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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday gift that I really don’t want…

86 replies

Thingsthatgo · 04/01/2026 16:27

It’s a big birthday for me this year - I quite like my birthday usually, and don’t mind a bit of a fuss, but my ideal celebration would be with DH and our children going to a show with a night in a hotel.
My PIL and I have a fairly scratchy relationship, but we tolerate each other and try to keep things friendly. Over Christmas they announced to everyone that their big birthday gift to me is a holiday for all of us in Europe, including my BIL, all staying together in one house, travelling there together in one minibus, for a week. It really is my idea of hell. If it were for DH’s birthday, and he really wanted to go, I would try and suck it up for his benefit. But I am finding it extra grating that it is my birthday gift, and it is the last thing I want to do with my annual leave.
AIBU? How do I say thanks, but no thanks?

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 04/01/2026 16:37

I think you do need to act fast as from their POV they probably think they are being generous. They might want the holiday anyhow of course.

You can get DH to talk to them and say "awkward.but I have already booked OP a trip at that time myself, and she doesn't know about it so don't discuss with her..

Plus tbh not really sure it's her thing. Tell you what, why don't you and BIL go anyhow and just get OP a token present, she really likes these chocolates/ perfume/ etc".

You'd have to accept only getting a smaller gift from them but sounds like it'd be worth it?

FuzzyWolf · 04/01/2026 16:37

They just want to go on holiday and are pretending it’s a birthday gift for you.

I’d tell them that your annual leave is already accounted for so you can’t get the time off.

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 04/01/2026 16:35

They announced that you and your dh have to take time off work and spend money (on food and whatnot) on something that benefits them?

I would get dh to message them and say he had already booked something for you and the kids so you can't attend, and leave him to argue about it with them.

A gift doesn't include an expectation of someone's time and finances.

I would also start giving them gifts that I would like instead of what they would like, they started it.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/01/2026 16:35

So have they booked it already? Dates blocked out? Such a shame you won't be allowed leave that week so your DH will have to go on his own and you'll look forward to hearing about it when they get back!

SparklyGlitterballs · 04/01/2026 16:31

Ugh! How awful. That would have been my idea of hell too. Can you talk it over with your DH first and then sell it as above, that you already have holiday plans this year and not enough AL to take a second break as it's all allocated for school holiday cover etc?

Please tell us their holiday isn't already booked and paid for and can't be cancelled. Worse still, don't let it be over your actual birthday.

Definitely get your DH to be the one telling them it's not going to be possible.

RandomMess · 04/01/2026 16:31

DH could go with the DC whilst you do lots of things you want to do with friends/your family?

gerispringer · 04/01/2026 16:30

Shame you’ve already planned a holiday for your AL…

gamerchick · 04/01/2026 16:29

I think you can comfort yourself that your birthday is just an excuse for them wanting a holiday.

Hand it over to your bloke. Tell him you're not doing it and he can deal with them.

LeeshaPaper · 04/01/2026 16:29

Edit: you can say "I don't have the leave available to do that" if you don't want to lie. Because that's the truth - the leave you have, you don't want to do that!!

RandomMess · 04/01/2026 16:28

Thank them for the offer but it’s not something you want to do for your birthday. Better still get DH to tell them?

LeeshaPaper · 04/01/2026 16:28

Just say you can't get the leave/already have days off booked

It sounds like my idea of hell too