with you.

Unless there's a boyfriend she will be moving in with, I think she will quickly realise home is her best option.

As others have said, no landlord is going to rent to her even if you’re the one paying the rent. At 16 years old and still in school (year 11? so doing her GCSEs soon) I doubt she can claim any benefits at all and can’t get a job so has no way to support herself. It’s just not going to happen. Thank god for that. I know a few people who were care leavers back when kids left care at 16 (think it’s usually 18 now?) and it was hard and lonely. I wouldn’t have wanted to trade lives with them.

You're doing the right thing btw, not outwardly feeding into this, not arguing with her about it. Try not to worry about it for now. And if its any consolation, the 2 years between 16 and 18 they usually do an awful lot of growing up so hopefully your daughter will come out the other side of this and be less stroppy 🤞

You said you didnt work with any late into cares?

Im saying you havent seen the front end of late into cares.

Its a discussion forum, no one is 'going at you' (ridiculous phrase) you are denying that this situation often results in the child coming to care, it does unfortunately. To no ones benefit whatsoever.

Of course she wont be happy signing herself into care, she knows nothing about it, she certainly wont be happy in supported accommodation because no one is going to pussy foot around her like a family would, she'll be given written warnings and then notice if she carried on like this in placement.

Mother of six, all of whom were moving out on their 16th birthdays.

All are now in their twenties, apart from the 14 year old, and not one of them did it.

I said that too but the reality was very different when looking to find somewhere to live and I soon realised I was better off where I was.

I wouldnt worry too much about this, it will pass especially if she wants to go to university.

Unfortunately, you don't choose your parents.
Your daughter doesn't sound mature enough to make this step at 16, but if there ever was an option in my then country to present myself as homeless to the council and they would find accommodation, sure as hell I would have gone for it.
No advice, maybe more (calm) communication.

I’m not sure what you mean by what will happen. And what’s the process. Likely nothing. And there’s no process. She can leave home if she wants to, and has the means etc.

I left home at 16 and never went back. My parents did nothing to help or hinder. So basically nothing happened other than I got a job and made a life for myself.

If your daughter has the life skills and ability then I guess that’s that. If not she will be back. But there’s no forms to fill in or process to follow unless things have changed since I was 16.