To feel protective of my house

Marriage is a business contract. We should be more upfront/clear about that. You wouldn't sign a business contract without doing due diligence and agreeing terms first. I would say the same if it was a man looking to protect his only financial asset, as the OP wishes to do. We're not talking about a billionaire demanding his future wife ask for pin money. We're talking about a previously single parent who has managed to buy her own property, to create a secure home and financial safety net for herself and her children. The OP's partner has not been able to do the same, but now wants to take advantage of her hard work.

YANBU OP. This needs to be sorted out well before you get married. Don't just plough ahead and hope that things will somehow work themselves out. If you can't agree finances now, it's not going to get any better once you're married. Speak to a qualified, independent advisor about your options, take time to think about them and decide what you want, then discuss this with your partner. If you can't reach an agreement, then marriage isn't right for either of you.

As you have a child together I am presuming you are already living together. Is this in your house? You say he is interested in contributing towards the mortgage is he currently contributing towards mortgage or household expenses?

But then why get married?

And what will be different with a will that ensures he’s provided for in death - which will likely mean the house has to be sold anyway?

And if she died next year, how would she ensure her new child has a home for the next 18years.

If they didn’t have a shared child then it would be different, but they do.

I think you get married for the sole purpose of sharing assets or you don’t get married and just get life insurance instead.

We would be telling OP to marry her DP to protect herself and child if anything were to happen to him.

Nah protect yourself . No man is ever worth risking it for.

It’s different because they’ve both lived a life and accumulated assets, or not. A will can ensure her DP is provided for on death but she needs to protect her home in the event of a split.

Having been on MN a very long time, I disagree that the MN view would inevitably be the opposite if the sexes were reversed.

Im marrying dp next year. We are tenants in common with separate proportions of the house we bought together. I made a will in contemplation of marriage protecting my son’s inheritance and giving dp 5 years following my death to stay in the house (not a life interest). His will isn’t exactly a mirror will but it is a similar pattern. Both of us get the survivor’s pension if the other dies (his pension will provide more to me if he dies than the other way round tbh). However, I have mentally accepted that if I’m here on my own I probably won’t be able to afford to buy out his children and will end up moving/downsizing. That’s fine though a bit sad as I adore this house. He earns more than me and contributes slightly more to the bills.

Interestingly I don’t think his will was made officially in contemplation of marriage, so unless he fixes that he could die intestate which would benefit me enormously… so I will probably remind him about that, maybe once… (I wouldn’t deliberately screw over his children but I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t slightly adjust things in my favour…)

Anyway, not to bang on for pages about my different circumstances but just to say that this stuff is extremely complicated and you need specialist legal advice pronto.

The majority of women on MN did not/do not own their own homes before moving in with their DPs.

If you think someone is a cocklodger then you wouldn’t marry them.

I’m single and own a house. Personally I would never give up that security and give half of it to a man. If you marry and things don’t work out then he will potentially be entitled to take half of the value, which could see you having to sell up and move out.

I would get financial advice and find out what you have to gain and what you have to lose financially if you marry because sometimes it isn’t the most sensible option. You’ve already had a child together without marriage so I assume it’s not important to you from a religious/ traditional values point of view and you don’t have to go along with marrying just because it’s the done thing. A child is a much bigger commitment than marriage so I wouldn’t worry that not wanting to marry sends out the wrong message! Ultimately you need to prioritise what is best for you and your 2 children in terms of long term financial security, not what is best for your partner’s ego.

Prenuptial and if you buy a house together buy as joint tenants.

Then what’s the point in getting married?

Every day on MN women are encouraged to get married to ensure they are financially protected if their DP dies or they get divorced.

Why is it any different now?

If OP died her DH would be homeless with her child.

I’d wonder why she had no assets and wonder if she was a bit of a cocklodger actually 🤷🏼‍♀️

You wouldn’t say that about a woman moving in with a man who wanted to protect his assets

Why are you getting married?

Where is he living now?

Pre nups aren’t legally binding in this country although they can be seen as intent. By having a child with this man you have made things complicated if you want all your assets to stay yours. Much easier to have not made that commitment. If you don’t get married and he doesn’t pay towards the mortgage then difficult for him to have legal access to your assets. But if the boot was on the other foot and it was him with all the assets and the OP without people would be crucifying him for not wanting to get married especially once a child is in the mix.

I'm a man , not that should matter - I'm mid 40's, own my place outright - I was due to marry but my partner (female) cheated, I would never in a million years have suspected it, I trusted her implicitly.

It makes you think, had we got married she would have had an entitlement to my property, which is not just my home but my business premises and livelihood - it could all have ended very badly indeed - fortunately I dodged that bullet.

I would never consider marriage now, and if hypothetically I did, I would be looking for the future Mrs. DeftWasp to be in a good financial position in her own right, so if it did go pear shaped we would both be OK.

Declarations of trust and pre ups are all well and good, but you could still be in a position of having to sell your safe haven to pay that which he had contributed, add in all the associated costs and you could be in a lesser home or with more mortgage to pay.

50% marriages end in divorce, it is not unreasonable to take advice of how to protect your assets for you and your children as much as possible.

YABU you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Why are you getting married if you don’t want to share assets.

You can’t pick and choose.

You either get married and share assets or you don’t get married.

Is he earning a good wage now too? You mention potential?

def get this sorted sooner rather than later.
you need to ring fence the equity in your house. However going forward I would share what you accumulate. It’s a visit to a solicitor and they’ll arrange it all.
for everyone saying if it was the other way around we would be saying they are entitled to half.
that’s the advice given when the women has given up her home, her career , pension as they often have to do in a marriage to look after children and the home.

Where does he currently live? I’d get a declaration of trust and a prenup to protect your share and then try to buy another property, eg a flat, that you could rent out but ensure that he had something if you split. Or encourage him to save so he can buy something in his sole name.

I note you say “earning potential”, is he not earning well at the moment?

What do you mean he has “good earning potential”. Base all judgement on what he earns now, potential is fantasy, non existent earnings, might (probably) never happen. Be careful op. And to the pp saying if the shoe was in the other foot and the man was protecting his assets there would be uproar, yes there would as inevitably the woman ends up the one financially on the back foot. My teens struggle, I couldn’t fathom going for promotions at work with so much going on, I also financially mitigate their problems while he pays a bit of maintenance and sees them a couple of hours a week. 100% different position for a woman. Protect your assets op