In-laws take our belongings

Do you not notice her leaving with things like the throws?
If so, I’d say loudly, “What are you doing with those throws SIL? They are mine and belong here.”

This!! Everyone sounds soooo passive!

Some people take things belonging to other people as an attachment thing - they can't have you but they can have your throw. My nephew used to take our things and this was how it was explained to us by CAMHS. He wasn't stealing things he wanted as such - it was personal things of ours which he felt attached to because they mattered to us.

It's not easy to deal with. We were very open with him - we named what he was doing and tried to be vigilant but it's impossible with this sort of stealing as they will take literally anything, not obvious valuables.

I wouldn't invite them home and wouldn't visit them.

I would go to the coffee shop and see them outside homes.

Sounds frustrating. I would put your name on the label on some of the repeated items she takes so it can be easily seen as yours when you go around and therefore just take it back.

Is she someone who spends a lot of time seeing herself as the victim in life? If so, she may justify it to herself by saying you can afford it, have a better life than her, etc etc. Her mother obviously enables her and may even encourage her by backing her up when she sees herself as hard done by.

Who cares about the psychology behind it. How the hell are you not noticing two enormous throws being removed from your house multiple times? Are you not being passive yourself with that?

So theyre thieves.. firstly id stip lending them stuff and second id put the throws away for their visits.

Well I guess Xmas present sorted for SIL, give her the throw!

Fuck that. I wouldn't be buying any presents for people who steal stuff from my house.

Bizarre behaviour, really.

There is not a chance my sister in law would let me in my brothers house ever again if I had a habit of stealing their things! Be boundaried!

Don’t invite them to your home at all only meet in public or at their home

My goodness, you and DH need to stop being wet blankets and demand your stuff back!! Who gives a shit about the “tension” it causes.

Reverse it - "get into" things that you now they would hate, and let them clutter their home up with "awfull" things - charity shops is a good place to start lookin

Text- ‘please return my items and stop stealing them thank you’. Simple

Not read full thread - she is a kleptomaniac.

This. If they’re thieves don’t allow them in and if you visit them make doubly sure you don’t leave anything behind. It’s batshit.

Had a kleptomaniac friend at college - she would steal with absolutely no shame and her parents enabled it as something that we would all have to put up with. Even hunting down and taking back your belongings didn't elicit an apology and only refusing to have her visit our home put a stop to large scale swiping. We still have friends of friends although I don't see her socially anymore, and apparently she is still at it. A lot of people have tried to help her over the years, I would say unless someone with this compulsion receives professional help then the problem will continue. Keep these ladies out of your home and lay down the law hard and unbending with your (enabling) other half.

As long as they aren't helping themselves to the continuing story of Joseph Coggs, I guess.

This was my mother

Shes a rich narcissist and I was a skint single mum

If she took a liking to something,she'd just take it

Her attitude was 'I want that so I'm having It'

If you called her out on it,you'd get the (fake) tears and the wailing about how 'you buy better brands than I do'

If you pushed it and involved other people,she'd lie and twist things to make her look good and you in the wrong

It got to the point I was having to frisk her everytime she got past my front door-so she started getting my dc to pass things onto her

I solved it by going nc and anything I buy now doesn't grow legs and walk out of the house

Not normal behaviour. Are they jealous of you, or do they hate you?
They're treating you with contempt. Could you stop letting them in your house?

This isn’t about forgetfulness, it’s coveting. She wants the throw and taking it repeatedly suggests a power trip as much as desire. She’s testing boundaries because no one challenges her.
Does she show jealousy elsewhere? Is dominance a consistent trait for her?

They are rude, entitled and basically thieves.

Don't lend them anything any more if they see lending as ownership. Literally tell them why, "no I'm not lending that out because I know you won't want to give it back". Every time. They'll eventually stop asking.

Be more conscientious with your packing so you don't accidentally leave anything at theirs. If you think they're hiding your things during your stay deliberately so you forget to take it home with you, take a list of what you've packed down to the last tiny item and tick it off as you pack it for your return or better still, stay in a hotel.

If you see something at their house that's yours stop asking if you can take it back and just take it, don't give them the option of saying "no" as if it belongs to them and they have any say in it. They're being rude, if you meet that with niceness it'll be seen as weakness.

Firm and assertive is the way to go. It's your stuff and you're taking it back, it's not up for discussion and you don't need to justify why you want it back. It's yours, that's enough of a reason!

If they're taking, ie blatantly stealing, things from your house then don't invite them round. If they ask why tell them. It's not as if they don't know they're doing it.

Your partner is a wet lettuce accepting this behaviour from his family and needs to back you up in standing up to them over it. Otherwise you may as well get rid of him, because your entire life is going to be spent funding your in-laws if you don't.

Am with the others, if they can't be trusted, they cannot come into your home. Meet at MIL or a cafe/pub in future. That's infuriating and the aggression when you take it back is not acceptable. Not what you expect from adult family members.

Thank you! Quite right, too.