Today I was harassed by a homeless person. AIBU?

Maybe he was a scaredy cat??

I don’t think any amount of “teaching” helps when you’re confronted by an aggressive man, whatever the circumstances.

So sorry you encountered this vile human when you were being kind. My DH would not have interfered either as he would be in his own world looking at other people doing ordinary things. The staff around you should have been more aware and helped. Nothing was your fault.

So walk away?
Call your husband over?
Do anything other than stay with the person. I really don’t understand why you didn’t just leave.

Why didn't your husband come over immediately as soon as he realised something was amiss?

Shame the husband didn't protect his wife

I never give money to homeless. Never have, never will.

Nor do I carry cash these days!

No good deed hey?
I think people would need to be crystal clear that you needed help to step out of their comfort zones to assist you.
Sorry you had a scary experience.

But you could have asked your husband for help. If the coffee shop was quiet it’d have been easy for you to walk to him, or even just call him over. You say strangers should have acted because you were visibly frightened - did your husband not notice?

And if you’d walked over to the queue with the horrible person to buy him a drink that would be enough for me to think you knew him (and asking you odd questions would make me think mental illness rather than random stranger).

Im very sorry you’ve been upset but I think you’re angry at the wrong people.

How big are these coffee shops? Hardly 200m away was she?

DH apparently twigged something was up yet... Did fuck all?

It's just OP was saying it was very obvious she was scared...yet her husband who was watching didn't realise either...

Why didn't you just hand the vagrant a £5 note instead?

@CopeWithChange im very sorry this happened to you especially after trying to do an altruistic thing. However I am surprised that you’re surprised no one in the queue did anything based on vocal interactions between you and the homeless person. I appreciate you said you looked worried but I doubt the other people in the queue were looking at you directly and the cashier could only take payment for the drinks in the order they were being made and didn’t see any reason to allow any queue jumping. Your ‘obvious I was very scared’ expression may have been read by them as annoyed, harassed, impatient etc.

As other PP said, the only person monitoring your well being was your DH and in your place I would have shouted him over if I needed back up 💗

But he would’ve understood his wife’s body language, and she could’ve gestured to him?

I might have misread your fear as irritation and being late/in a rush.. you were there waiting to pay for the drink. Im not clear why when it got weird you didnt return to your family. Or why you didnt tell the cashier you were worried/upset

He was far away. The ppl closer would have heard what the crazy person was saying.

No, people on here are just kind of dicks these days. It’s not unusual to not react in the way you think you’re going to do when you feel physically threatened, it’s instinctive. I’m sorry that happened to you.

It’s also possible the cafe staff didn’t know how to react either or instinctively were trying to de-escalate by ignoring the situation. He’s possibly also known to them.

Unfortunately there are people who prey on kindness as a weakness. In my hometown 2 teenage lads asked an older man for help finding something they dropped (a phone I think). They were off their heads, turned on him and killed him with a homemade samurai sword, right there in the car park.

Fuck me. Some of these replies are horrific.

I get why you didn’t just walk away…that would escalate the person and then you’re looking at the risk of him/her/whatever following you back to your kids, throwing things, yelling etc.

And this whole “well, how can you expect others to say something when you couldn’t do it yourself”. Wow. Because not all of us have that level of confidence and bravery and it’s the social contract of polite and civilised society to help others when one does have the strength.

I’m a 30s woman and not sure what I would have done as I don’t want to get stabbed either. I think had one person stepped in, others would instantly have followed. You’d have hoped the staff would have asked him to leave, assuming he was audibly abusive and disruptive.

I’m really sorry this happened to you and I’d be equally as upset.

I don't know where you were, but if I buy a homeless person a drink I ask them what they want and go and get it, I don't take them with me. Good on you for helping someone. Very sorry it turned out to be uncomfortable. ❤

But what could they have said that you couldn’t have said for yourself?

The cashier can’t have heard everything because she was busy, but you had the choice not to pay at all if you wanted to get away.

Most times, the shop staff will come over and move people on if they approach customers. If you engage with someone who has entered the shop and queue up with them for a drink, then the dynamics change and you become a pair of people who are customers, so the staff can’t move them on.

my children are older now but I wouldn’t have engaged with someone in this way in a coffee shop if they’d been small, even if my husband had been there. They would have likely sat down with me and the kids; it might have been difficult to dissuade them, you can’t be sure of the outcome with that so to me it’s not safe parenting. However I do buy warm drinks for people sitting on the street if they are sober and approachable, because it’s easier to get away quick if you need to in that situation.

There appears to be a swathe of victim-blamery in these responses.

I think that young man was spot on - and clearly very thoughtful.