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AIBU?

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Original poster

To dislike my mil despite not wanting to dislike her?

60 replies

retun · 04/01/2026 12:10

It’s exhausting. I don’t want to dislike her, but I’m prone to rumination and after she’s said something stupid for the hundredth time I end up thinking about it nonstop.

I’d really like to be able to ignore her existence entirely, except for the times when I actually have to socialise with her.

Her latest comment was regarding my tipple of choice and how I ‘can put it away’. I do tend to drink more when in her company, funny that!

OP posts:
Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:30

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/01/2026 13:30

Just reply to her saying you what you said here "Yes, I always seem to drink more in your company. Funny, that."

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God can you imagine! The fall out would be absolutely crazy.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 04/01/2026 13:30

retun · 04/01/2026 13:15

I was drinking my second glass. Hardly ridiculous amount. She just likes putting me down but it’s all a ‘joke’

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Oh, well that's nothing. She is out of line.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/01/2026 13:30

retun · 04/01/2026 13:06

In a nasty way, she doesn’t really need to say anything at all.

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Just reply to her saying you what you said here "Yes, I always seem to drink more in your company. Funny, that."

Vaxtable · 04/01/2026 13:29

I would just say sorry did you mean to be so rude? Tilt head and let the silence roll

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:27

CurlewKate · 04/01/2026 13:24

She was surprised you were dieting because she doesn’t think you need to-is how you would interpret this if she wasn’t your mil.

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Hmmm. I think asking anyone that question is just plain weird.

She can see with her own eyes that I’m a healthy weight and no weight problems.

It was just a very strange question to be asked. I would never ask anyone that.

If she was surprised, she could have said ‘you do look good, but then I didn’t think you need to lose weight anyway!’

Best not to comment on people’s weight generally. Especially when they have a baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:25

MartinCrieffsHat · 04/01/2026 13:24

It's not necessarily the best answer to whatever she says, but it should cover most eventualities.

I read on here that sometimes the best thing to say is ‘pardon I missed that?’ so they have to repeat whatever horrible thing they said. Also means others in ear shot get a second chance to step in when it’s really bad

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 04/01/2026 13:24

retun · 04/01/2026 13:11

At a dinner one time, fil commented that I’d lost weight or something like that. I said thanks and that I’d been doing intermittent fasting. She said something like ‘do you have a weight problem then?’

I think I laughed awkwardly and ended up looking away/down at the table. I should have at least said ‘huh?’ and made her have to say it again.

I don’t even remotely have a weight problem either, I’m a size 10/12, 9.5 stone.

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She was surprised you were dieting because she doesn’t think you need to-is how you would interpret this if she wasn’t your mil.

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:24

She’s a typical ‘boy mum’ in a way

OP posts:
MartinCrieffsHat · 04/01/2026 13:24

It's not necessarily the best answer to whatever she says, but it should cover most eventualities.

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/01/2026 13:21

Threads like this make me grateful every single day that I don't have a MIL.

I think the idea of having to get along with them is an artificial construct to be honest. No one should care that much what their husband's mum thinks of them. Unless you're living under her roof or being supported by her you only have to be tolerably polite to her for a few days a year.

Just let it wash over you.

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:21

MartinCrieffsHat · 04/01/2026 13:20

Ask 'Why do you say that, MIL?' each time.

I need to remember to say this. Every single time.

OP posts:
MartinCrieffsHat · 04/01/2026 13:20

Ask 'Why do you say that, MIL?' each time.

Ariel896 · 04/01/2026 13:20

retun · 04/01/2026 13:15

I was drinking my second glass. Hardly ridiculous amount. She just likes putting me down but it’s all a ‘joke’

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Sounds exactly like my MIL. Constant irritating passive aggressive comments. So after 15 years I went NC with her. DH can deal with her. I highly recommend

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:19

I always think of things to say after the fact. Despite it happening regularly I still find it shocking.

OP posts:
HippoandtheScabbyBrats · 04/01/2026 13:17

retun · 04/01/2026 13:15

I was drinking my second glass. Hardly ridiculous amount. She just likes putting me down but it’s all a ‘joke’

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Bite back OP. 🙂

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:15

outerspacepotato · 04/01/2026 13:02

No, saying out loud what someone is actually doing isn't rude.

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I was drinking my second glass. Hardly ridiculous amount. She just likes putting me down but it’s all a ‘joke’

OP posts:
Cookiecrumblepie · 04/01/2026 13:14

You just don’t get on. It’s unrealistic for two random women from different generations to get on seamlessly just because one married the others son. Just get on with your life and bite back with something every time.

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:12

Dietday · 04/01/2026 13:05

See so little of her she ceases to matter.
Its most effective.

I try this throughout the year, unfortunately I’m shoved into her company at Christmas time

OP posts:
Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:11

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/01/2026 12:56

Can you give an example of her horrible comments because you haven't really so far?

At a dinner one time, fil commented that I’d lost weight or something like that. I said thanks and that I’d been doing intermittent fasting. She said something like ‘do you have a weight problem then?’

I think I laughed awkwardly and ended up looking away/down at the table. I should have at least said ‘huh?’ and made her have to say it again.

I don’t even remotely have a weight problem either, I’m a size 10/12, 9.5 stone.

OP posts:
Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:07

outerspacepotato · 04/01/2026 13:01

Maybe you've just hit your bitch eating crackers point where her just eating crackers would annoy you.

After a decade of it, I’m sure this is a massive factor!

Honestly I hate even thinking about it all. I genuinely wish I could just ignore completely.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 04/01/2026 13:07

OP, I get it. My MIL is very hard work. I stopped trying to force myself to like her years ago, because I've realised it's pointless. I can't help how I feel, and she's certainly not going to change. So we have a polite (on my side anyway) but distant relationship and although in an ideal world it would be nice if we were genuinely close, it's not going to happen.

ChopstickNovice · 04/01/2026 13:06

If I have learned one thing by getting older it's that often people comment without thinking, or say something just to have something to say. Just ignore her and try not to ruminate.

Original poster
retun · 04/01/2026 13:06

outerspacepotato · 04/01/2026 12:59

You drink more alcohol than usual around her, you say so yourself.

She's just stating the obvious.

In a nasty way, she doesn’t really need to say anything at all.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 04/01/2026 13:05

Of course “you can put it away” is unpleasant. It’s a bitchy little swipe, just innocuous enough to make OP look like the unreasonable one if she reacts. People like this are very good at calibrating their comments so they can make the target feel belittled and uncomfortable, but avoid any actual confrontation. Your instincts are fine OP, she is indeed a bit of a cow. You’ll get gaslit on MN by the “I can’t see it, you’re being oversensitive” brigade though.

Dietday · 04/01/2026 13:05

See so little of her she ceases to matter.
Its most effective.

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