Today I was harassed by a homeless person. AIBU?

Of course you can ...it's called a diagram.

Like my imaginary scenario here...

I just don't understand that DH was close enough to see a change in the situation.... Move closer.... But still not come straight to you and assist/intervene despite you making it so obvious your were scared.

How did he not realise that you needed help?

I also think you are angry at the wrong people op.

You said your DH came closer as he knew something was going on. I agree with others that you can’t expect strangers to help you if he wouldn’t.

I think you needed to be clearer with the cashiers about exactly why you needed to pay urgently.

I also agree others may not have fully understood the situation and possibly thought you knew the person or was working with them, as you walked in with them. I agree with others that the ‘done’ thing is more to let the person wait outside while you buy something for them and take it back outside for them.

I also agree you should have just walked away.

Just put it down to a learning experience and consider what you would do next time. At a bare minimum, make them wait outside. But personally I would not offer them anything at all.

Also consider these coffee houses etc and the people that work in them. Many of them are young. I was just 16 years old when I worked in one, so regardless of them being staff, i wouldn’t want to bring that situation on them either by bringing a stranger in who is potentially high or drunk.

Homeless people do beg. What on earth are you on about.

I was scared he was going to stab me or attack my husband

There was a lady in the queue I was looking to for help. I’m in my 30’s. She looked very uneasy but avoided all eye contact with me.

No one in ear shot helped. No one cared. Everyone turned a blind eye, despite me knowing they could hear and see. My husband was worried but also fearful to walk my children over and was genuinely out of ear shot.

So your husband was too fearful to help you but you expected a stranger woman in the queue to help?

This is one of the most bizarre posts I’ve read here.

Just because you’re from the country doesn’t mean people need to put themselves in danger for you.

Exactly. In an earlier reply you said I was scared he was going to stab me or attack my husband

Assuming the others in the queue knew at all of exactly what was happening, this is what they likely would be fearing also. Not saying it’s right but sort of explains why no one intervened especially in the absence of anything physical occurring.

Also, DH keeps being mentioned because you also said, he was watching you and could tell something was wrong and moved closer but then didn’t do anything so maybe even he was worried about being attacked?

YANBU to be upset but possibly are to have expected a different outcome from bystanders. Like o said earlier though it’s horrible this happened when you were trying to do a nice thing for someone disadvantaged and it back fired and I hope you’re feeling better.

Why would you expect strangers to have a different reaction to you. I’m a woman in my 30s and I wouldn’t involve myself if I see someone threatening with someone else, I can call the police when I’m safe to do so but I can’t put myself in danger for you, you won’t do the same either.

It’s also power in numbers, it’s about everyone stepping up. Like you say, you’re from a small place, it’s different. When people used to live in small communities and people knew each other the world was a better place. It’s why I hate being in cities for very long!

YANU OP, this is a huge issue and misunderstanding. Homeless people as a rule do not beg. Beggars beg and beggars are usually not nice people at all. I work with homelss teenagers and beggars destroy honest homless peoples chances in life and create a huge amount of misery.

He could have easily just walked over with the kids...

And if the guy was looking like trouble. Said "OP take the kids outside to get a milkshake/cookie/whatever".

I grew up in Glasgow… trust me when I say I’ve had worse than this. I never did what you did.
Walk away.

I totally understand that it would have been a frightening situation for you.

To expect people who were in the queue or staff to have:

Observed/heard the situation.

Understand that you were scared and out of your depth.

Intervened and resolved the issue?

Completely unreasonable.

You need to build your resilience and also look at your behaviour. You just say no I've changed my mind and leave. You stayed and was a target.
I am not victim blaming. These were my client group and the boundaries need to be very clear.

I completely understand you trying to end the interaction by following through with buying a drink. I just don’t get why you expect other people to do something to make the man go away you weren’t able to do it either?

You described it pretty well. I think some people enjoy giving shaken up people a hard time.

You were scared he was going to stab you or attack your husband.

It’s likely the people you are upset with for not helping you, were worried about the same.

You’ve tried to do a good deed and it’s not ended pleasantly. I think you will need to chalk this up to experience. People will have probably intervened if he’d of become physical with you but sometimes a situation escalates when others intervene and it’s best to just let it pan out.

It’s all well and good saying you would have said something but in the real world nobody does. People preserve themselves first and foremost and don’t get involved. People don’t know what is going on and are fearful of getting involved. It happens all the time.

OP for future reference as soon as he started making inappropriate comments that should have been your cue to actually sorry, no I can’t help you and walk away. Don’t expect bystanders to rescue you. People’s instinct is always to rescue themselves first. Rarely you might come across someone who has all the answers and jumps straight in but those are the exceptions, not the rule.

She said he was standing in between her and the kids and did not want to leave the kids, presumably.

Sorry op- I would have been scared to say anything - let you go in front of me, he might of felt judged and come at me for it, intervene and he could have pulled a knife/ lashed out.

If I was in the coffee shop and seen/ heard everything from the moment he approached- I would be angry at you for keeping him in there where he could have gone crazy. Shame as he could be harmless but I wouldn’t risk helping you and certainly wouldn’t have said yes to a drink.

Think of the next poor woman he approaches thinking she will also say yes (as you did) she may not have a DH waiting to see she’s ok.

Also- I would presume you knew him so wouldn’t be involved for that reason.

Learn from this as there are more ways to help the homeless.

There are some really horrible people on this thread.

The OP didn't do any wrong and is obviously shook up.

You'd have to be a total shit box to be making it worse for her.

What do you want them to do? They were all presumably women like yourself of similar stature and not police women?

I get that you were scared… it’s likely they were too.

In honesty, you were too scared to say or do anything, but wanted other people to?

Yes, had I been the staff member I probably would have either waved your payment away or offered the card reader to you promptly

Your husband's getting some stick here. My partner would have already been on his phone and not even noticed he could be watching me. So fair play to hubby I say!