MIL not putting in effort and then complaining she feels “left out”.

This has roots doesn’t it? You need to think about what they might be and put it right.

When we announced we were expecting, MiL made some very disparaging remarks. The relationship to DH had been cool for a long time. There was no offer to help in the first months, and there was only one visit that felt like a duty visit.

when my mum came on a week‘s visit when DS was 6 months so I could work a contract, MiL managed a sniffy ‘I’m here too!’. I told her she was welcome to see DS at any time but we had got the impression she didn’t want to be involved. So she should think about the sort of relationship she wanted and we would work together to make it happen.

She phoned a week later. It turned out DS’ birth had brought up all sorts of memories of her own somewhat overbearing mother. She offered to do anything but made it clear she would not interfere as she felt her own mother had.

That very direct, frank approach led to her becoming a fabulous grandma. She has some health issues, but has always found a way to make her relationship with DS(9) work. When he was 5 she moved to our village. She does an afternoon after school. Jumps in on sick days. She used to take him on bus and train rides, now they read, bake, and play board games together. She‘ll have him overnight if we ask, and she makes an effort to keep up with his interests and recognise his friends. Sometimes she’ll ask if she can take him to the circus or just borrow him for an afternoon. It’s given her a new lease of life, helped the relationship with DH, and DS benefits hugely too.

Lol
What a bizaare comment.
Just because you clearly don't have that sort of relationship with your mum, doesn't mean it isn't healthy and normal.

OP is not a celebrity as far as we know and people are more than allowed to post what they want on their social media to give thanks however and whomever they want to and to give flack to celebrities over it is weird imo.

MIL is practically telling on herself to complain about OP talking about her own relationship with her own mum because she doesn’t seem bothered with her own relationships with her sons. OP talking about her own mother on her personal social media doesn’t take away from or stop her son from doing the same about her or him telling her how he feels about her.

She only cares because she was shown the post and likely assumes others will wonder about why she wasn’t spoken about in the same vein when in reality no one is thinking of her at all with that message.

I think OP is lucky to have such a lovely mum, many of us are not blessed with such mums, unfortunately.

OP, are you American? I ask because I am Irish currently living in the US and grandparents are very involved here. I think it’s nice. YANBU

I don’t understand why you have to make a public post when you could simply thank your mum directly. It’s the kind of thing ghastly celebrities do and then get flack for it.

OP, your mum sounds wonderful and the way your acknowledge and celebrate what she does for you and your children is beautiful.
I hardly ever post here but I feel quite strong that you have done a lovely thing and have nothing to feel bad about.
Recognising and celebrating someone does not take away from someone else. Even if your MIL was very involved, you would always be allowed to show recognition to each grandmother without it taking away from the other grandmother.
In this case your husband is not going to post thanking his mum because there is nothing to thank.
Please do not feel bad for the beautiful gesture you have done. Your MIL feels how she feels - please do not feel responsible for managing or fixing her feelings.
I am so happy for you that you and your children have such aother and grandmother, and that she has you to cherish her. You have inspired me to be more vocal towards my own mother for all she does for us. Thank you.

Some people just don't get it. Life. They dont understand that if you want something, you have to make an effort to make it happen.

Instead they sit there bemoaning their lot.

In a way it's tragic. But to be aggressively accused of something you haven't done. That's not only not fair, but not terribly helpful at resolving her problem, because I bet you're now writing her off as a toxic narcissist. Or if you're not, others in this thread probably are.

All these people that are criticising your relationship with your lovely mum AND her relationship with her GC are blowing my mind!
It is my pleasure and my privilege to spend time with my GC and if my time with them helps my DIL then all the better
You have nothing at all to feel bad about.
If she wanted a relationship with them, she would and that isn't really on either of you to try and force

Maybe your DH could tell her that's a cultural thing - your parents go out of their way to help and you go out of your way to show gratitude. It sounds as though she is a bit of a handful, NC with SIL - Bad omen ! In any case, not your problem to deal with her, it's his! He needs your support, he's in a tricky situation.

You have done nothing wrong. Don't feel guilty about the Instagram post. It's your MiL who is in the wrong here,not you. If she wants Instagram posts like that about her she needs to step up!

Are you always unkind?

