Today I was harassed by a homeless person. AIBU?

Op said its a popular coffee shop not a chain necessarily. A few in our area you order then pay at the till at the end while they make it and bring it to you. I think that's much more common in independent coffee stores which where I am would be more popular than chains.

Ah that must have been very scary for you.You tried to do something nice and it backfired.It sounds like the bystander effect-people dont want to get involved and always think/hope someones else will.Also,you seem to be getting absolutely bloody flamed on here tonight-i asked for help rehoming my dog a few weeks ago and before I knew it people were picking holes in my "story",referring to me as a little shit and dog abuser.I literally asked for help and I got torn down.Ended up having my post removed.I hope you are ok xx

But he could’ve gone, said to OP take the children and sit down.

why should anyone else deal with the highly unstable individual that OP took to the counter?

I'm from central London, and this sort of thing happened to me so many times. Beggars always seemed to make a beeline for me, too. My partner isn't from London but lived there with me for some years and wasn't really used to big city issues. Nevertheless he would never have let me walk off with a beggar.

Never mind your husband "was keeping an eye on me" or whatever. That was a very dangerous move you made.

Once, a guy started on me in Tesco. He'd done it to a couple of women before me, too. My partner stepped in. The guy didn't know he was with me, and couldn't get away fast enough. I am not "flaming", your husband but I don't understand why he just let you walk off with this person.

Others don't get involved, in my experience at least. They might do on TV, but rarely in real life. And tbh I am not sure that I would. There are some scary individuals out there.

That ‘highly unstable individual’ should never have been engaged with in the first place.

Never approach homeless people, ever.

If you want to help, donate to a charity.

Oh this is actually such a good point!!!

@CopeWithChange I feel shaken up. No one in ear shot helped. No one cared. Everyone turned a blind eye, despite me knowing they could hear and see.

I tend not to stare at other people when I'm out and about, so I'm not going to notice if you're upset or distressed about something. You also need to bear in mind that I would generally avoid talking to random women in public as it's not socially acceptable. So no, I would not have noticed that anything was wrong in this scenario.

Suggesting that the dad should have walked his two kids up beside a highly unstable individual potentially escalating a fragile situation is complete madness. I would not have wanted my dc anywhere near.

I think what I find... odd... is the rushing to the cashier asking to pay. Almost all chain coffee shops in my town take the money first then they make it and pop it on the end of the counter.

This man was obviously mentally ill and it can be very scary being confronted by someone who is obviously not in their right mind.

I do not blame you for being scared or acting out of character.
You felt uneasy and your fight or flight kicked in.

You did not make the workers aware that he was harassing you and you were paying for his drink - most people would not have picked up on this.
If you were telling the man to go away, then I would hope that someone would step in but you were with him buying him a drink.

Your DH could tell something was off and should have come over to see if everything was ok - you could have then asked him to pay for the drinks whilst you go and get a seat.
You should have called DH over.

But hindsight is a wonderful thing and it’s very easy for us to say what you should have done when we’re sat in our safe homes without our fight or flight instinct going mad.

You didn’t know what to do in that situation, your DH didn’t know what to do in that situation and so it’s unfair to blame the people around you for not knowing what to do.

I’m sorry you had to go through this.

Dont get involved with homeless weirdoes. A lot of them have severe mental health issues and if you want to be kind, just give them a pound and walk away.

You really haven't. Nothing you've said explains his inaction, it's all very odd.

It is bizarre. The only way it makes sense to me is that OP is actually upset at her wet lettuce husband but is projecting that onto the bystanders instead of onto him.

But you haven't said why he didn't intervene when he heard you say yes.
According to you he is well travelled and was surprised at you saying yes, so why didn't he say he would buy the drink and swoop in and take them to the counter while you left with the children.

No you said he came closer as he thought something was wrong.

And then waffled about "2 kids to consider".

He should have just come directly to you then first time not just closer. Yes, even with the kids in tow.

It makes no sense that he didn't protect you.

Then you should have called him. If people saw 2 women, they wouldn't necessarily see that something was wrong. Your husband saw, because he came closer but didn't intervene - sorry, but I don't understand that.

I believe he targeted you not because of where you were standing, but because you are a woman.

I find it odd your DH didn’t even step in and warn you against it in the first place tbh.

YABU, you got yourself into difficulty by indulging a beggar, then expected other people to endanger themselves by rescuing you.

Also, at that point, he was just being verbally threatening; by doing anything different or intervening, bystanders could have unsettled him and tipped him over the edge.

I think realistically op if there's a tense situation like that, the wrong intervention could have caused a huge escalation and created more danger. So while yes, absolutely horrible and very intimidating for you and completely unacceptable on the homeless persons part, I think if I'd been there (and I work with this demographic) I'd have been quiet too but watching closely and if they began to get physical then I'd have intervened. I think you probably did the best thing you could do in that moment which was just to pay and get yourself out without any further provokation from anyone as this individual sounds very unstable. The best thing your dh could do in that moment was keep your kids as far away as possible. It sounds like him being there would have created a very different dynamic.

I would report this to police op, it sounds like this was kind of calculated and there's no doubt they will try this on other women.

In future, I think if you want to help, you give them the money and let them sort themselves out at the till and with ordering, don't involve yourself so much because that will make extraction harder.

Why are you ignoring the questions about why your DH stood by and did absolutely nothing to protect/help his wife?

It's so strange.

Please explain the distances between you and DH.

It makes absolutely no sense that your husband came nearer...but not all the way to you...

I'm sorry you had the experience OP, but I have to say I wouldn't expect someone to step in unless I had told the aggressor to leave, or tried to leave myself and been prevented.
And actually, you had it under control! You (rightly imo) decided that the best course of action was to just buy the drink and leave. I would guess the other women present agreed with that and thought it better not to antagonise the situation.

(It would have been good if the staff could have processed you quicker - I have no idea how easily that can happen though, I don't drink coffee so don't go in these places to know how long it would normally take to be able to pay)