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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really offended by what gp said?

167 replies

Moivoi · 04/01/2026 19:04

I had an emergency gp appointment as I was having extreme anxiety. 5 days of having anxiety at a 9/10 with no let up. Not even for a minute. Not able to eat. Bit scary for me as someone in recovery from an ED.

For context I am a high achieving, perfectionist with generalised anxiety disorder.

i see a psychiatrist monthly but haven’t seen a gp in years.

The emergency gp was perfectly nice but we started discussing what therapies I’ve had. At one point the gp said something like “you can get better. You won’t get a husband a child tomorrow and it will take time but you can get there”. Excuse me WHAT. At no point had I mentioned that was what I am aiming for. It’s not. I’m looking for peace and self acceptance.

It hit a nerve cause when I turned 30 last year I did feel like I had let myself down by being single. I’m a conventionally attractive woman but have zero interest in dating so avoid it. I used to give myself a hard time for being avoidant when it came to dating.

But I’ve done A LOT of work and have definitely accepted I am on my own path and what will be will be. I can and will live a very fulfilling life as a single woman if that is what ends up happening. I’m not going to judge myself in relation to conventional timelines. I’ve actually found that to be really freeing.

I’m 31 now and certainly not pining for a husband and kids. What a weird assumption. I’ve seen my medical notes it does not mention anything about this. The GP really just took it upon herself to make this highly presumptive statement.

She’s a middle class, educated woman in her 40s and I think really missed the mark. Maybe if the go was from a different culture I could accept that she has different norms re what success for a woman looks like.

But I just was extremely offended. It took a lot of introspection to come to peace with being where I am.

OP posts:
haveaword · 05/01/2026 18:47

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 05/01/2026 12:48

This is really not the time and place to be questioning a poster’s need for a mental health appointment. You don’t know her. OP, ignore these silly comments.

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Well no I will call it out - we all know how hard it is to get GP appointments

The client has had CBT before apparently and they should refer back to the work they did then and use the techniques they learned or refer back to that service.

GPs have so little time to accurately assess MH issues compared to primary care MH services who can offer a much longer appointment to do so. Unless they OP was seeking medication review - which again is not an emergency

Its not helpful to view their anxiety as an emergency either as it’s a disproportional appraisal of what they are experiencing - which the OP has insight into re their reference to perfectionism etc.

Newyearawaits · 05/01/2026 18:46

2026budgetmum · 04/01/2026 19:10

I don’t think she meant badly it was more of a casual comment she might have thought was relatable for your age group but I understand why it hurt you.

This but I think you are over thinking OP.
I hope you start to feel better soon

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2026 18:43

Isekaied · 05/01/2026 15:23

I think YABU.

Obviously the GP hit a nerve for it to affect you so much.

Personally like above. I would have been bemused and just thought the GP was a little odd.

I think the fact that you took it to heart so much and are still reflecting on it is a little over the top personally.

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well yes it isn't a typical response to over think it so much, but op has anxiety and under professional mental health support. her thinking and feelings don't need to be typical for them to be valid, and the comment was inappropriate whether op laughs or off or dwells on it for a decade!

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2026 18:40

ProfessorRizz · 04/01/2026 20:11

i wonder if the GP was trying to illustrate the point that you don’t have to have it all ‘worked out’ by your early 30s? She just expressed it clumsily.

Do you often take things to heart, or perhaps miss the ‘meaning’ of comments? Coupled with your controlling parents, your comments about GAD etc., makes me think that you might benefit from an ASD/ADHD assessment.

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op didn't miss the meaning. the Dr was very clear and op clearly understood her. as evidenced by the number of people on here agreeing the comment was not appropriate.

haveaword · 05/01/2026 18:36

ruethewhirl · 05/01/2026 13:23

How is it unrealistic to suggest that these things would not have been said to OP if she wasn’t a woman? I’d say it was eminently realistic.

But that’s CBT all over, going by my own experiences and things I have heard from others. Making out that the patient is the problem and just needs to stop being a silly billy.

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In this ABC situation the client is not the problem the client is having an emotional reaction to something that was insensitive and unprofessional- it actually happened

CBT would not blame the clients response.

haveaword · 05/01/2026 18:32

ruethewhirl · 05/01/2026 14:45

How not, when the patient is told that it is their own thinking that is causing the problem?