Some posters just can't help making other people's posts all about themselves.
Many mothers of sons manage to navigate the relationships with their adult sons and their families very successfully. Others make no effort or are nasty to their DILs and then also want to complain about the inevitable results.

Blatant favourtism like this causes havoc in family relationships. Your MIL is reaping what she has sown, which is only fair. Of course a couple of teenagers are not suddenly going to be interested in someone who has shown no interest in them for 15/20 years.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

So MIL wants your praise for her involvement in your family but without having to involve herself? Like saying thank-you without anything to be thankful for?

That sounds like her husband’s job?

I could have written this myself (apart from the involvement of my own mum). You have done absolutely nothing wrong in posting on Instagram or showing your love and gratitude for your mum. It sounds like your MIL wants you to fit in around her needs too much. She could also be feeling a bit insecure in general and wants you to invite her / compliment her more. This is the experience I’ve had anyway. That said, it’s not your job to do that, you have young children and can’t prioritise her insecurity. You could just very warmly say ‘we would love you to visit and be more involved. Please let us know when you’re free to come down.’ Something like that she can’t really pick apart and it makes it clear the onus is on her.

No YANBU at all. My mum (RIP) and angel and now ex MIL the opposite of an angel were exactly the same. 25 years later hasn’t changed. Wonders why my DC have no time for her. Good for you acknowledging your DM

You can't thank her for things she hasn't done.

Maybecall her bluff. Say "we'd love you to be more involved, you are always welcome. Let's get some dates in the diary now - when would you like to come?" You have 3 kids so it can't always be you going there.

"Cheddar's mum was going to babysit on X but we're happy for you to instead if that's ok."

"The kids really enjoy phone calls, X is usually a good time, does that suit you?"

All this is in OP’s posts.

MIL drives to her sister who is the same amount of time from her son but doesn’t visit him.

MIL doesn’t even call her own son often and son calls her way more and he is hurt by his mother’s behaviour. MIL is also NC with her other son and refuses to consider his child her grandchild because she doesn’t like the mother of the grandchild.

MIL doesn’t even have SM and barely communicates with OP and her own son but only decides til she was shown OP’s post about her mum to then contact her son.

As pps have said, leave to her DH to sort who already thinks his mother is just causing unnecessary drama and his sister too
from the read of things.

I am a Nan in her early 60's. I do not have regular visits from my son and family. But, I make an effort to contact them, ( Yes, by text. we're not all tech useless) when a few weeks has gone by to arrange a family get together with the grandkids. I also babysit whenever I am asked and will have the GC overnight so they can have time to be a couple again. The only time I get contacted by them, is when they need my help. My DIL mother does nothing. However, my point is, the OP's MIL could easily contact them by phoning if necessary to maintain links. It sounds to me like the MIL wants praise for doing sweet FA. Its guilt fueling her offended reaction. Just tell her how can you praise her when she does nothing. Praise is earn't not routinely given just because of the title of Nan.

My MIL lived round the corner from me & my SIL. She would always have my SIL kids but never ours & on a rare occasion she’d have my daughter she cancelled saying my nephew was ill & she needed to help SIL to look after him. She was having her so I could go to work because my own mom couldn’t have her that day. I said could she not have my daughter as SIL doesn’t work & so nephew was already being looked after. She told me in no uncertain terms am not to make her choose as I won’t like the answer. I had to have the day off & my work wasn’t the most sympathetic when it came to sick days. She would spend less on bdays and Christmas’s on our children & whilst she would take my nephews out our kids where never so much as taken to a park. she always had my SIL kids & whilst I get the dynamics are different between sons & daughters i did feel resentful.

a few years ago SIL & mil have had a massive fall out & my SIL has gone NC with her & now I keep getting calls on her seeing the kids & doing things with them. We’ve moved away now & kids are 20 & 15 and just aren’t interested. So no I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. MIL has made zero effort & your H should tell her the post wasn’t meant for her in anyway. You’re allowed to honour your mom in the same way she has a right to be a disinterested mom

I love how much you appreciate your mum and you wanted to share it publicly. Our daughter doesn’t appreciate us at all and yet we do everything you say your mum does so it makes my heart sing that you DO appreciate her . As for mother in law she’s probably feeling a bit bitter could your partner maybe speak to his mum ?

This.

put it back on her with a side order of “you don’t even have SM…”