In-laws take our belongings

If they ask to borrow something then say ‘no, because you either won’t return it, or you make it really awkward when I ask for it back’. And don’t back down.

If you see your throw in SiL’s house then take it back, there and then and ask her if you’re going to have to start doing bag searches every time she leaves your house.

Issue them with an itemised hire charge bill and your bank details.

Change MiL’s name to Fagin and SiL’s name to Dodger in your phone and don’t try and hide it from them if either of them call. If one of them calls your DH, ask ‘who’s that? Fingers McGee?’ in hearing distance.

If either of them ask you to shopping, laugh and tell them that you’re not getting a police caution because of their light fingers.

Go to their house and steal things. Their toothbrushes if you know which one belongs to them. One shoe. Your SiL’s hairbrush. The washing up liquid. The tv remote. Nothing valuable, but things that will cause them maximum inconvenience, so they start to learn how it feels to have someone take things from them.

Get cross, ask what the fuck is wrong with them that they think stealing from people is acceptable, and tell them they are no longer welcome in your home and if you find one more thing is missing, you’ll call the police. Tell DH that if he lets either of them through the door then you will leave him and marry someone whose family don’t steal your things.

I once dated someone like this. We’d got to the stage where we were talking about potentially living together and how it would work, and he mentioned something about his brother coming round. Only days earlier, he’d told me that his brother had stolen all their mum’s jewellery, his game consoles, his sister’s phones etc, and yet he still expected me to have this man come into my home. I know jewellery and consoles and phones are obviously way more valuable than a throw etc, but it’s still taking something that you know belongs to someone else. We did not end up living together. Your DH might be used to it if he’s grown up with it but, to you, she’s no different than a common thief.

Your SIL is a thief and your DH obviously has trouble standing up to her. Stop this nonsense now

I'd nanny-cam my house for every visit from Grab and Grabber! With audio. Then you can request everything back and confront. I'd also knock up some joking-but-not carbon copy iou slips/ receipts "because we've had some confusion as to whether things should be returned before" and start checking bags / ensuring they're escorted in your house.

The psychology is "because I want it" and they'll keep at it unless you make it too embarrassing and awkward for them to continue.

nah....embrace your pettiness!

Agree. Op what reason could they give that would be acceptable? I’d imagine quite a lot of men who commit dv do it for a reason ie terrible childhood but that doesn’t help their partner who has had a fist in her face.

Agree with others, they don’t come in the house.

I'm on the cusp of asking if I can dump some stuff there too... I hate binning things.

stand by the door when she leaves and ask what she has stolen this time? ask to look through her bags.

If she won't be searched? she is not allowed back.
Don't take anything to their houses?

just help yourself to their things? the more expensive and of sentimental value the better. Or something huge - "give me a hand with this armchair, i really like it"

Not helpful but are they Mrs and Miss Eileen Popovitch by any chance?https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1DnrSen8Xo/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Why would you allow someone into your home if you thought you had to shake them down before they left?

This.
No point being polite, they are thieves!

Good idea. You could dump all sorts of stuff.

You're going to have to shake them down every time they leave your house.

Agree with other posters, don't take stuff you don't want to lose to their house and don't encourage them into your house.

I would go one step further..... I would take stuff to theirs I no longer want and leave it there.

"SIL you have stolen my throws once again. Bring them back and don't come into my home again if you can't stop stealing from me."

Keep them away from your Hamster.

What the heck am I reading? Grow a spine, along with your husband, and don’t let these thieves (as that is what they are) back into your house. Pretty simple really. Your SIL is stealing your stuff. She is a thief. Stop enabling this frankly batshit behaviour and ban them from your house. Jeezo.

Let’s call a spade a spade - what they are doing is theft pure and simple. I would be fuming. I would not be permitting them in my home, and would respectfully tell them such and why so as to be crystal clear, as they obviously cannot be trusted.
If you have to meet then meet somewhere neutral or go to theirs being highly vigilant which also doesn’t sound much fun. If they have your belongings still, I would be providing them very clear instructions that you expect X,Y, and Z to be returned by X date otherwise you be reporting it to the police, because it is not their property, end of. And follow through on what you say.
I would also be telling my husband in no uncertain terms the same and expect that he has my back on this, he sounds very passive, why has he not called them out on this either?!

Stop letting them in your house
Stop lending them things
Stop going to their house. If you have to, make sure you leave nothing behind.

Sounds like its all based on jealousy or entitlement to me..either way you do not need to understand it OP they are theives and not to be trusted. Go get all your stuff back and be done with them. They wanna see you you meet in the local coffee shop or park not your home, which is supposed to be your safe space and sanctuary.

You'll need to create a secure entrance/exit rather like those airport gates. Maybe they can put their belongings on a tray for inspection.

You should not try to understand you should just take back your stuff! Why would understanding make it better?

Bless you, my dear. Different times, of course. Crowned heads falling all over Europe and Coutts no longer giving me credit for the gaming tables. Such is life.

I agree. So often on mumsnet I find myself thinking ‘just tell them fgs’
either the users here are unusually timid, or I’m a right gobby one!

This is the bizarre thread. I just can’t imagine the situation where someone either walks off with something from my house or I find something of mine in theirs ….and just say nothing. Surely at the very least you’ll be saying “urrrrm SIL why are you talking our throw?” Or “MIL this is my throw so I’ll be taking that home thanks”

The longer you tolerated it the longer it will continue. Mainly posting to check the replies as so intrigued how you have got to this stage!

So your ML or SL stole a Hamster once from a friend? What happened to the Hampster?
How did they manage to steal it?