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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH is miffed with me. AIBU?

37 replies

NotoSIL · 04/01/2026 07:50

DH has a sister who is, by all accounts, quite hard work and overindulged. She doesn’t work (lives rent-free in a family property) and is single currently. We (DH, me, my two stepkids and our two shared kids) visit the hometown for a few days every Christmas. She’s nice and friendly, but quite chaotic. Seems to be happier lately than she has been previously.

Before Christmas, she was in touch with DH to request a certain pair of trainers for Christmas worth £125. He told me the day before we left for his hometown, I duly trudged around the shops on my day off to find them but they were sold out in her size, so he arrived with just the other bits I’d got her (chocolate, jumper, some accessories - costing about £70).

SIL didn’t get me or any of the kids anything. She got DH a ticket to go to a foreign festival with her, on a date he can’t do.

On the last day of our holiday, DH said he needed to go to the cashpoint to withdraw £125 for SIL because he hadn’t got the trainers. AIBU to have said absolutely not?

OP posts:
euff · 04/01/2026 08:25

I think it would be okay for him to be giving a gift like this if she was doing the work in hosting your family, cleaning up the home, changing beds before and after, cooking etc but it sounds like that’s probably not the case.

Original poster
NotoSIL · 04/01/2026 08:23

And no she’s not younger, she’s older than us!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotoSIL · 04/01/2026 08:18

WarmGreyHare · 04/01/2026 08:10

I wouldn't want to have given her the money. But I do think your DH should be able to make his own decisions about his family gifts. So it depends on your finances and if they are totally shared or you each have some autonomy.

Is she a lot younger or something?

We don’t have entirely shared finances. I did say to him that it was ultimately his choice but that I’d be annoyed if he did it. Christmas is expensive (we also have five family birthdays in December) so whilst he could have afforded it, I don’t see why we need to pay £200 for her Christmas if we get nothing in return.

As DH can’t attend the festival, she can sell the ticket if she wants to recoup her money.

OP posts:
LamentableShoes · 04/01/2026 08:16

Tell your DH you were hoping for £125 cash from her which she didn't give you, so can he arrange for you to have that please.

Original poster
NotoSIL · 04/01/2026 08:15

Makemeanonymous · 04/01/2026 08:08

I would have been disgusted at the fact she " requested" a Christmas present from your DH in the first place. And especially an expensive one. What entitled behaviour.
You put a lot of effort into pandering to her. She might not have received the present she demanded but she did receive other gifts. So I am at a loss to understand why your DH thinks it's necessary to also give her money.

I wasn’t privy to the conversation but I had assumed he’d also given her suggestions for me and the kids. As she was requesting something expensive, I figured that was fair enough as four kids is a lot to buy for. But my assumptions were wrong!

OP posts:
Floatingdownriver · 04/01/2026 08:13

He sounds a bit chaotic too.

Aplstrudl · 04/01/2026 08:12

She’s a lazy selfish entitled Madam demanding things! Absolutely not. Can’t believe he was going to… should use that money to get you a present in her behalf!!

WarmGreyHare · 04/01/2026 08:10

I wouldn't want to have given her the money. But I do think your DH should be able to make his own decisions about his family gifts. So it depends on your finances and if they are totally shared or you each have some autonomy.

Is she a lot younger or something?

Makemeanonymous · 04/01/2026 08:08

I would have been disgusted at the fact she " requested" a Christmas present from your DH in the first place. And especially an expensive one. What entitled behaviour.
You put a lot of effort into pandering to her. She might not have received the present she demanded but she did receive other gifts. So I am at a loss to understand why your DH thinks it's necessary to also give her money.

Original poster
NotoSIL · 04/01/2026 07:57

FOJN · 04/01/2026 07:53

YANBU for refusing to give her money for trainers but more fool you for wasting your day off shopping for her Christmas presents. I would not get involved in future, leave it to your husband and if she ends up with nothing it's not your problem.

I don’t actually mind Christmas shopping (O like looking for presents and DH pays me back for whatever I get for his family) but I do resent having it sprung on me last minute!

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 04/01/2026 07:55

Don’t her anything in future, leave it all up to DH.

FOJN · 04/01/2026 07:53

YANBU for refusing to give her money for trainers but more fool you for wasting your day off shopping for her Christmas presents. I would not get involved in future, leave it to your husband and if she ends up with nothing it's not your problem.

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