In-laws take our belongings

My in-laws aren’t short of money but seem to think that they can take anything of ours - usually mine more than anything! - and when I take it back get all pissy about it as “they are using that!” Yes so was I before you bloody stole it from me!! Coffee travel cups are the most annoying and frequent - we drive to their house and it’s a long drive and when I take the coffee cup in to the house to rinse out and then go looking for it 48 hours later to take on way home it’s completely disappeared and of course they haven’t a clue where it is. When I ask them on the phone if they have found it then they say yes and I ask them to post it me. Still nothing and then of course when we next visit I see the by now very well used coffee cup and say oh I have missed that and take it back and omg you would have thought I’d stolen something off THEM!! 😳😳 I just don’t understand it!!

Blagg them
> get somethin you hate - talk it up ... make/let them think you like it
they will look dumb when they get their own

Tell them straight. Taking our stuff isn't funny, it's theft and as a result we won't be inviting you into our home again. We will see you at your home or in other places. Make sure you have all your personal data do uments and passports etc in locked safe and have your locks changed. Ifnyou have children and they see their belongings stolen by family members and turning up elsewhere with no consequences...what message does that teach them ?

Why not just do what they do. Next time you stay take either an extra bag or suitcase with space in it and quietly pack your stolen items just before you leave. You're not stealing they are yours. Also you can get stamps ( on Amazon) with which you can mark all easily removed items with your name !!! You could make a point next time they visit by removing anything they are likely to take from the rooms they are staying in.
Good luck.

Tell them fucking stop it now - cheeky bastards and go no contact. This is fucked up and your husband needs to grow a set and put them both in their place. I would be fucking livid. What on earth gives them the right to just take things without asking - bang out of order. They have no boundaries. Nip it in the bud now!

I certainly would not be happy having them to visit. I would suggest meeting up on neutral territory. If they ask why tell them that you are fed up with the thefts and have taken some advice on home security from your local neighbourhood watch. Change locks if they have spare keys. This behaviour is disgusting and your husband should be supporting you, not them.

If you lend them a book, have your name and address written on the inside cover and ask them to not lend it to anyone else and to return it by same day next month.
Then write down the item on a list and have your partner collect it in a month.

Stop having them over to your home. If they ask why tell them the truth that you're fed up of them taking things. If that upsets them so be it. They don't seem to mind upsetting you by stealing your belongings. If you see something that belongs to you in their home simply pick it up & go put it in the car. Don't even mention it unless they do. It's very weird behaviour & needs to stop so be the one to stop it.

Outrageous! I judge people who don’t return my tupperware when I’ve been kind enough to give them food. Never let them in your house unsupervised. There will be things they take you are not aware of. Terrible behaviour.x

Just ban them. There is no justification possible for their behaviour.

Why don't you just lock all the doors when they come to visit?

This.

This would absolutely enrage me. They are thieves. I don't care if they are family, they wouldn't be welcome in my house again. I'd take everything that belonged to me back from their house without apologising (!) or asking and that would be it. It's such grubby and disgusting behaviour, I couldn't tolerate it. I'd be happy to be the one telling them why as well.

My absolute rage is raging! I cannot stand theft or thieves. We work hard to get what we have and then some entitled twat, worse that it is family, thinks they can come and take what you have worked for. I would have gone in on her the 1st time I saw the throw. Who does a 'whoops I took your blanket by mistake' It sounds like a ND control issue to me.

I wouldn’t let them in the house again. My concern is that if you ask to check bags, they will just get sneakier next time and, for example, stash a bracelet in a bra or similar.

Simple

“You cannot be trusted not to steal our things therefore you are not welcome in our home anymore”

Make sure you husband is on the same page. If they try and make you feel guilty reiterate it is their actions which has led to this consequence.

This

OP asked for some ideas behind the psychology - she didn’t ask to be told what to do.

She says in her OP "I’d appreciate any advice to address this". Granted this is not the same as being told what to do, but she is open to suggestions.

That Is extremely weird behaviour.

I appreciate this doesn’t answer the why, but I’m a petty so and so.
Why don’t you find identical items, such as the throw that ur SIL loves so much and gift it to them for birthdays etc.
You could just say, ‘well I know you liked mine so much, so I got you your own’

You need to tackle this on head first. Don’t worry if you are rude. I’d be asking to see in their bags before they go.

Buy yourself two new throws and give her the old ones for her birthday! Mention the fact that you bought 2 new ones for her but decided to keep them since she liked yours better.

Go round take it back and do not allow them in your home again. If they do come round set up a camera at the front of the house to check if go out to car during visit and start searching as they leave. Tell them if they take things again you will consider reporting the theft to police as that's essentially what it is.

I wrnt nc years ago and then moved away

Nothing has gone missing since

have you tried not becoming involved, just removing the object and leaving without discussion?