To feel protective of my house

I would like to enter the marriage with positive intentions and with trust.

Enter it with a Deed of Trust then! 😄

You seem to be walking into a situation where, if you split up, all your hard work to provide for yourself and your children will evaporate.

Not really, he doesn’t have any assets.

Your responses are making it blindingly obvious you’re going to go ahead and hand him half the house regardless.
Forgot all the cutesy “open trust” stuff.
He brings literally nothing material to this arrangement except his word that he will do this that and the other in the future.
Forgive my cynicism, but from an outsider’s perspective it’s a joke that he has no savings and yet feels entitled to half of your assets!
You asked our opinions and are now defending how lovely he is and what a great job he has, so clearly he has you convinced.
I’m out of this thread because it’s frustrating to read but good luck!

Get a prenup or Deed of Trust. It's not unreasonable to protect your asset. Going forward share what you both bring to marriage but what you have paid before you marry is yours alone.

If the relationship doesn’t feel stable enough to understand joining a life and joint assets they were not stable enough to bring a child into it. I don’t think the OP is wrong at all to be questioning whether this man is worth the risk of losing half her assets, but I do think it’s unbelievable a house has caused more hesitation than a child. Shared custody is not something to consider lightly!

Get legal advice and protect this property for yourself and your children. 40-42% of marriages end in divorce. If you find yourself on the wrong side of that statistic one day, atleast make sure it doesn't also end in financial insecurity. I am in your position - own my own property, have a child, with a long-term partner who doesn't have his own place. I do not plan to marry, and if we buy property together it will be a new one with clear legal arrangements in place to ensure our contribution and respective children's inheritance is protected.

Double standards are on a high again.

No it's not odd at all. Clearly, she'd be happy to share her child with him should they ever break up. That doesn't mean she wants to lose her house too.

It's all well and good wanting to enter the marriage with positive intentions, but you'll also being entering it with assets he could end up with compared to his 0. Please don't do it.

If you broke up wouldn’t he be entitled to half anyway?

Protect your assets , I’ve been married 13 years and mine recognises that I had £150k of equity which in the event of divorce would be repaid before rest of house proceeds being split - DH is not named on the house deeds nor any of the utilities with the exception of council tax , I have always been determined to never risk my home and equity

To be honest your voting options don’t make sense and I don’t think you can really boil down the options to this.

there is no set way to deal with this. It’s a fairly common predicament that you can seek legal advice on.

ultimately some type of prenuptial agreement you might be more comfortable with, and he’s entitled to walk away if he doesn’t agree.

How long have you been together? That would influence my decision if I were you. Did you get together just before getting pregnant, so perhaps you have only known him for under two years? Or was his divorce many years ago and you have been with him 5+ years?

You have paid £50k and have £100k left on the mortgage, but I wouldn't go just on the mortgage: I suggest you actually get the house valued by a couple of estate agents.
Say it is now worth £200k for example, and you bought it for £150 with no or minimal deposit, you now actually own half the equity (£100 owned, £100 on mortgage), because the increase in value is yours.

A deed of trust relates to the house ownership, not the mortgage - this is important - it says what % of the house you each own as "tenants in common", or that you own the first £X fixed amount and the rest is split in a % each.
This is regardless of who is on the mortgage or who pays the mortgage - although the mortgage company will have some input into these decisions.
(Get this checked by a specialist solicitor as I am not a lawyer.)

In the scenario above, you might get a deed to say that you own 75%, which is equivalent to the £100 you already have and half of the other £100, and he owns 25% which is half of the £100 still on the mortgage.
Then his name goes on the mortgage (likely you will need to get a new mortgage) as an equal partner and you pay the mortgage out of a joint current account.
(How you each pay into the current account and how much income you each keep for yourselves for personal spending is a whole other conversation).

This is not watertight, as in the case of a future divorce, especially after many years, everything is on the table and the courts will decide, but the deed of trust may well be given weight as it shows your clear intentions at the time of marriage. You may find that you would have to sell up to pay him his share.

Finally, your % of the home as described in the deed is what you leave in your will - another trip needed after marriage to a solicitor who specialises in wills.

Do you not think it’s a bit odd you didn’t hesitate to have a child but you’re hesitating over this?

My questions would be

• How did his first marriage end, and how long?
• How has he come to own nothing, dispite having got to his 40s and earned well?, he should have had something from the divorce.
• How long have you been together?

This in abundance

Would opinions be the same if OP was the man who was exercising caution.
They are getting married and have a child!

If OP were male and her DH female, would you all be urging him to ‘protect his assets’?

Seems like more thought is being put into a house than a child.

This.

It’s important to protect yourself financially, but attaching so much emotion to a house and not wanting to share it, but having a child with someone seems a very strange dichotomy.

Pre nup converted to a post nup following marriage makes it a legally binding financial settlement in case of divorce. Everything else can be sorted out with trusts in your will

He has zero assets, handed them over to his ex and now thinks marriage entitles him to yours.
There is nothing in marriage for you.
You have had a child with him whilst not clear on finances.
Do not be foolish and hand over half an asset just to make him feel good.
Look at renting out this property and you can both save in the next year to fund a new one.

Far too many naive foolish women bitterly regret losing their childs home through rushing into a relationship which relieves them of THEIR home.

Your first child deserves so much better than you risking his home.
Because if this relationship fails, you WILL lose this home.

You have no business getting married when it risks your home.
As it is you are already providing him and two of his children with a home.

Please wake up to how perilous this can all be.
Get good legal advice.

You really must protect your existing assets. It would be crazy not to.