Birthday gift that I really don’t want…

I have a big birthday too and this would be my idea of hell. We have just done 10 days abroad with dh's family and I told him on day 3 that I would never do this again and he had bloody better not ask. I'd tell them straight that this is not what you want for a birthday present and whilst a generous gift you would be declining. However I value my sanity above family relations. If that isn't you I'd just say you can't get the annual leave so must decline.

What?? You’re going to say no?? Go. Live your best life. A show and night away can be done on a Saturday night.

Lifes about living. Not finding the negative in everything. Worst case they’ll annoy you. Best case you might have a good time.

Anyone who books a holiday without checking dates are convenient real really, really not be encouraged or have their plans rewarded with any kind of success

I would ask DH to steer them towards your ideal celebration which would be going to a show with a night in a hotel.

100% send your DH with the kids and enjoy the time alone. Don’t feel your DH has the right to ‘not fancy it’ when it’s his parents who did this. Your ILs have thick skin, yours needs to be thicker.

I did it once with my parents in law. I said I wouldn't but I relented because I knew it was my mother in laws dream. I absolutely wouldn't travel with anyone. I would work in days when you don't do anything together...as many as you like. Having said that, if you don't want to it's absolutely fine to say you don't want to. They definitely shouldn't have booked it without a conversation. For me, that's off the scale controling but maybe they were trying to do something nice for you?

I would be saying that you don't have any more leave left to take. Unless they are the type of people who would then try and defer until next year. In which case I think you (or ideally your husband) would need to say something that is closer to the truth which is that you don't want to go.

It's a tricky one!!! Fundamentally though you are not unreasonable to not want to go.

I agree with this. Also I don’t think it was really for your birthday. I think he wanted to do it anyway and has framed it as for your birthday! I’d message saying,” that’s a lovely thought and I appreciate the sentiment, but I wouldn’t have enough annual leave to do that, and I’m planning on doing something else for my birthday with husband and the kids. But I hope you all have a great time. “

Over Christmas they announced to everyone that their big birthday gift to me is a holiday for all of us in Europe, including my BIL, all staying together in one house, travelling there together in one minibus, for a week.

Christmas was over a week ago-what did you say at the time?

this really isn’t for you, OP. It’s their plan that they are dressing up as being for you. It’s their holiday and just happens to be near your birthday.
im assuming they didn’t run it by your husband either as he doesn’t want to go?
is it already booked?
I firmly believe that people should get to do what they want to do on their birthday.

I think this is for your DH to deal with on the basis that you aren’t going to go. If he won’t then honesty really is the best policy - tell them thanks but no thanks. No excuses, don’t blame leave availability (in case they just change the dates to ones you can do….) just - thanks for thinking of me but no thanks and hope you all enjoy yourselves in the Minibus of Hell.

They being annoyed with you is no better or worse than you being annoyed with them, and you’re not the ones who’s imposed anything on anyone.

Are they the type of people that say things like that but never actually would see it through? Good that your DH doesn’t want to go either, at least you can both make excuses about annual leave from work and hopefully put an end to it. Very odd gift for a PIL to give.

That's about them, not your birthday.
I don't think it is ever a genuine gift, imposing on someone's personal time like that.
Perfectly reasonable to say thanks but no thanks.
Your husband needs to 100% back you on this.

I agree with this.

They don't seem to worry about you being annoyed with them.

Just get your husband to have a word and say it is too much and you were planning your own holiday just the 4 of you and you cant get two lots of annual leave off.

I'd just be honest with them in the kindest way you can. For me I'd thank them for thinking of me and explain as an introvert I find trips with so many people stressful and difficult to manage so I wouldn't be coming, but that you'd be supportive of your DH and kids going if they'd like to. I'd keep reiterating how appreciative I was of the offer. I have had to do similar when gifted a cooking course- a lovely idea but the idea felt nothing more than stressful to me- so I asked the recipient to please use it instead. If you aren't honest about your feelings I think a similar gift might come around in the future to make up for the fact you 'weren't able to come last time!'

Say it however it comes out. There’s no need to worry too much about the feelings of people who are happy to use you to get what they want. They have put you in a difficult position, they deserve to have it turned back on them.

If this were my in-laws, going on something like this would ruin any semblance of polite tolerance for the rest of our lives. It would be the worst thing for everyone involved and everyone's relationships.

Not really a gift for you is it; if everyone and the dog is invited, your Birthday is just the excuse and they wont have to get you anything else.

Advise as above, havent got the leave, aww thats so thoughtful, unfortunately I cant go (if the rest of them still want too, let them, including DH)

I'm astonished by this.

Why on earth should anyone do what they don't want to do? Just because they're the OP's husband's parents doesn't mean they get to dictate life events, especially if the OP doesn't want to go.

It's HER birthday.
She really doesn't want to go.
People shouldn't book things and announce them to others as a fait accompli.

God that sounds hellish.

I would get DH to explain that it wasn’t something you could enjoy. If that’s not possible, then you will have to lie and say all your Annual Leave is accounted for (for the next ten years)

I think you should go.
You can have time apart whilst there.
They are your husband's parents