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Original poster

To think husband needs to adjust hit attitude to his parents

84 replies

Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:28

My DH is an only child. He’s quite highly strung. And in many ways the stereotypical example of an only child. When we got together he wasn't close to his parents, I'm not close to many, but I remember saying to him the way he spoke to his parents was horrific when they were trying to be helpful. A year ago they moved from
2 hours away from us to 5 mins away on foot so we’re a lot closer to them. Every time we see them or go over to theirs DH gets frustrated by something usually he disagrees with how they've done something (they have a habit of doing things randomly, or in a strange order of events) ultimately causing more friction for us. Inlaws are 80s and slowing down so a lot is falling to us currently. But he can’t voice irritations rationally, he just f’s and blinds and walks off.

OP posts:
LucyMonth · 04/01/2026 17:20

Absolutely nothing about this seems anything whatsoever to do with being an only child.

The stereotype of only children is lonely, antisocial and/or spoilt, selfish, overindulged. Being sent to boarding school at 6 hardly screams “spoiled only children”.

Northernparent68 · 04/01/2026 17:19

Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:32

@SpaceRaccoon he’s helpful and caring but lacks politeness or ability to bite his tongue which he does get from MIL.

Well your mil is to blame then

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 17:13

@Snorlaxo he’s not ND. He’s very kind to our dogs, and his friends and generally towards his parents, he's always been great with DD.

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Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 17:11

@MadamCholetsbonnet yes he has. As have I on my relationship with my own parents (my own are a nightmare and I have minimal
contact with them).

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Snorlaxo · 04/01/2026 17:10

I hope that he’s not a parent and that he’s kind to your dog.

Being overly rigid is usually considered a sign of ND rather than parenting on here.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 04/01/2026 17:09

Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 17:04

@UneAnneeSansLumiere I’m 100% sure his parents don't demand it. We could be walking the dog by, or driving to the supermarket and he’ll suggest swinging in.

Ah. In that case, I would suggest asking him head on why he goes. As others have said, he may feel a need to be 'a good son' despite disliking and resenting his parents. He should put much more distance between them, but he may feel guilt oddly enough because he doesn't like them very much. If he liked them better, it might be easier to draw boundaries.

Piglet89 · 04/01/2026 17:09

luckylavender · 04/01/2026 16:51

I find you saying he is stereotypically an only child quite offensive and quite lazy thinking

As an only child with an only child, I do too.

pinkyredrose · 04/01/2026 17:09

luckylavender · 04/01/2026 16:51

I find you saying he is stereotypically an only child quite offensive and quite lazy thinking

Op is only talking about her husband. Do you have an only child or are you one?

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 17:08

@Createausername1970 i’m fully supportive of him backing off, but he actively visits/wants to visit without being asked to. He invited them to stay at ours for 3 days at Xmas as they do every year, not one argument. It never happens when they're at ours. It's always at theirs, because he disagrees with the way they've done something. Today was about how his dad put shelves up.

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MadamCholetsbonnet · 04/01/2026 17:07

Has DH had any counselling?

I had an ex who carried huge amounts of bitterness and anger towards his family after he was sent to boarding school young (where he was horribly abused)

His feelings are understandable but it seems that he would benefit from dealing with them differently.

Createausername1970 · 04/01/2026 17:05

Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:57

@Dunnocantthinkofone i’m not asking him to be cheerful. I'm asking him to not throw a hissy fit and swear about minor things every time he is there. He takes it upon himself to go over regularly. No one asks him or expects it.

Give him "permission" not to go there.

He probably feels he has to be something he isn't and just can't manage to be. The conversations you have been having are around him changing how he feels/his behaviour and it's not working. Try conversations around it being OK to back off.

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 17:04

@UneAnneeSansLumiere I’m 100% sure his parents don't demand it. We could be walking the dog by, or driving to the supermarket and he’ll suggest swinging in.

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UneAnneeSansLumiere · 04/01/2026 17:01

Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:57

@Dunnocantthinkofone i’m not asking him to be cheerful. I'm asking him to not throw a hissy fit and swear about minor things every time he is there. He takes it upon himself to go over regularly. No one asks him or expects it.

Ah, ok. If his parents don't demand that he constantly goes over, he should dial back on the visits. Are you sure they don't pressure him to go over?

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:57

@Dunnocantthinkofone i’m not asking him to be cheerful. I'm asking him to not throw a hissy fit and swear about minor things every time he is there. He takes it upon himself to go over regularly. No one asks him or expects it.

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Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:55

@luckylavender It's somethings he's said himself many times.

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Dunnocantthinkofone · 04/01/2026 16:54

So his parents weren’t there for him when he was SIX
The resentment and pain that must have caused is a damn good reason for a lack of closeness now. And I’m sure a fair degree of frustration that he is now expected to run around after them in their dotage. AND to be cheerful about it
Yabu to expect that imo

luckylavender · 04/01/2026 16:51

I find you saying he is stereotypically an only child quite offensive and quite lazy thinking

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:46

@snowbaw ultimately I think this is what's happened.

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snowbaw · 04/01/2026 16:44

It’s seriously going to damage your relationship for life if you send a 6 year old to boarding school. He must have a huge amount of resentment.

My dad was sent to boarding age 8 and his relationship with my GPs never recovered. He felt like he never had real parents.

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:38

@snowbaw their jobs, where they were located and lack of decent schools.

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snowbaw · 04/01/2026 16:37

Why did they send him away to school at age 6? That’s going to damage any relationship with them. Imagine sending away a 6 year old ☹️

Greenwitchart · 04/01/2026 16:37

You did not experience your DH's childhood so you have no idea of what his parents were really like when he was dependent on them...

If your partner is a decent and loving individual but somehow cannot stand his parents I would think that there is some history and possibly good reasons as to why.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 04/01/2026 16:36

I feel bad for him, he probably doesn't want them living so close. Is moving an option?

Peardroop · 04/01/2026 16:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Isit2026yet · 04/01/2026 16:36

JLou08 · 04/01/2026 16:33

If he treats you well and is respectful of others, I'd be wondering about what he experienced as a child that has led to this. I'm not sure you should be pushing it, there could be some significant trauma that has left him feeling angry with his parents.

@JLou08 he does, and I think there is. Which I understand, I have a bad relationship with my own parents. Yet I bite my tongue.

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