To feel protective of my house

No, it's ops thought 😂

I’d want to know what has happened since then. If he earns well has he built up savings he could contribute to buy into your property or another? What does he do with his salary, is he making regular maintenance payments for his child?

Of course he wants everything held in common, that’s part and parcel of marriage but doesn’t work so well when there’s a big discrepancy in assets. This is where it’s important to see marriage as the legal contract that it is, not just the next step in a relationship.

Why was that?

How often does he see his first child?

I think the answers to these questions will help you decide the best way forward.

You've obviously got doubts about this, and they've come from somewhere.

You need a deed of trust with your asset as it is now protected in full. What you decide to share between you as it increases in value can be decided between you.

Bang on.The double standards on mn 🤔😂

Why do you need to get married?

If you dont want your property to become his property in the eyes of thr law...dont get married

@ThisMintHouse
If you're in England I'd be very careful of the house becoming a marital asset.
Personally I wouldn't get married, I'd be more keen to protect my asset.
Dsis owned her home before she even met her now exh.
The house was deemed a marital asset during the divorce and she now finds herself, in her 50's, with a disabled teen about to become homeless.
She has been ordered to sell the house and split the proceeds 55/45%, 55 to her.
This doesnt leave her enough to buy a new property and she's currently a carer for her teen so doesn't work and is unable to get a mortgage.
I'd be very wary in your position

What’s yours is mine and what mine is my own seems to be his thought. If he earns well why doesn’t he have good savings to pay off a significant lump sum of the mortgage and enter the marriage on an equal footing?

I thought the same 🚩🚩

as previous posters have suggested, you need legal advice OP.

very odd someone who earns so well, yet has no savings either. Do you actually know he earns well? - where was he living before he met you and was so keen to move in?

I find this and similar threads quite sad. To my mind if one partner tells another that he’s going to be a tenant in his own home, and it’s always going to be hers not his, that’s not really a marriage. As PP have said, if a man said that to his future wife MN would think it outrageous - and rightly so.

Marriage is risky and involves a big leap of faith. Trying to eliminate that risk sounds smart but ends up eroding the relationship itself. You can never be equal partners or “one flesh” if one of you is landlord to the other.

Marrying means sharing You've a child together. If you're having doubts then I wouldn't move in together or get married.

Ideally you'd have both worked out these kinds of details before having a kid together (🤷) but seeing as you haven't, if I were you I'd want to protect the assets you have. You clearly disagree (he thinks it's all 50/50, you don't) so you need to a) talk it through with him and agree how to move forward and b) get paperwork drawn up with a solicitor. Don't just bumble into it and assume it'll work out nicely in the future.

“He's of the opinion that once marriage is entered, everything is shared.”
Of course he is! You have a lovely house for him to share…

And what assets is he bringing to the marriage for you to share in?

That’s a fair opinion if you have similar levels of assets, but as you don’t and as he is indicating a possessive intent towards your assets I suggest you look into a pre-nup or delay getting married until you are on an equal footing.

Ownership not worship.

Well it seems a bit late to be worrying about assets now you have a shared child?

It sounds like you want to retain sole of worship, so work from that starting point. Your fiancé seems to have fewer assets than you but good earning potential, so he can pay you a contribution towards living in your house while making savings to build up his own assets. When the value of your assets are equal you can choose to invest in jointly owned property or you can keep things as they are.

After marriage make sure you write a will leaving your house to your iron children. Aside from

If you’re set on marrying him you need to get to a solicitor for a prenup. People can be all sorts of wonderful until they aren’t, and by marrying you are essentially handing over 50% of your house.
Personally I would never do this (particularly with your child to leave a legacy to in the future. I wouldn’t risk any man/person messing up everything I’d worked so hard for, regardless of circumstances).

This is so hard. But I think I would want to protect my house too. Perhaps you could save together for a buy to let that you co-own so he is on the property ladder? Take advice and then have a good conversation. It’s not unreasonable for him to want to work together on financial goals but there might be other ways to do this.

I made a ‘will in anticipation of marriage’ which stated what would happen if I died. In the case of a divorce, it would be trickier and I would be relying on my H not to go after what was already mine. But I do have his previous form for being decent and trustworthy at the end of his relationships, so I believe that if ours broke down, he would respect that.

I think much will depend on your previous relationship histories and what happened when those ended, as well as how you both feel about it now. What’s your partner bringing to the marriage in terms of assets? Would he be willing to jointly draw up an agreement that neither of you go after the other’s assets (eg pensions, wealth etc) that was accrued before the marriage? But IANAL and no idea if this would stand up in court.

If this is a concern for you, maybe sit with it and consider why? Is there some undercurrent within the relationship that makes you feel nervous about its longevity, or some history or aspect of your partner that worries you how he would behave if the marriage ended?

I disagree with previous posters. If this post was written by a male saying they had purchased a house then met a woman and they now had a child together and he was wanting to protect the house against her having claim in the future people would be saying what scum he was and that the mother of his child should be entitled to be legally an equal owner/on the mortage etc.

Also if a woman was on here writing a post saying she’d had a baby with a man who owned a house and he was being cautious about her moving in/being on the mortgage etc people would be saying she was well within her right to have that and her partner was an asshole.

It can’t be double standards just because the OP is a woman in this situation.

You’re either a family and a team or you’re not.

You trusted him enough to share a child so why not a house.