Edited
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Anxiety can be driven by irrational biased thoughts that reside within the client OR it can be objectively rational and entirely substantiated by facts

There is always an understandable reason for the biased thinking

haveaword · 05/01/2026 18:29

Glowingup · 05/01/2026 11:50

How the fuck do you know she wasn’t at risk of harming herself? I doubt you work in mental health and if you do, you really shouldn’t if you have the view that anxiety is never an emergency.

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I don’t know - she didn’t say that in their post.

Anxiety alone is not an emergency

Lifelover16 · 05/01/2026 17:53

Glowingup · 05/01/2026 08:33

So? Why does it matter if the OP might on some level actually want a family (but has decided it’s not possible)? That doesn’t make it remotely okay for the GP to say what she did.

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Maybe the GP was wondering if it linked to the OPs anxiety?

IDidBegin · 05/01/2026 16:20

IDidBegin · 05/01/2026 14:19

OP,
Im not sure that it’s the best idea to start a thread on Mumsnet AIBU if you are experiencing extreme anxiety. Even posters who mean well may be saying the wrong kind of thing and making you feel worse - basically doing the same thing as the GP you are asking about. Throw in the fact that there may well be posters that don’t have your best interests at heart then AIBU is a dangerous place!

OP, would it make you feel any better if you let the doctor know that her comment upset you? It need not be an angry complaint, you could just let her know that she upset you. I’d ask people if they are going to have kids but plenty of people think it’s ok.

BTW Why do you think she said it? Do you think she intended to upset you? Do you think she genuinely believes that no one is complete unless they have a partner and child?

Ugh too late to edit my own post but I meant to say I’d NEVER ask if someone was going to have kids etc

Isekaied · 05/01/2026 15:23

Moivoi · 04/01/2026 20:03

Why do you feel it necessary to police my feelings? I felt what I felt as someone with an anxiety disorder. I genuinely have accepted I am on my own path. I will literally ruin my life by comparing myself to others. It’s been incredibly freeing.

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I think YABU.

Obviously the GP hit a nerve for it to affect you so much.

Personally like above. I would have been bemused and just thought the GP was a little odd.

I think the fact that you took it to heart so much and are still reflecting on it is a little over the top personally.

HelmholtzWatson · 05/01/2026 15:18

ruethewhirl · 05/01/2026 14:45

How not, when the patient is told that it is their own thinking that is causing the problem?

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it's their own irrational thinking that's casing the problem. This is the very definition of a mental illness. It doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with the patient, any more than there is something "wrong" with a cancer patient - they are both just illnesses that need to be treated.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/01/2026 14:51

This is entirely the GPs issue not yours. It's a silly assumption and shows you she is narrow minded. If it were me I'd think 'silly bitch' and forget it, I think your emotional response seems a bit extreme and is probably your anxiety talking.

ruethewhirl · 05/01/2026 14:45

HelmholtzWatson · 05/01/2026 14:32

CBT does not make out that "the patient is the problem" so yes you do need to stop being a silly billy.

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How not, when the patient is told that it is their own thinking that is causing the problem?

HelmholtzWatson · 05/01/2026 14:32

ruethewhirl · 05/01/2026 13:23

How is it unrealistic to suggest that these things would not have been said to OP if she wasn’t a woman? I’d say it was eminently realistic.

But that’s CBT all over, going by my own experiences and things I have heard from others. Making out that the patient is the problem and just needs to stop being a silly billy.

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CBT does not make out that "the patient is the problem" so yes you do need to stop being a silly billy.

IDidBegin · 05/01/2026 14:19

OP,
Im not sure that it’s the best idea to start a thread on Mumsnet AIBU if you are experiencing extreme anxiety. Even posters who mean well may be saying the wrong kind of thing and making you feel worse - basically doing the same thing as the GP you are asking about. Throw in the fact that there may well be posters that don’t have your best interests at heart then AIBU is a dangerous place!

OP, would it make you feel any better if you let the doctor know that her comment upset you? It need not be an angry complaint, you could just let her know that she upset you. I’d ask people if they are going to have kids but plenty of people think it’s ok.

BTW Why do you think she said it? Do you think she intended to upset you? Do you think she genuinely believes that no one is complete unless they have a partner and child?

ruethewhirl · 05/01/2026 13:23

HelmholtzWatson · 05/01/2026 11:08

"Ellis believes that it is not the activating event ( A ) that causes negative emotional and behavioral consequences ( C ) but rather that a person interprets these events unrealistically and therefore has an irrational belief system ( B ) that helps cause the consequences ( C )."

