Men still have the control, how is this ok?

Only 15% of single parent households are headed by men. Of those an even smaller percentage will be headed by men who's female partner upped and left abdicating all responsibility for their children, as oppose to dying, becoming ill, sacrificing having them reside with her because she believed it in their interests, or maintaining contact and financial responsibility.
When we discuss these issues, and identify problems, we don't consider every single case ever. We look at patterns and trends. The occasional case that goes against the grain doesn't stop it from being a pattern.
Leaving ones children and failing to support them is a male patterned behaviour. We have to acknowledge that so we can explore why it happens.

Love that-but not the arseholes, obviously.

Probably like 'greatness' - some are born that way, some become that way, and some have it thrust upon them (Malvolio in Twelfth Night)

Are arseholes always apparent or can they develop through time?

CMS really is useless. Parliament granted it the power to impose quite a lot of sanctions that could be brought to bear on the non-resident parent but it simply can't be arsed.

Higher tax for all men - this is their ‘community fund’ that they collectively pay into to acknowledge that many of their kind shirk their responsibilities.

Agree. They are often extremely skilled at pretending.

I often remember how XP would come over every weekend and clean the kitchen while I was bathing DS1 (not his, we got together when he was a toddler). He was the one to teach DS1 how to ride a bike. Constantly talked about his deep seated longing for kids.

Then we had DS2 together, and subsequently split up. He has never- just as one example- tried to teach DS2 to ride a bike. He never does anything with DS2 on his weekends- DS2 spends every single weekend at his glued to a screen.

He was just very, very good at pretending. When he got what he wanted he didn't need to bother any more.

The CMS are an utter joke
They should be renamed the Absent Parent Support Service. The paying parent can spin them any old yarn and it’s accepted at face value whereas the resident parent has to produce a dossier of evidence similar to a murder trial to even get some them to agree to an “investigation” that inevitably ignores it all all anyway

We don't disagree 👍

Personal security....

I would say that, talking on a societal scale, men very very much still hold an unfair advantage when it comes to fair division of domestic and parenting labour.

Well aren’t you both clever girls @Boomer55 @herefortheclicks
Your posts are rather smug and also show little insight into just how some abusive men unfurl a complex and incredibly well thought out out campaign of control and domination upon women that is taken to a whole different level and gradually exposed once children are in the picture.
it can literally happen to anyone so please don’t imply that all women in difficult positions because of backing the wrong horse are nitwits blinded by desperation and raging hormones.

Can you name four of your son's mates?
When did you last drive your son to an extracurricular activity?
What size shoes does he wear?
When was his last dentist appointment, and who booked it?
What are his plans post- 16, and was it you taking him to all the open days/ talking through his plans/ badgering him to get all the applications in in time?

I think the fight for a world in which women are treated equally has had many successes thanks to the work of women who went before us. But you're right it's far from over.
What you can do will be personal and depend on your circumstances. But things like speaking out and challenging these attitudes, having conversations with people where you give another view helps. As does supporting and uplifting other women whenever you get the chance.
You can donate to causes furthering women's rights or get involved with projects to benefit women and girls. You can use your vote to support candidates who seem to have an interest in women's issues. You can lobby your MP if you spot an injustice in law. You can complain formally when you encounter sexist attitudes in organisations. You can join feminist groups.
You won't change the world on your own, but we are 50% of the population, so if we all do a little then we can be a powerful force.

Mine went on a fitness drive, started taking TRT, and completely changed personality - became cold and hard, sex was painful and rough and left me in tears more than once, then he started sleeping with anyone (male or female) who'd let him.

Not sure how I could have predicted that TBH.

No, it's not.

No matter what the circumstances before the split, they start at a presumption of 50/50 for a start. They prioritise contact over everything else, but don't enforce it (for obvious reasons), so the non-resident parent (>90% of the time male) can have 50/50 agreed in the courts, then just not turn up, and all the resident parent can do is spend more money going back to court.

If a father wants contact, he will get it, and largely on his own terms. And if the mother tries to do anything about that, she will be sanctioned for it.

And since he was paying maintenance, can we assume he wasn't 50/50 responsible for their care?

'had to do the travelling' - so when they split, sounds like he didn't stay close to them himself?

And his son didn't want to come and see him after they moved? Well. I know that if I moved, my son would come and visit me.. sounds like he needed to work harder on that relationship.

It's impossible to know the circumstance, but, I've often considered moving back to be closer to family so I had someone (reliable) who could take the kids every now and then when I needed to do something, or to look after them after school once a week so I had an hour or two's breathing space between work and school runs. Or perhaps she had a fantastic job offer? Is he saying that he wouldn't move if he got a great job offer (because I see plenty of fathers on here that do)

My son is the resident parent. His daughter does not see her mother who is an alcoholic, abusive, drug taking waste of space. Cms have been useless. It's shitty parents that are the problem and the shitty parent is not always the mother.

If you seriously want something to be done about this as women then write to you MPs, MSPs, Sennedd deputies, councillors, prospective candidates REGARDLESS of their or your personal prejudices and demand something be done. Write is a manner appropriate to the known leanings of the party. If labour, about how a useless CMS is hobbling women from achieving greatness, if Tory how deadbeat dad's are letting the country down, if Reform picture of a spitfire and union jack and how innocent English virgins have been despoiled by foreign invaders - whatever.

Or sit back a day Bad men , yah, men are bad, bastard men , yah yah yah.

You mean women who have kids with abusive men? Well, that’s complicated, because abusers are often truly lovely until they have the woman trapped.

There have been some terrible stories on here about the lengths that some men will go to in order to pay the bare minimum or absolutely nothing to their ex-wives/partners for the children that they have fathered.

They hide assets, resign from their jobs, put everything in their new partner's name, including their businesses/companies, work for cash in hand and don't declare any income.

It's ridiculous how all this behaviour seems just to be accepted by CMS and HMRC without any questioning or investigation.

All my kids were planned, by both of us, Mine are now older and I have told them "only have kids if you are prepared to bring them up alone, things change and you could be left to do it all." Also to the sons, the same plus how they step up from conception their needs do not come first.

I completely agree and yes the arguments trying to shame women from speaking up are infuriating. In dealing with a man in a cms context I have seen exactly how much sexism is tolerated and encouraged in our society. A man is not shamed into accepting what is unfair, but a woman is. And that’s before all the ‘my ex goes on 52 holidays a year with the £20 a month CMS’ stories.

If you don't want kids, why marry for security?

Is that really true re courts though?