16yr old moving out - what do I need to do?

This ⬆️ How much available cash / savings does she have access to? On her 16th birthday I’d pack her things and say off you trot then and see her panic and back down when there is no party, cards or gifts, and you send her off. Don’t be blackmailed by her threatening to leave. Just nod and agree.

Ok "caringcarer". I'll point out that you know nothing about this girl, what she's struggling with in her life or in herself, to assume she's just 'entitled'.

If she truly wants to leave then she could look at an apprenticeship with accommodation. My friend’s ds got an apprenticeship several hours from home and lived with other apprentices Mon to Fri. He had literally just turned 16 as a late August baby. Obviously very competitive and he worked hard.

I wonder why she's so fixated on leaving at 16 when she can go to uni just two years later anyway, and have a much nicer time of it there, than in some crappy social-care situation. It doesn't make any sense.

She is unlikely to get a foster placement. I tried to get a 16yo fostered out of their home. Despite it being shit, the local authority were not interested. No police nor social services involvement. No A&E visits. No cause for local authority to get involved.
a lot has to go wrong before foster care would become an option.

so Doesn’t sound likely here.

Its a control tactic. If she was that set on leaving she would leave now.

From the your other thread, you have a very troubled teenager. As well as carefully monitoring what she is accessing online, I agree with others that you should speak to the school or your GP and find out if you can access parenting support & counselling. It isn't just a case of calling her bluff and letting her get on with it. In this specific case, enabling her would be a move you are likely to regret forever.

I really feel for you op, this is incredibly hurtful for you

Call her bluff. Wish her well. And don’t pay any attention to this ridiculous idea. Where is she going to go and what’s her big plan.

I would sit down with her and discuss it in detail with her as a support. Go through all of the bills with her (show her yours if needs be) council tax / energy / phone / rent everything and then talk to her about how she plans to cover those costs. What is she doing to plan for that? It’ll soon put her off when she realises it’s totally impossible!

@Allaboutthechild From your updates, this sounds like awkward teenager talk, she hasn’t considered the realities of independent living at all- she’ll be terrified if she does speak to SS/CAB about her options.

Just keep talking to her about what she wants to do after her GCSE’s,

My DD (20) has said that she realizes that she had a good upbringing after going to uni and meeting people who really did/do have a lot to contend with. She was pretty awkward from 13-15 too, but suddenly matured at 16.

If she is being really stroppy, why not suggest boarding school for sixth form - state boarding school not some fancy place that does their laundry. My dd boarded for sixth form and she quickly realised how easy home life was.

The underlying problem is that she is a teenager who is old enough to want all that she sees but not old enough to understand it, handle it or pay for it. She wants what she sees as freedom to do as she wants without realising that it comes at a massive cost, so that it isnt freedom at all.

When this happens, which it does to most teens even if they dont vocalise it but just think it, the thing to do is anti parent. To nod and smile and let them get on with it. Forcing conversations, saying "Oh but darling TALK TO ME!!" will have the opposite effect to the desired one. Let her get on with it, let her walk on the wall with no one holding her hand. Lessons are only learned when we fall.

You need to parent her and manage the underlying problems, not throw money at it all.

Seriously just nod and say "Ok love, if thats what you want" .

A friend of mine pulled a blinder when her DD did the same and she said "OK to get you used to paying your bills...." "I DONT NEED YOU!!!! I CAN PAY MY BILLS!!!!!" "Good, from next month you are paying your own phone bill, I need £X a month from you otherwise it will be cancelled". The dd did have a part time job and it was about 25% of her earned income.

Said DD went crackers. But my friend stood her ground and oddly enough the DD never threatened to move out again.

Oh dear, she will be hearing all sorts of nonsense then.

I think the way you’re talking to her about this has a lot of room for improvement. Have you looked at family therapy/parenting coaching? I recommend DBT family therapy, which as far as I’m aware is generally delivered to the parents to help them connect better with the child. I’ve done this, it was very effective. You can get her a nice rented place, but she’ll still be very vulnerable to exploitation from others, I would fight very hard right now to find an approach that works to rebuild the relationship rather than being dismissive towards her. I understand you’re trying your best but she will be feeling patronised and unseen I imagine.

Sorry. I’m not sure what you meant by that?

30 years ago, she could have moved out at 16, been found a flat by the council paid for by housing benefit etc, and got signed on to income support. That's what happened to my DB after he told the council he'd been thrown out by our parents. (He hadn't been thrown out but theyl never checked). His flat became party central for him and his mates, though he got back into education later.

That wouldn't happen now. If she was deemed to be homeless, there is supported housing for 16-18 year olds, but it's not ideal, being housed with other teenagers who all have their own problems. Providers of housing vary widely in the standard of accommodation and care provided, and she could be vulnerable to predatory adults.

Your worst case is if she finds unsavoury friends to move in with. Does she have older friends who have left home?

Are there other family members she could stay/ lodge with? There are some education training providers who provide accommodation (e.g. army) but they wouldn't take her on her 16th birthday,

Ah, that makes sense. It feels like a very long time to me because I feel ancient now compared to 16 year old me 😂

If it was as easy and straightforward as your DD is making out then surely more kids would do it.My advice is not to say or do anything,just let her get on with it.As you’ve said she’s very stubborn so probably won’t listen or agree with anything you say.
Do you really think a 16 yr old still at school or college can rent somewhere,even if their parents are paying?
Once she sees what the real world is like,I’m sure home won’t seem that bad.She probably is craving her own space,does she have a part time job,does she have sleepovers with friends,is she planning to go to uni,planning to learn to drive? All these give them independence and experience of life outside the home.My 17 yr old went to Paris on coach with a few of her friends for couple of nights,I was really worried and tbh didn’t want her to go but I kept quiet and they had a great time and all went ok.
Im sure this is just a phase and will pass but you have to let her do it.

Does she know what she wants to do after her GCSE's? I would concentrate on that and ignore all the stuff about leaving. I certainly wouldn't enable leaving either! Or look stuff up and pass it on or offer to pay!! She is testing you.

My ds started all this ' I'm leaving as soon as I can, mainly because we wouldnt let him game all night. We said well, if you think you can find somewhere and pay all the bills including your phone go for it. After the initial drama, we said maybe see about the army, and the gap year thingy?

But we did chat about how life might be better, what was acceptable and whats not, does she want to eventually end up at university? If so it's only 2 years away!

2 years probably sounds like a lifetime away. I know it did to me at that age.