Baby can’t nap while siblings are home

OP you need to teach your children consideration for others, including family members. They need to be quiet whilst the toddler is napping; explain that to them and make sure they are quiet - they need to do what you ask.

Christ OP I was expected 3&4 before you stated their ages.

8 & 10 can categorically have rules and do better than this.

My parents had this attitude. It didn't teach me to sleep through noise. I have memories from primary school being sent to bed and constantly woken up by household noise and lights from under the door. My mum always complained I was a poor sleeper since I was a baby.

I'm 37 and I need silence and total darkness to sleep. I sleep great.

If your kids can sleep through vacuuming and other noisy kids, it's luck, not a parenting achievement.

This!! My DS1 was 8 when DS2 was a baby. He would have faced serious consequences for repeatedly being noisy and clearly deliberately disturbing his brother.

And yes, you are going to have to police this. Send them to the toilet before nap time and after that they do not go upstairs. If they screech they lose favourite TV items. Time to get tough.

Do you do anything with them while the baby naps? Watch a movie, sit down and play with them or do an activity/craft? I probably would’ve baked the cookies WITH them while the baby slept, and no you can’t go upstairs for x,y,z.

So basically I’d first try a high amount of engagement and keeping them busy (mostly geared at the one that’s causing the issues) so they learn that the baby sleeping means fun and extra time with mum.

Then I’d also have some consequences in place if they keep doing it, especially deliberately.

PLEASE step up and parent your children!! This is why teachers are having such a hard time maintaining order for long enough to teach! Stop being such a drip 🙄

I think at 8 and 10 you need to sit them down and make this a family problem instead of just a you problem, lay out some rules and what will happen if they break them.
Set a visual timer, they go to the toilet and get anything from upstairs before nap time otherwise they don't get it until the timer is up.
I had a baby and a 3.5 year old and even she was able to grasp that her sister needed sleep and sleep time for her sister was quiet time for her. It's about learning to be considerate to those around you.
also get an Alexa for baby's room and play sleep jar white noise, it's loud enough to drown anything out.

What a shame you've only posted this as they are presumably returning to school, it's a wasted opportunity. They need parenting, children need boundaries and you need to set them and stick to them. No going upstairs for any reason, consequences for disobeying you every time. You've said there's a year between the eldest two so I assume the middle child is almost 9. They are behaving like toddlers yet are going to start with hormones soon and high school isn't too far away. You need to stamp this behaviour out immediately. There is no need to fetch emergency toys, go to the toilet that often or whatever other excuses they are making up. Call their bluff, get your baby a potty in anticipation of toilet training and make it available for 'emergencies' when baby is sleeping, I can guarantee it will never be used by the elder two and will eventually be needed one day for the youngest anyway. Two naps a day also sounds like too much now.

Does your baby only nap when there is absolute silence? Or with just white noise playing. It’s probably too late to get her used to sleeping with normal household noise about her. When my two were tiny they weren’t ever laid down to nap in almost absolute silence, I had music on, I did vacuuming etc. They soon learnt to be soothed by those noises. As for consequences- no screen time, no special treats like going out to the park etc.

Consequences for your older 2 and white noise machine for your youngest.

Agree with a PP who suggested a potty

Make them go for a last minute wee before naptime and if they are nonetheless desperate to go during naptime they can use the potty in a downstairs room with closed door. As pp says they may find they can hold it…

And if there is anything they genuinely need from upstairs, you get it not them.

'Don't wake the baby' is too vague an instruction. Firstly you need to lay down clear, easy to follow rules (designed to prevent them waking the baby).

For example, 'when Millie is having her nap you must stay downstairs'.

That's extremely clear and easy to follow.

If they break that rule they need a clear, easy to impose consequence. What that is will depend on your children and the setup of your home life. You will (or at least should!) know this better than any of us. It could be 'you lose your iPad for the rest of the day' or 'I won't take you riding on Saturday' or 'You won't be getting you pocket money this week'.

Have a few rules, all clear and easy to follow designed to keep them quiet.

At 8 and 10, I'd be coming down hard on them. They are more than old enough to understand being quiet for an hour and not waking the baby.

You are being too lenient and doing no one any favours long term. You're teaching them they are in some sort of competition for attention, that it's ok to bully the baby etc. Nip it in the bud.

It depends. Is the baby waking at the tiniest noise? Have you trained her to only sleep in dead silence?

If not, and the other two are making a racket - tell them off! If they are capable of watching tv for an hour to allow a nap when they want to, then they are capable of doing it before their sister goes down for a nap.

Why aren't you disciplining your kids?

Just spent a few days with family with a 1yr old and 3yr old and the 3yr old knew to be quiet/not go near the room when the baby was sleeping.

You seem to have guilt issues about having a baby. You need to get over those and discipline your older kids. They’re all part of a family and need to work together, making it not their problem makes them unpleasant and spoilt.

They probably want your attention. I would go for one nap a day. If they are noisy, you go in with the baby and if they are not noisy you spend the time doing something nice with them.

Seriously… she’s 8. That’s deliberate.

Explain to her simply that all the nice things planned are cancelled because when she does this mummy has zero time or energy to do anything with her.

I expected my (then) 3 year old to be considerate of the baby. He is wilful and boisterous and even he got it. Most of the time, if not always.

A 10yo and 8yo would get consequences, surely? I personally would be too busy and tired to take them on any special trips or anything else after that.

Yoto and screen time can both help on a day to day basis in the future though.

Keep going with the consequences, she’ll start learning. But imo they do need to be more immediate and concrete than this. Not baking hypothetical cookies later is a bit wishy washy.

This. What on earth are you going to do when they are teenagers?

Well that'll be none of them then, hence the OP not making the cookies, and the poor baby not being able to get the sleep she needs.

And smirking in particular needs punishing.

Rather than punish, I’d give a treat to any sibling who was capable of playing downstairs quietly while the baby is resting.