DH is miffed with me. AIBU?

I think this is perfect. But he didn't.

"SIL didn’t get me or any of the kids anything. She got DH a ticket to go to a foreign festival with her, on a date he can’t do."

No more gifts for her. If she asks I would just look confused and say

'When you didn't give us any gift last Christmas, I took it that you didn't want to exchange gifts with us any more. Is that not the case? Did you get presents for us?'

P.S. Your husband needs to wise up to his sister. She is not indulged / chaotic, she is your common or garden Cheeky Fucker with a sense of entitlement that can be seen from the moon!

You spent more on your SIL than I did on my teens

You're a mug. Both of you.

She is a cheeky fucker by the sound of it.

I do wonder why though, if you and DH (or even just DH) were willing to get the £125 trainers she requested but you couldn't get her size, did you not just give her £125 in cash or store vouchers? Then she could just have got the trainers herself when her size came back into stock. That way you wouldn't have already spent the additional £70, which clearly didn't satisfy your SIL.

Going forward, stop agreeing to get anything for her. She doesn't return the favour anyway. If DH feels the need to get her gifts then he sorts it out.

Is she a carer for her parents?

OP, both you and your husband are mugs, and doesn't she know it.

I would guess she knew dh couldn't attend the gig and has had his replacement lined up all along.
As a poster above wipe her birthday from your phone.
And agree dh can shop for his family this year...
What a bloody diva sil is!

It's not really an even playing ground though is it? She's feckless and chaotic, not paying her way and no family of her own. Your husband's situation is quite different.

Assuming you can afford it I would be fine with it if it was coming from a place or your husband wanting his sister to feel taken care of and supported.

If however it was led by ungrateful demands from her; where are my trainers, please give me the money instead I'd be saying FRO to that.

No way! She can piss off!

‘Bits’ costing £70!!!!
A jumper is a generous Xmas present.

And no presents for the kids?

I guess the Ill-planned festival ticket was expensive though.

She's a CF.

It's your husband's call as she's his sister but if it were up to me, I'd say 'let's not exchange gifts in future, we can spend the money we would have spent on ourselves'.

Agree with this.

Why would you or her brother want/expect presents from her. Surely you buy for her and she gets little mindings for the kids? If she wants to get something for her brother then fair enough but I don't understand why you would expect to be part of this and be bought a gift.

“She got DH a ticket to go to a foreign festival with her, on a date he can’t do.”

So she didn’t buy anything for you or the DC, bought your DH a ticket to a concert (that presumably she wanted to go to and have company for) that would necessitate your DH spending more money, and asked for an expensive pair of trainers for herself. She is one CF, OP, and you were right to tell your DH that you’d be annoyed if he gave her £125. What a chancer she is! I ‘d leave it entirely up to DH to sort out her presents - does he not care that she gets nothing for the DC? Or think it rude that she is blatantly gives a present that entirely excludes you? I would be massively unimpressed by it!

this.

why does dh still indulge her? does she manipulate or blackmail him?

if i were him i’d be explaining that you searched for the trainers in her size but were unable to get them so the gift she got was INSTEAD of those.

That he cannot use the ticket sorry. That she should sell it and recoup the money.

And finally - and this is the important one - in view of the fact that christmas is for kids, that you realise she doesn’t have much money as she doesn’t work, in future instead of reciprocal gifts that miss the mark, let’s just save our money and do christmas cards instead.

She sounds like a right brat. Selfish to not get your kids (her niece or nephew) anything.

Oh and the festival ticket was probably paid for by her parents so she could take him so he could go to buy her her drink and pay for her accommodation arrange their transport and keep an eye on her.
He should ask the parents if that’s the case. As if so, hes being well and truly used and she got him fuck all.

Absolutely not, what a cheek! He should have told her to use the money she saved by not buying any of you presents

I think you shouldn't buy her anything (the bits you described) and then just stay out of the gifting between siblings. Because it seems to make sense to them (even if yes it sounds weird!)

Sorry, I had misread and thought she was living with dad! She is very self absorbed. It would bother me too, it is very rude of her to ask for a gift unprompted. Why did DH feel the need to get the cash? Did his sister ask him for it as he hadn’t brought the requested gift? He should contact her in advance next year and ask if she wants any ideas for gifts for the kids! My sisters are usually checking their gift ideas for my kids with me well in advance as they want to get them something and also make sure they aren’t getting the same or similar from us.

Sounds like she is used to being looked after by everyone, including having her life financed by others, and so she has a self-focused mindset where doing sacrificial things for others just doesn't enter into her thought process. Was she spoiled as a child?

What does she live on if she doesn't work?

I’d also be annoyed by the whole thing. I’ve got a similar SIL where over the years DH and I have showered her, her ex and their variety of children in presents for birthdays and Xmases and some in-between.

This past Xmas we ‘dialled back’ and gifted her and our adult niece £30 gift cards each. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot but adding in all the years of presents, it’s just another gesture we do that goes unacknowledged and more money down the drain.

Recently, I wiped her and my niece’s birthday dates off my phone. If DH wants to send cards, presents or a text, it is completely up to him to sort out (but he did indicate he was tired of it all and he’s done). As far as I’m concerned, I have nothing else to do with them.

She is one CF however it is your DH Sister and his own money so up to him ultimately. If I were you I would step back from ever buying her anything again and leave it to your H to sort out.

Perhaps DH should respond with sure, I can get you those, can you get NotoSIL the new bag she wanted, DC1 would like headphones, DC2 will have a game for their switch, DC3 would like a expensive Lego set and DC4 would like a baby Annabelle doll. Will exchange gifts together so let me know when you have these ready.