Today I was harassed by a homeless person. AIBU?

Sorry to sound callous, and I know you meant well OP, but it's a lesson about charitable intentions. Not everyone on skid row is a hard-done-by tart-with-a-heatt-of-gold lavender seller from a Dickens novel. I'm not taking the piss, I spent a lifetime learning this lesson as my default setting was always a bit Marie Antoinette despite not being from a privileged background.

Yeah you should have just decked him! 😂

Precisely. You might have had a point if you were disabled or elderly or there were strong men around or you knew these particular women were advanced practitioners of martial arts, but otherwise why should any of the women you were looking to for help put themselves at risk in this situation?

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

Is it possible this person was known to the coffee shop as someone mentally ill? Possibly other men nearby thought it was a mentally ill woman? I think you'd only find out by going back and talking to the staff about it.

I think the lesson is always trust your instinct, if it feels unsafe or uncomfortable then it is.

And, if buying a homeless person a drink, buy any drink then hand it to them outside.

Some people know the right things to say to get into your head and make you freeze - I remember on a train once, a man said to me 'I bet your parents never loved you.' Chilling.

I also had bad experience taking someone to a cash machine in the 90s and giving them money for a hostel and watching them get in a car of the hostel owner who was taking them there....then seeing them on a TV national documentary about Brighton two weeks later about shooting heroin showing the lumps it caused on their inner thighs.

In the 2010s I found details of a local shelter near London Bridge, when they refurbished the station I was struck by the contrast of all the posh shops and homelessness which seemed worse than before. I made a donation for some of their cards. They offer hot meals and showers. Do you know how many homeless people have been interested in the card when I've given it to them? Zero! They just say I know about them.

I am not surprised but you aren’t going to get sympathy on here. I don’t know what I would’ve done it sounds so frightening and it is sad that people don’t say anything but I think that is society now unfortunately. I hope you are okay.

What are you talking about?

that sounds very frightening, but I don’t think people ignored it out of not caring.

i think people try to ignore crazy people like that because they are frightened themselves, or don’t want to make things worse.

I think it’s worth getting in touch with the cafe. Tell them how it made you feel as a lot of places will chase homeless/ beggars out if they’re upsetting customers.

they’ll probably have CCTV- he was making threats which is an offence. Why not get in touch, so staff are aware and can stop him coming into the cafe and ban him from their premises? they may already have issues with this guy

Could have left. Picked up the children and legged it.

I get why the OP acted the way she did. We can't blame ourselves for aour shock response etc etc

However I still have no idea why the DH didn't do anything and why OP can't explain why DH was close by... yet far enough away...

Coffee shops aren't that big...

This. "No, sorry" and keep walking.

I'm shocked at the harsh responses you have received. Please ignore them.

Agree

Learn to stand up for yourself and stop expecting others to jump in to defend you. Your DH could have done something.

Good to know some self defense. And honestly just ignore the homeless, they are homeless for a reason.

Oh try harder OP. The attempt at getting all the transphobes going 🤣

No the scenario doesn't make sense.

The husband was close enough to see something was up.... Moved closer.... and was somehow still to far away to hear anything at all and then seemingly stood by when his wife gave "very clear" signals she was scared.... Bit he didn't do anything at all?

At the first sign something was up, I'd expect him to have come directly to OP.

So either the husband failed her or the OP wasn't as clear as she claimed in her scared demeanor...

I'm not seeking to demonise people with drug dependency

I don’t demonise them but I hold them 100% accountable for taking drugs and their ensuing behaviour. I have very little sympathy for the men.

Sounds like an awful situation and I understand why you were frightened and didn't want to antagonise them further by going back on your agreement to buy the drink.

Sorry to say it, but I don't buy drinks etc for people on the street. I make the assumption that donations to a charity probably do more targeted good.

I also feel that homeless people are perhaps more likely to have issues with drug dependency than a few decades ago, and as a result are more likely to be under the influence and unpredictable. I'm not seeking to demonise people with drug dependency, but it makes the interaction more high risk than perhaps it used to be. I especially wouldn't engage with my kids on the scene - while it might seem like it sets a good example, the interaction can get out of hand.

If you were scared enough yourself to not walk away, I'm sure others could also sense that it was dangerous for them to get involved. It's similar for both.

Your reaction is completely understandable. It is your expectation that other people should have said or done something when you and your husband couldn’t that is questionable.

Op with respect what did you want the public to do that your husband didn’t? Presumably your husband didn't intervene because he didn’t want a scene in front of the kids, but other people also weren’t unreasonable to put their own safety first either. If you as a grown woman couldn’t handle this interaction what did you want them to do?

Secondly what on earth were you thinking interacting with a homeless person to start with. I don’t care how this sounds, the vast majority are not ‘homeless veterans’ but violent drug addicts who spend their lives harassing, intimidating and stealing. Or worse. If they try to speak to me I act like they don’t exist. There are charities to help, it isn’t your place to do so.

I get that you live rurally and this was a new and frightening experience. I do think though that you should get some personal safety training in case you are ever in a similar situation.

This!

You could have done all of this but instead you’re blaming the staff. Come on!

This, completely. Most people are in their own thoughts or on their phones, at the best of times and if your husband didn't get it then its likely others didn't.

It's shit feeling scared. Report the antisocial behaviour online and swerve next time.