In this thread:

(A) the activating event is the GP comment
(B) the belief system "I don't want a partner/children"
(C) The consequences are the OP gets emotional, starts a thread on mumsnet, etc.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Show quote history

How is it unrealistic to suggest that these things would not have been said to OP if she wasn’t a woman? I’d say it was eminently realistic.

But that’s CBT all over, going by my own experiences and things I have heard from others. Making out that the patient is the problem and just needs to stop being a silly billy.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 05/01/2026 12:48

haveaword · 05/01/2026 11:41

Yes thanks I work in mental health

Anxiety is not an emergency

I agree it can be severe and debilitating but does not warrant an emergency appointment unless they were at risk of harming themselves there is no emergency

The GP comment was wholly insensitive

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This is really not the time and place to be questioning a poster’s need for a mental health appointment. You don’t know her. OP, ignore these silly comments.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 05/01/2026 12:40

I think her comment is really rude and personal (and presumptuous!) so I’m not surprised you’re miffed. Few people want to get into a disagreement with their GP so I understand you not saying anything and silently wondering if what she said was ok, but it really wasn’t.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 05/01/2026 11:56

haveaword · 05/01/2026 08:48

I can’t get past an emergency appointment for anxiety?

It’s not an emergency what exactly was the risk?

Really? REALLY? Fuck me. Have a word with yourself (did you see what I did there?🤣)

But seriously.....your knowledge of extreme anxiety must be zero

Glowingup · 05/01/2026 11:50

haveaword · 05/01/2026 11:41

Yes thanks I work in mental health

Anxiety is not an emergency

I agree it can be severe and debilitating but does not warrant an emergency appointment unless they were at risk of harming themselves there is no emergency

The GP comment was wholly insensitive

Show quote history

How the fuck do you know she wasn’t at risk of harming herself? I doubt you work in mental health and if you do, you really shouldn’t if you have the view that anxiety is never an emergency.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 05/01/2026 11:47

At one point the gp said something like “you can get better. You won’t get a husband a child tomorrow and it will take time but you can get there”

If anyone, let alone a GP, said this to me, unsolicited, I would rip them a new one. Seriously.....complain to as many people as you can, if the comment was made with no leading question from you.

SardinesOnButteredToast · 05/01/2026 11:45

mzpq · 04/01/2026 19:59

But I’ve done A LOT of work and have definitely accepted I am on my own path and what will be will be. I can and will live a very fulfilling life as a single woman if that is what ends up happening. I’m not going to judge myself in relation to conventional timelines. I’ve actually found that to be really freeing.

If this were true, surely you'd be 'rather bemused' and not 'extremely offended'??

You have no idea how hard this person has worked to get this far. Suggesting that she clearly hasn't got that far because they feel upset at an inappropriate and unhelpful comment from a health care professional is just wildly off. Well done OP for the work. It sounds like your current goals are superbly sensible. May I wish you every possible happiness on your quest to find peace.

haveaword · 05/01/2026 11:41

snoopymug · 05/01/2026 09:19

Really? Do you have an understanding of what debilitating anxiety is?

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Yes thanks I work in mental health

Anxiety is not an emergency

I agree it can be severe and debilitating but does not warrant an emergency appointment unless they were at risk of harming themselves there is no emergency

The GP comment was wholly insensitive

Daygloboo · 05/01/2026 11:14

Rosscameasdoody · 05/01/2026 09:51

Jesus wept. Tell me you have no experience of mental health issues without telling me……

One of the first things you are asked on reporting any kind of mental health issue is whether you have any thoughts of self harm/harming others or taking your own life. You are asked about any support systems you have in place and whether there is anyone who presents any kind of threat or fear for you. Treatment/therapy isn’t usually immediately available so you are given phone numbers and other contact details of organisations who can help in an emergency in the meantime. Those who are in the system and being treated are also provided with the means to access emergency help in a crisis, but like everything else, provision is patchy because the system is over subscribed..

Anxiety/depression don’t present as stable conditions and no two people are affected in the same way. When you reach crisis point self harm/risk to others or even suicide become very real possibilities and the absolute priority is ensuring help is available during such times. That’s the reality for many people and obtaining emergency help can be the difference between life and death.

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Well done poster. Absolutely.

MyDeftDuck · 05/01/2026 11:09

Cantlivelikethisanymoree · 05/01/2026 10:10

For goodness sake, do you really think that is the best use of a GPs time after making just a slightly clumsy statement?

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Yes actually, and what constructive pearls of wisdom do you have to offer to the OP?