To feel protective of my house

No but you can't expect a partner to sit with no ownership of anything, you sell up and invest together! You don't sit there and tell that partner that they are not allowed to have anything of their own and they are not welcome to be part of anything of theirs. That's a relationship with no future. It's also wrong to have a child with somebody and then begrudge any legal connection to them, like others have said, there's a child involved and you can't be self absorbed once you bring a kid into the equation.

He could put the surplus income into his pension which outperforms the property market and has better tax benefits for him anyway

What you forget is if they split up the baby will have as much right to be housed by its father as its mother and that will be at the expense of the OP’s first child.
The courts will order her to sell her house to give him his share, Which effectively means that either they are both stuck renting.
Or baby gets a new house with its dad because mummy will no doubt be doing the majority of the childcare, but Dad will be entitled to an equal proportion of the house because he will need to House baby every other weekend.
No doubt mum will pay for the childcare which child support never covers even 50% of.

It just dilute the equity/security for the OP’s first child.
Where as the current situation secures the roof for both children.

Feel a bit for this bloke, ex wife took all money from his house in divorce, new wife wants to maintain independence?

If i were him i would agree for you to keep house, but would refuse to contribute to the mortgage and instead save the moeny up to have my own safety net.

There's doesn't feel like much love or commitment here! You can't expect the guy to never want a place that's theres too, somewhere to pay a mortgage on, they want bricks and mortar too! You either end the relationship because there's no warmth or commitment between two people, or you sell up and buy a place together and treat each other with respect and as equals. It's not fair to tell him that he's never allowed to own anything.

It’s not warm or loving to handover everything that you’ve worked for for the last 20 years to somebody who may or may not remain in your life for the next 20 years
We really do need to knock this narrative on the head.

Neither partner should be cold or calleous! Otherwise the relationship is shit and needs ending.

You do realise that one of those kids is hers! You talk like her own baby owes her debt of gratitude because she allows it to live with her! She can't become all "me me me" and begrudge giving a penny of anything to her partner and kids! Its her duty to house the child she chose to give birth to

And yet I have met hundreds of men who have done exactly that. They have no qualms in being considered cold. It’s just women that are cold when we want to protect the roof over our children’s heads, including the joint child.

They have a kid together, now isn't the time to play at being selfish and uncommitted. To be that cold and hard means there is no love or relationship.

In your situation, I wouldn’t get married. There’s no benefit to it whatsoever for you.

Why would you want to run two separate houses! It's a waste of money and a waste of a home sat unused. That's not a committed relationship. I had a friend once whose partner wouldn't sell his house and commit fully to her, she had a shit house that she couldn't better because he wouldn't commit to selling both houses and getting a joint mortgage and it was a bad relationship as a result and everytime they had a row, he slink off back to his own house!

I’d keep the house in my name and ring fence it. And offer to support him paying towards his own property by not taking any « rent » on the house. The idea being if divorce happens in the future you might be in a position to say you keep your property, I keep mine.

Why would you want 2 properties?

Resent your place out and buy one together.

Make sure you keep your house in your name and get legal advice to protect yourself. Do not rely on a promise or words. If he truly loves you, he will respect your position and agree to this.

How does getting married benefit you? There is plenty at stake if things end badly, and I can’t see why it’s worth the risk. I say this from my own experience.

Obviously marriage offers financial security for the lower earner and protects the spouse who puts career plans on hold etc to look after children…… but none of that seems to apply here.

If you take any option rather than protecting 100%, you will end up with half. However, him paying back 50% of what you already invested plus 50% of the remaining mortgage will at least make sure you are actually left with the 50%.

But she has two children to protect now. The one from the previous relationship and the one she has with him!
I am happily married and earn much as my spouse. We didn’t have any children before we got married and our arrangement was to ring fence our individual assets and anything combined was fair game!
please get legal advise

@ThisMintHouse I think the only way to do it for him to buy into the house so that you are equal owners. You might still lose the house if you can’t buy him back if you divorce down the line but at least you won’t have given half the house away.

Prenups and postnups are not legally binding in the UK.

Ah yes, that would work if you are talking about inheritance. If they divorce though it doesn’t matter if they are tenants in common as the house will be considered a marital asset and divided as such.

Yes you ring fence your percentage of ownership as part of the tenants in common agreement. This ownership is not cancelled by marriage. However any inheritance after may be affected. We aren’t married but if we do marry we will likely agree a pre/post nup to reclarify our intentions in the case of divorce.

you really need legal advice as to what’s best

@LondonLady15 are you married? If so, what kind of agreement have you signed? It’s my understanding that once married most, if not all, other agreements more or less goes out the window.

Is there some way to ring fence the amount you have paid (plus interest on that part) and then rest would be 50/50.

Ok so in a slightly similar situation to you and here’s what we are doing. Selling both our mortgaged properties and putting our equity together to go towards a shared home. My equity is more than his. We are going to buy as tenants in common and ring fence our own equity as a percentage. If we split up we agree to get our own percentage back plus half of any further equity. If one of us dies the percentage will go to our child (we both have dc) and the rest to the partner with a lifetime agreement to stay in the property. This also protects the other persons equity should one of us need to go into care too.