To feel protective of my house

'He's of the opinion that once marriage is entered, everything is shared.'

That would be a reasonable opinion if you both had an equal amount of assets, but you don't. You have a property and he doesn't.

You need to speak to a solicitor to find out what your options are to protect your current assets for your two children.

When me and my current husband got together I owned my own home, we got pregnant very quickly (not planned) and he moved in. We got married when DS was 18 months old, but I always paid the mortgage as I was the higher earner and it was my house. He never spoke of the house as “ours” or about shared assets etc. His family was considerably wealthier than me/my family, so I never had any concern that the house was anything but mine at that point.

We then moved to a much larger house, I had a good deposit from the sale of my house and he matched that with money from shares, so we went in completely 50:50 and the house is ours and would be split equally if we were to divorce.

I remember though when I bought my first flat, my boyfriend at the time moved in with me but had started talking about some friend of his that supposedly had a claim on a property his partner owned and he had been paying rent towards, even though they weren’t married etc etc. He was an ex within a month, for many reasons, but I wasn’t risking someone taking something that I had worked so hard to achieve, and this was what pushed me to finally end things.

In your situation I would 100% keep the house as your asset, get legal advice to ensure after marriage that this is the case. His talk of everything being shared would worry me, as he isn’t bringing anything to the table to share with you, or matching your contribution to the house to date. You need to protect your family home as you also have a child that is not his, and this is their home. You can have a joint account for bills, but the mortgage is paid by you from your account. Do you have to get married at this point though, given these concerns?

If you marry him, your home becomes a marital asset. If you split, there goes half. Add in his attitude that when you marry, everything is shared and that house will no longer be just yours.

You lose half your biggest financial asset if you marry. He gains half a house.

How long have you been together?

Why are you getting married? Your home will be a marital asset and unless it turns out to be a short marriage it won't matter who bought the house, it will be split in the event of a divorce and his child will be as entitled as your child will be in the event of death.

A prenup is not a safe bet either as they aren't automatically legally binding.

I think you need to think about this long and hard. Marrying and trying to protect something as only yours won't be possible. Take pensions into consideration too, incase you have a good one.

The OP says he was married before with a home and after the divorce his wife got the better deal..I think his money has been lost in the divorce. I think the OP will be marrying for the first time.

I get how you feel. You love them, trust them but it’s your house.

DP and me are about to start living together. We both own our homes. He is moving to mine. He wants to sell his and it will pay off my mortgage. we could have a lovely life and holidays.

but I will always see this as my house which is not fair on him. So, I want us to move to a house that’s ours. He is drawn by the mortgage free aspect where I am drawn by it’s my house mentality. For us to live freely I need us to have chosen the house together.

I have the majority deposit and we will do a legal thing saying I own at set % and him the other so if we split up we have financial security. this will still be valid even if we marry. He has a kid and if he dies before me his kid can inherit his pension and savings. I just want the house. He agrees.

He has a much higher salary than me, but once bills are paid we will still have our own money to spend as we wish.

His attitude that everything is for sharing concerns me OP, point is he is't bringing anything to the table, he wants to share what you have - its odd he didn't get anything from the first marriage either, maybe he entered that with nothing too and left fairly soon and so she kept hold of what she had - I'd be wary, very wary.

The fact is that once you're married, a house becomes a marital asset whether you like it or not. It wouldn't necessarily be split equally in the event of divorce, but he'd have some claim on it. You really need to stop seeking advice here and see a solicitor - alone - for advice on the best way to arrange things. And once you're married you MUST have a will to ensure if you die first your oldest child gets what you want them to. Don't make the will now - marriage invalidates wills - but get it done immediately after. Book your solicitor appointment, pronto.

Bollocks. Many women have their own homes nowadays and ops situation is unfortunately more common as men are often not bringing as much to the table as they used to.

This

Protect your house

You need legal advice and a good will to protect your son.

Definitely legal advice on this

OP please get legal advice.

I agree with posters that it is odd that someone has reached his stage in life without assets. You say he has good earning potential - does that mean he isn’t earning now? What do you know about his salary and outgoing? Do you live together now and does he contribute?

I do see where you're coming from but it's women who go through pregnancy and give birth then generally sacrifice more of their career, earning potential, time and energy to bring up children. Expecting a man/father to ensure that his wife will have a secure home should the relationship go wrong or the woman/mother defend some of the assets she earned before rearing children isn't necessarily unreasonable.

A house becomes a marital asset. Once you are married and put any length into that marriage it’ll be a an asset that will would be divided upon divorce

Why are you marrying him? I definitely wouldn’t.

I don't think there is anything unhealthy about cynicism in these situations, it's huge sums of money at stake and its so easy for the heart to overtake the head.

Yes, you can be TIC with unequal shares, however, you would have to accept potentially loosing the house in the case of a split as it may have to be sold, and after costs that could leave you in a smaller home.

I wouldn’t get married in your situation, but if you do make sure you get a good lawyer to update your will so that your children are protected. This is especially important for your first child. Sorry if this comes across as a bit cynical or over cautious.

The could be a dozen good reasons, but as they say in business "due dilligence" is needed to find out the situation ahead of time.

I think you can have unequal ownership of the house, so for instance you could have 3/4 share and him 1/4 share rather than 50:50.

@DeftWasp maybe OP got more from a previous marriage and her new partner got less. Maybe partner is retraining hence having earning potential.

And the big question has to be WHY the man here hasn't been able to do the same, especially if he earns more than her.

He may be a lovely chap, but is he feckless with money? why has he not got a foothold on financial security where she has?

That's easy, life insurance to clear mortgage - will trust for partner vesting the the child at a given age.